Hardwired(21)

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I stepped out of the campus center with my mail when I heard my name. A girl with cropped blond hair ascended the steps to meet me. She looked like a teen model. Tan, tall, and impeccably dressed in a tank top and a linen skirt.

“Liz,” I said. “How are you?”

“Great. I can’t believe we’re finally done!”

“I know, time flies.” I shook my head in shared disbelief.

“Do you want to grab coffee? I’d love to catch up.”

Her warm brown eyes seemed genuine, but I had always avoided these moments. Our friendship had fizzled when I moved across campus after our freshman year together, and we had never really addressed it. I hesitated. School was over, no homework, no plans. I had no excuses.

“Sure.”

We walked a short distance to the closest cafe where some moody hipsters made us delicious overpriced cappuccinos. We sat at a table for two, the chaos of the cafe filling the silence between us. I’d seen Liz around campus here and again, but we hadn’t really talked in years. What was there to say? We barely knew each other anymore.

“Do you have any plans for the summer?” I asked.

“I’m going to Barcelona with my parents for a few weeks, and then I start work in July.”

“Where are you working?”

“At an investment firm here in the city, crunching numbers or whatever.” She blew steam off her cup. “What about you?”

“I actually started a fashion social network last summer and it’s been going pretty well, so I’m going to be running that for a while. We’ll see where it goes.”

“That’s amazing. I would have never expected that.”

I raised my eyebrows. What would you expect, I wondered, picking at the flaky crust of my chocolate croissant.

“How are Lauren and everyone else at the house?” I asked, referring to the girls who’d shared a floor with us.

“Really good.” She paused before continuing, “We’ve missed you though.”

I took a long sip of my cappuccino, sensing where the conversation was heading. College was over, and a new chapter was beginning. Maybe it was finally time to clear the air, especially if I might be running into her in the city now. Boston was still small enough for chance meetings.

“I’m sorry I didn’t give you a heads up about moving out at the end of the year. I was going through a lot at the time.” That was an understatement, but I didn’t really want to get into it with her right now. The last thing I needed was to dredge up painful memories.

“I realize that. I just thought we were friends, you know?”

“We were,” I said. “We still can be. I just needed a fresh start after everything that happened.”

She nodded and gave me a weak smile.

I sighed, resigned to the fact that I wouldn’t be getting around this topic no matter how hard I dodged it. “Nothing was the same after that night. You and everyone else were the same, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t go out partying with all of you like nothing happened.” I took a breath, trying to push the memories back down. “It had nothing to do with our friendship, or you. I just couldn’t stand that look on everyone’s faces.”

When I looked up at her, the pity in her eyes made me sick to my stomach. I pushed my plate away and reached for my purse.

“I wanted to talk with you about it, but you never really gave me a chance,” she said.

“Believe it or not, I don’t really like talking about it,” I snapped.

Her eyes were bright and innocent, reminding me of the many nights we’d spent foraging her parents’ gift boxes of junk food, sharing stories and dreams in our freshman naïveté.

I relaxed in my chair. “I needed to work things out on my own, and for whatever reason, I couldn’t do that at the house.”

“I understand.”

She didn’t, but I gave her credit for trying, even though she was dragging me through memories I’d long buried.

“Maybe we can get together when I get back from Spain and catch up a bit,” she said. “We don’t have to talk about that stuff, obviously. I know it’s upsetting for you.”

I nodded. I couldn’t change the past, but maybe we could salvage some of what was lost.

“Sure.” I forced a smile. “Let’s stay in touch.”

We talked about professors and housing in the city while Liz finished her muffin. Afterwards we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes. As I turned toward the campus again, my phone dinged with a text. It was Alli.

Need to talk. I have news.

My stomach sank. I called her.

“What’s up?”

“I have news.”