Mum interrupted my frantic mental ramblings. "Don't be silly, Timothy. You're married."
Oops. Had I really forgotten to mention that before now? Had Kate? "We split up. Kate's with someone else now. And I'm with Matt. Who used to be with the man I fought. Hence the, er, barney."
"You've split up with Kate? When did this happen?"
"Just before I moved down here. It's fine, Mum-we just weren't really suited."
"It's easy for you to be so blasé about it-what about her? Poor girl, left hanging while you go off and experiment sexually-"
I was fairly sure I was now as crimson as Dad's carefully pruned tea roses. "Mum! She left me. For another man-who, I might add, was a friend of mine."
"Well, I have to say I'm very disappointed in her." She sniffed. "I've held my tongue for a long time-I'm not one to speak out of turn-but I never did like that girl. Coming here, turning her nose up at everything. Thinking she was so much better because she had a career-"
"Mum! We're still friends, you know. She came down from London to help me out with the police."
"Well, I hardly see how that was necessary. Anyone in possession of the facts could see you were entirely blameless. Still, I don't see why you felt the need to go off and get yourself a, a male lover over it." Mum's eyes narrowed. "I always did wonder when the rebellious phase would finally happen. Don't you think you're a little old for this? Or is it some kind of reaction to being almost thirty?"
"I'm only twenty-eight-and no, it's not a reaction. Mum, I'm-I'm gay." The ground seemed to tilt as I finally said the words, then thankfully settled back. "I've known for a while, all right? I just … didn't want to be."
"Now you're making no sense at all. Either you are, or you aren't."
"He could be bisexual," Jay put in, looking thoughtful, as if it was a matter of purely academic interest. Something inside me curled up and wanted to die quietly at the thought of my whole family actively thinking about my sex life.
Mum was dismissive. "I'm sure I read somewhere there's no such thing. Just people refusing to make up their minds."
"Does it matter?" I asked desperately. "The point is, I'm with a man now. I'm gay." It was easier, saying it the second time.
"Oh, Timothy!" And to my utter astonishment, my mother came over and crushed me in a Chanel No. 5-scented hug. "Don't worry, darling. Of course your father and I will support you in everything. You'll have to bring the young man over for Sunday dinner, just as soon as we've got this ridiculous assault charge settled. I'll phone Anna Stephanides from number four right away-you remember Mrs. Stephanides, don't you, darling? Her son's a barrister, very high-flying as I understand it. He'll soon have these charges dismissed."
I don't think I said a word. All these years, when nothing I'd done had ever been good enough to rate a smile from my mother, much less a hug-and suddenly, due to what some parents might have seen as a series of major fuck-ups, I was the apple of her tear-misted eye? I looked helplessly at Jay.
He just shrugged again and mouthed something over my mother's gently heaving shoulder.
I think it was, She likes to have someone to make a fuss over.
"Mum," I said, actually feeling a bit reluctant to tell her we didn't need to bother the high-flying barrister, "it's all right. I'm not going to be charged. They've accepted my story."
"And so they should! How dare they accuse my son of lying-" Mum choked up a bit then and squeezed hard enough to give me new bruises. When she finally released me, slightly crushed, a bit damper and a lot more fragranced than I'd been before, I braced myself and turned to face Dad. He hadn't said a word so far. He was looking even older and more tired now, and my spirits sank.
"Dad?" I asked, then swallowed.
"Oh, Tim," he sighed.
"You're disappointed, aren't you?" I managed to keep my voice steady. For a wonder, Mum didn't interrupt.
"Well, I can't say it's what I've always hoped to hear-dreaded, perhaps. It's not most fathers' wish for their sons, is it?"
"Sorry," I whispered, staring at an ant crawling across the patio.
"None of that!" he said sharply.
I looked up. There was something of his old energy showing in those pale blue eyes. "Dad?"
"Your mother's right. Of course we'll support you in everything. You're our son. Nothing could ever change that." He reached out a hand, which shook a little, and I hurried over to take it. "I think I always suspected. You were always so different from Jay-never wanting to play the same rough games."