Hard Tail(74)

"Matt," I said, sliding my arms around his waist and feeling a ridiculous thrill, even now, at being able to do so. "I'm not hiding how I feel about you. And, well, I think I owe it to Kate to be honest with her. Finally."




 

 

He smiled, putting his arms around my neck. "You know what? I think you do love her. No-not like that," he said in answer to my barely articulated protest. "Like a sister or something. It's nice."

God, I loved him, I realised with a rush that felt like I'd just drunk a whole bottle of champagne. Through a straw. "Maybe you're right. But … " I hesitated. It was too soon to say it, I knew. The last thing I wanted was to scare Matt off. "I'd rather be with you," I said instead, pulling him closer.

We kissed, slow and gentle.

"Look, Matt," I said when we paused for air, our foreheads resting together. "Just so you know, I'm not going back to London. We're selling the house, and I'm going to look for a job down here. Something with reasonable hours and no long commute, so I'll have time for other things. Like mountain biking and being with people I love." I cleared my throat and carried on. "I'm sure Jay will let me sleep on his sofa if need be, when he finally gets back home."

"Yeah-course he will." Matt paused. "And, well, I'll be needing to look for a place. Maybe … maybe we could think about getting somewhere together. I mean," he added quickly, "as, well, flatmates, or something. You know."

"Of course," I said, feeling so full of happiness I was probably about to rupture something. "Because it'd be way too soon, obviously, to really move in together. But flatmates …  That'd be good."

The doorbell rang, and the sudden lurch of fear in my belly came as a stark reminder I might not have to worry about accommodation for the next three to five years, or whatever they gave you for committing grievous bodily harm these days. "That'll be Kate," I said, disentangling myself from Matt with reluctance.

He nodded. "I'll be upstairs, then. If you need me."

***

Kate stood on the doorstep, looking cool and elegant in a short-sleeved navy wrap dress I didn't think I'd seen before. "Oh, Tim!" she said, her lip wobbling.

I gathered her up in a huge hug-at least it seemed huge compared to the size of Kate; I'd forgotten just how tiny she was. "Thanks for coming," I said, standing back with a smile splitting my face. I was incredibly glad to see her. Had she put on a little bit of weight? If she had, it suited her. Made her look … more relaxed. Happier with herself. She probably wouldn't thank me for mentioning it, though.

"Well, of course I came! Look, I know things didn't work out with us, but I meant it when I said I hoped we'd always be friends."

"Of course we will," I said, meaning it. "It really is good to see you-and not just because of this mess I'm in. Come on in, don't stand on the doorstep." 

She nodded, turning brisk and businesslike as she stepped over the threshold. "Right, well-first things first. You said you were waiting to hear whether the other party would corroborate your story?"

"Yes. Look, come on into the living room and sit down. I'll put the kettle on-you've come a long way. Coffee?"

"Mm, please," she said, ignoring the living room in favour of following me into the kitchen.

"Black, no sugar?"

"Of course. It's only been a few weeks."

"Ah, but I thought Alex might have been a bad influence on you." Alex liked his coffee with cream and two sugars, and why was I sparing a thought for the man who'd stolen my wife?

Probably so I could remember to send him a thank you note, I thought cheerfully. Although perhaps that might not be well received. "How is old Alex, anyway?"

"He's … fine."

She sounded so uncertain I looked up from the coffee mugs. "Kate? Is something wrong?"

"No! No, we're fine, it's just, well, you. Don't take this the wrong way, please-but you just seem so awfully chirpy."

I put down the teaspoon. "Ah. Well." I cleared my throat. "Actually, I've got something to tell you. But it might be better if we sit down first."

"Whenever anybody says something like that, I start to worry even more," she said darkly as I handed her a mug of coffee.

"It's nothing to worry about, honestly." After I'd said it, I realised she might have a different point of view. "At least, I don't think it is."

"Tim, will you please just tell me?"

I glanced regretfully at my steaming coffee, swirling enticingly and tantalising me with its aroma, and put down my mug. Then I took a deep breath. "There's a part of me I've been hiding. All this time." I swallowed. Suddenly this didn't seem so easy. "I'll always think fondly of what we had. But I think you know, deep down, we were never really in love. Look, I realise this may be hard for you to accept-God knows, it was hard enough for me-but I'm, well, I'm gay."