Hard Luck Hank Screw the Galaxy(26)

As I was admiring the feel of the gun, Garm came over and hugged me.

“So, we still have a Dredel Led we have to deal with,” she said, quickly breaking her hug and backing away while looking at my bare ceiling as if it were interesting.

“Uh. How are your men?” I asked, Garm’s being uncomfortable making me uncomfortable.

“Reaz-bolion and Innoti didn’t make it. Tyol Qe looks like he will pull through, but he’ll need a prosthetic. But about the other robot.”

“I just got up today, Garm. I don’t think I can tangle with a killing machine just yet. I got exhausted walking.”

“That’s because you’re so damn heavy. Did you see how often everyone describes you eating in The News?” she said, laughing.

“You said it too.”

“You were! Here we were going down the street, the first Colmarians to face a Dredel Led in a trillion years, and all I can hear is you stuffing your face with rations.”

“I was hungry. Your body needs energy, you know,” I said defensively.

“Look, we’re having trouble tracing the other robot. We’re not sure where it’s hiding. Just think of the damage it could do. It’s not just one person. It’s a Dredel Led. If it tries to knock out the life support on the station, do you really think our engineers are up to the task of stopping it?”

“But why would it? Why would an alien come all the way out to one of the furthest, least important settlements in the entire Colmarian Confederation? I mean, do they think we’re an eyesore?”

“I don’t know what rust slugs dream about but I know we have to keep them off our pipes. And you don’t have to be in top shape, just point your gun and shoot it. This time I’ll stand plenty far behind you and keep my eyes closed. But be careful where you aim. That gun blasted clean through three buildings. I’d hate to think what it would do if you pointed it straight down.”

The doorbell rang.

I opened the door, there was no use hiding.

“Hi, Jyen.”

Jyen somehow squeezed past me and entered my apartment. She looked harried, but stopped short when she saw Garm.

“Oh. Hank, I need to talk to you, please.”

“Who’s this?” Garm asked. She wasn’t used to being relegated to second place in any conversation.

“Garm, Jyen. Jyen, this is the Adjunct Overwatch,” I stated importantly. As if to suggest she should now leave.

“Good,” Jyen responded. “I know why the Dredel Led are here.”

There was a pause that hung in the air.

“What,” Garm finally said. It wasn’t a question.

“The Dredel Led. They’re here because of Hank.”

Garm and I exchanged looks. It was like someone saying the robots were here because of the noodle casserole on the corner of 43rd.

“I’m sorry, Jyen, but right now I need to discuss some matters with Hank,” Garm said as politely as she could—which wasn’t very.

“I knew you were a level ten,” Jyen continued. “That’s how you could defeat them!”

“A level-ten what?” I asked.

“Mutant.”

“I’m a level four. Does it look like I can poop out planets, or whatever it is a level ten can do?”

“Watch,” Jyen said excitedly. Then she took a few steps back. Garm and I viewed her blankly. Like a precocious child who has just worn out your patience.

She held her arms away from her body, blue sparks began to crackle along her torso, and in a moment her entire body became engulfed in a bright tornado of electrons.

Garm dove into my kitchen as I stood there startled.

Jyen then thrust her arms towards me and electricity arced between us, splitting off smaller bolts to my walls and carpet and ceiling along the way.

I fell backwards, the jolt stunning my nervous system, my clothes melted or burning, my skin charred, and my body not very comfortable.

“What the hell!” I screamed at her.

The electricity vanished as quickly as it had started and Jyen approached and crouched down in front of me.

“See? You weren’t even hurt,” she explained.

“Yeah, I’m hurt. That hurt a lot. Get me some water, quick,” I yelled to the hiding Garm, who had her pistol out and was peeking over a chair. She hesitated a moment, probably waiting to see if Jyen was going to fry anyone else, then she backed up and warily fished around in my cupboards.

I pulled at my crusted jacket, trying to get it off my skin. Anything metal had fused and melted completely.

Garm came in with a cup, still eying Jyen.

“I’m not thirsty. Get me some water.” I took the mug and splashed it on my chest, where there arose a sizzling.

There was some banging in the kitchen, then Garm finally returned with a pot of water and doused me.