Fuck. I snuck into her heart with all the subtlety of a boot to the door and a flash grenade. If I blew it now, I’d wish the shrapnel had finished the job on me.
“It’s a long story,” I said.
She stared at the scars on my arm. “I want to hear it.”
“I wouldn’t dream of interrupting your bath.”
Shay hesitated, holding my gaze for any reason to stay. I held my breath as she returned to the bathroom. The faucet turned off. My chest ached in relived agony.
She leaned against the doorway. I knew she debated if she could trust me. No reason to lie then.
“I gotta come clean,” I said.
She swallowed. “I figured that was coming.”
“I’m not fucking around with Gretchen. She’s just a friend, helping me because I served with her brother. She took on my case as a favor.”
“Your case?”
I sat on the bed and patted next to me. Shay’s eyebrow rose like I unzipped my pants and offered her a seat on my cock.
Why was this so hard? It wasn’t like I was still in the hospital, pissing through a tube and waiting for them to glue my skull back together. I made it out of the fucking desert alive. I healed. I survived.
Would she see it as a miracle?
Or would she see the same man I saw in the mirror?
Weak. Frail. Aimless.
“I’m not on leave.” The words stung. My hands curled into fists. Six months ago, I couldn’t even do that. Progress. “I was medically discharged.”
Shay frowned. “You said you were going back to the SEALs in a few months.”
“I know.”
“You lied?”
She bit the word. It felt like a slap across the cheek.
“I am going back,” I said. Hope healed more than the migraine meds Gretchen tried to shove down my throat. “Now that I’ve recuperated, I’m appealing the discharge. I’m meeting with te doctors for a physical in two weeks. If they believe I’m fit to serve, they’ll issue me a medical waiver. I’ll reenlist.”
“What do you mean recuperated?” She asked. “What happened to you?”
Like she hadn’t seen the scars. I could pack muscle on top of more muscle, but all people saw were the purple, fading scars where my guts tried to blast out of me.
“IED.”
Shay edged closer to the bed. “So you were…hurt.”
An understatement. “Yeah.”
“How badly?”
“A couple fractures short of entering a classified Navy SEAL cyborg program.”
“Zach. Talk to me.”
I sighed. Shay slipped to my side. I smiled as she tugged the robe over the sinful darkness of her thighs. That little silky reveal was enough to refuel me for another tour.
“It was bad,” I said. “I’m…not at liberty to tell you where I was or what I was doing there. I can say I’m damn lucky that I made it back to the helicopter. I should be another bloodstain in the sand.”
Her eyes widened. She traced a shiny scar over my wrist. “But you’re okay now?”
“Of course,” I lied.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were on a medical leave?”
“Because there’s a chance they won’t grant me that waiver. They might not clear me to re-enlist. If that happens…”
I eyed the master suite. The estate grew on me. I still couldn’t find my way through it in the dark, but a man got used to living every day as a fantasy.
Especially when the most beautiful woman in the world caressed a scar that came from a fireworks accident when I was fifteen, not the explosion that nearly ripped my skull apart.
I brushed her hand with mine. The simple contact was better than any morphine they shot in my veins at the VA hospital. “Last night, you asked me what would happen if the one thing you wanted in life was taken from you?” I met her gaze. “I understand that fear. Completely.”
“You want to go back to the SEALs?”
“More than anything.”
“But it almost killed you.”
“It’s my life. Wanted it since I was a kid. I didn’t have much of a family, and I thought my dad was a soldier. It seemed a natural life for me.”
“Do you like it?”
“I did,” I said. “I liked the travel and excitement. Never had a reason to stay at home.”
Until now.
I didn’t say it. Probably should have.
“I’m sorry.” Shay looked away. “Oh hell. I sounded like an idiot downstairs.”
“I didn’t tell you Gretchen was my doctor when you first met her. I didn’t want you to know I had been hurt overseas.”
“That was dumb.”
Yep. Especially after I realized a girl didn’t get that jealous for nothing. “I promise. Nothing’s happening between me and her. Gretchen’s engaged. I have more to worry about than you.”