How did this happen?
Why did I bring her to the room with me?
Pain blooms through my chest. So much of it, I start to shake.
“Luke?” Her careful fingers touch my back. “What’s wrong?”
The answer pierces me: she’ll leave. Tomorrow morning, Leah will leave. I’ll never get to feel her hands on me again.
I thought I could handle it. I thought maybe… I don’t know. What did I think? Terror grips me. I can’t move. Can’t breathe.
She wraps her arms around me, and I fumble to get free of them. I turn toward her, shaking my head. “Don’t.”
Her eyes are wide and stricken. “Why not?” She takes a step away from me. “Luke—please.”
“Just go,” I choke. “Go on, Leah.” I grab her shoulders and push her lightly toward the door.
She whirls around and grabs my arm. “Don’t do this with me! Don’t. Don’t do it right now. It’s bullshit, and anyway, I won’t believe it. You’re just scared.”
My chest feels like it’s cracked open. I put a hand over it. “Scared of what?” I rasp.
“I don’t know what. I wish I did. Why don’t you ever talk to me?” She folds her arms in front of her chest. “I think I deserve at least some explanation.”
My face feels hot. The room whirls slowly around her.
“C’mon, Luke.” She sounds exasperated. “If you can send me away after tonight, then you can tell me why, can’t you?”
I swallow. Flex my hands. “I can’t,” I say through my clenched jaw. My words sound twisted. Strange.
She steps closer. “Why not?” she says softly.
“You’ll leave,” I whisper.
“No I won’t. I won’t leave if you just talk to me.” She takes the last few steps between us. She hesitates a second with her hands raised. Then she reaches out and touches my chest. “Luke…just talk to me. Whatever’s going on, I can handle it.”
Her eyes flicker, showing her uncertainty, but she tucks that away quickly and strokes my bare chest.
My eyes sting. “You’ll leave.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not leaving.”
My hand closes around her arm. I swallow hard and try again. “Tomorrow,” I hiss, “you will leave.”
“Oh. I understand.” Her voice is soft. Her eyes are kind. Her hands clasp mine. She pulls me over to the bed and pulls the blankets back. Together, we get in.
I can’t lie down, so I just sit there. Leah wraps herself around me, and I dip my head, because my eyes are leaking.
I can feel her sorrow. Guilt, I guess. For all I know, it’s pity.
“Fuck.”
Her hands tickle my back and shoulders. “Lucas—can I tell you something? Something true? Something that I think you might not like?”
“Whatever you want,” I whisper.
I feel her head rest in the space between my neck and shoulder. Her lips move against my skin, creating chills. “I want you.”
My chest cranks tighter. I struggle to draw a breath.
“I want you,” she says. She grabs my chin and turns my face toward hers. “Luke, I want you. I have always wanted you.”
My throat stings. I don’t want to look at her, but I can’t stop my eyes. They search her face. “But...why?”
She strokes my arms, down to my hands. She twines her hands in mine and looks into my eyes. “Because I love you, Luke.”
“You can’t.” She strokes my hands with soft fingers and looks into my face. Waiting me out. “It wouldn’t work because I’m not normal, Leah. I’m not…whole.” I squeeze her hands with mine. “Even my hands… They’re…”
“Yours. They’re your hands, Luke. That’s why I love them.” Her mouth finds my throat, kissing the salty tears there. “All you have to have is half,” she whispers.
“What?”
“You’re only half,” she murmurs, looking up into my eyes. “If you put two of us together, baby, all we need is half to make a whole.”
Her hand trails down my chest, reaching lower, till I’m hard again. My heart aches as she takes me in her hand.
“Let’s just see…” she whispers, stroking up and down me. “Let’s see how we fit together. If the pieces fit right,” she says, kissing my jaw, “maybe you could take me home.”
“Home?”
“Take me home.” She finds my mouth with hers. Our tongues glide together. Her lips tremble. “Take me home,” she breathes into my mouth. “I’d love to go back there with you.”
I think about it, as she climbs on top of me. What can I offer her, my sweet Leah?