He nods.
“Her parents don’t mind you coming by?”
He shakes his head, his eyes now focused on the grassy lawn where a group of people a little younger than us have assembled with a bag of soccer balls.
“A few years ago, I did a paternity test. Kinda came clean to them. They were nervous at first, but it’s been so long now…” He shakes his head. “I’ve even baby sat a time or two. Not that she needs it now. She’s growing up. Her name is Kinsley.” He points out my window at a large, two-story brick home. “Her house is that one.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lucas
I pull Kinsley’s ninth grade yearbook picture out of my wallet and pass it to Leah. She looks so much like me. So much better. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I swear to God, I don’t see Mother in her. Not at all.
“The details of Kinsley’s birth and her existence at the house were sealed, to protect her. Her parents just told her recently about who her bio parents were and how she came to be with them—the man and woman who are raising her. Even without all the details, it’s been a little rough on her. More than a little,” I admit. “One month, she didn’t want to see me.” I stop and swallow as my eyes ache with the pressure of the tears behind them.
“I think she had a hard time understanding— ah.” I inhale through my nose and look out my window. “A hard time understanding how it was me… who was trapped there. Being the male.” I clench my jaw.
It’s something that bothers me, too. Makes me feel like a fucking pussy. Mark, the dude than Lana set me up with back at home, is trying to get me to feel differently. So far, no dice.
“She asked me to stop by today or tomorrow, so I got the donuts yesterday, at a down time, when the line for Voodoo wasn’t out the door,” I’m telling Leah. Anything to keep the silence out of here. Who knows what I might say if it gets quiet.
Soft fingers touch my arm, and I flinch. I look down into her sympathetic eyes. The eyes of a friend? I know that she cares for me. I care for her, too. But how does she feel about me now that she knows all there is to know?
She smiles. “You want to go? I’d love to go with you.”
I roll my shoulders. They’re tight and sore with tension.
I’m tempted to tell Leah ‘no’. I don’t want to confuse Kinsley. She’s mentioned before setting me up with one of her friends’ moms, but that was before. Before she found out about me. The month before last is the month I didn’t come. Last month, she gave me a hug, but she didn’t talk as much as usual. I don’t know what to expect from today, and the truth is, it’s been ripping at me for three and a half weeks now.
“I don’t have to go with you,” Leah says, responding to my stormy mood. “Not if you don’t want. I can take a stroll around here. Meet back at the car?” she offers.
My hand catches hers before my mind can make a choice. It’s just like that with Leah. I can’t seem to help it.
“I’d like to introduce you to her. If you’re sure you want.”
She grins. “I’m sure. I can’t flipping believe you have a daughter. I mean, I know you’re a dad, but two kids? You seem truly legit.” She squeezes my hand and then gets out of the car. We meet in front of the hood, and she grabs my hand without hesitating.
As we walk across the field, I tell her about Kinsley. How she cheers, plays soccer, plays the cello.
“I hope she doesn’t mind me tagging along,” Leah says, as we reach the sidewalk.
“Nah. She’s not like that.”
Leah’s hand tightens in mine as we take the walk up to the house, and climb two stairs onto the porch. I hesitate before knocking, and Leah jumps right in, giving a brisk knock with her unblemished knuckles.
Seconds later, Kinsley greets us with a sunny smile.
“Luke.” Her eyes move from me to Leah. Then her smile widens. “Oh my God, you got a girlfriend.” She does this funny thing that girls do, batting her lashes and acting all…girly as she shifts her focus to Leah. “You’re the girlfriend. I approve.” She laughs and waves us in.
“I’m the one who keeps him straight,” Leah says lightly.
Kinsley wraps her arm around my waist and squeezes. “Luke, you need someone. Did he tell you he climbs mountains. He fell down one right before last time I saw him. Luke, your hands are so much better!”
Leah’s hand, in mine, strokes circles on my thumb while Kinsley talks our ears off. And that’s the way the visit goes.
Kin drags us up to her room and starts getting Leah’s opinion on prom dresses. I sit on her bed and try to do what Mark told me I needed to. Try to think of how I’m feeling. I’m not very good at it. As I listen to them talk, I should feel happy. But I don’t. Why?