I step inside, and Steve’s voice followed. “Remember she asked for this,” he says. “Came to papa threatening, treating me like a little bitch, and I’m a leader. See? You’ll see, man. You’re gonna see.”
His voice gets louder as he leans into the room behind me. Above my head, a light comes on.
I remember being surprised the warehouse had electricity. I remember noticing them all step in behind me as I stepped a little closer to the big lump in the corner, by the rusted sinks.
I remember whirling around and slashing at them, screaming, fighting, breaking bones. I went insane. Steve fired all his rounds, clipping Ham and killing Bolly. I stabbed Steve in the chest about the time the sirens started wailing.
Classic pull-out move. It was probably Davis that did it, that fucking pussy. Stick the crime on whoever’s still standing.
But I wasn’t standing. I lay down beside her and I sliced my wrist.
*
“Hansel? Hansel?! What the fuck?”
My eyes flutter, and I see her haze face above me: Leah.
“Hansel?” Small hands grip my face as her beautiful face comes into full focus. “Are you okay?”
I blink a few more times, realize I’m on my back and breathing hard.
Fuck.
I scramble up, but I can’t hide it. I’m still shaking really fucking hard. I look down at my wrist, almost expecting to see blood there.
“Shit, Hansel. You scared me. You like…weren’t breathing right and—God,” she scrambles closer, “are you okay?”
I put a hand over my face and turn away.
“Hansel?”
I grit my teeth. I hang my legs over the side of the bed, and without turning to look at her, I rasp, “How do you know my name is Hansel?”
I can feel my world unraveling as I grip my hair and tug on it.
“It’s Leah, Hansel. I’m Leah. Don’t you remember seeing me last night?” Her voice drones on, but I can’t keep up with it. When it stops, I say the first thing I can think of.
“You should leave. You shouldn’t even be here.”
She gets down off the bed and stands in front of me. She pulls her mask off, showing me the wonder of her perfect face. It’s angry now.
“Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do! You don’t make choices for me. I want to be here. God, Hansel, or whatever you want to be called—I will call you anything you want, but I want to be here. I want to stay here. What’s going on with you? What was that just now? Please, Hansel…talk to me.”
“Luke,” I whisper numbly. “I’m Luke.”
I get down off the bed and cross the room. I fold my arms in front of me, as if they’ll serve as a shield from those blue eyes.
“Leah, you need to go.” I shake my head, trying to find the words I need inside my scrambled brain. “Go on. Mistake,” I grate out. “I made a mistake, thinking we could…” I wave from me to her, unable to think past the thick fog that’s surrounding me.
Leah’s blue eyes dance. She shakes her head. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Hansel—Edgar—Luke— Whoever you are, do you know how long I looked for you?” Her voice breaks as she shakes her head. “How long I wanted you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” I growl. “You know why?”
She shakes her head, looking so wide-eyed and innocent, and fury builds inside me, both for what I’m doing now and for all the time I lost her.
“Because that person that you knew was just…a fucking ghost! You were a little girl, a fucking lost girl, and I tried to help you. That was all it was.”
She glares at me, then sneers, “That’s not all.” Her eyes flash. “I saw the show you did that night, the one with the two girls? I was here with my sisters, and I saw you. You were in my room.” Her voice cracks, but she pushes on. “This whole place,” she waves her hand around, “it’s Mother’s house. Not this room but the outside area. You built a shrine to that place, and you told me today you call all your women Leah.” She shakes her head a little, laughing humorlessly. “I’m surprised that you are such a coward.”
I laugh, too. I can’t imagine that surprising anyone.
I hold my hands up, take a small step back. “Do what you want, Leah, but I’m leaving—now. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m sorry.” Now it’s my turn to teeter on the edge. I lock my jaw until my voice hardens. “This was a mistake. A…sick mistake. All mine. But I’ve got…shit to do. I’ve got another life now. And it’s true I want you, Leah, but it’s not going to work.”