The pounding of my heart was starting to slow and the shakes were getting less and less. I could breathe, but I was still skittish.
"Belle," Huck's voice again. "You had a panic attack. It's okay. I'm taking you home so you can get in bed and rest. Can you hear me?"
My eyes darted over to him. He had one arm on the steering wheel and the other was holding my own hand that rested gingerly between us on the leather bench seat of his truck.
"Thank you," I managed to say. It was all I could do.
We pulled into the driveway next to my cottage. He flipped the truck into park and quickly got out of his side and walked over to mine. As he opened the door the cool air of the dawn woke me up a bit. It felt good to be outside. The bar had felt like being on the inside of a hall closet. No room to breathe at all.
I stared at Huck as he looked down at my pathetic form. He leaned against the open door, and for a moment I wasn't sure what he was going to do.
Without asking, he reached his arms out to me, hooking one of them under my knees and the other around my back, lifting me out of the truck, and slamming the door shut behind us with his foot.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes against his shoulder as he walked me up the steps of the small porch and into the house.
The rhythm of my heart was back to normal again and as we entered the tiny living room of the house, I finally found my voice to speak.
"I can walk now," I said, softly. "Mind if I just lean on you for a moment to make sure?"
He lightly put me down and held my shoulders as I stood. My legs were no longer wobbly. I was in control of my body again.
"Why don't you lay down?" he asked. "Or sit. Just … take it slow."
Huck's temperament had changed in the last hour. He wasn't being cold at all. If anything, he was concerned. I hadn't expected him to have a side like this.
I was just relieved to have him with me. I didn't want to be alone.
As I sat down on the timeworn couch that rested in the middle of the room, Huck walked over to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Here," he said, handing it to me as he sat down in the recliner across from where I was. "You need to hydrate."
I took a long gulp, the chill of the water a reprieve against my parched throat. Half the bottle was gone within seconds.
"Thanks," I said, placing it on the rickety coffee table in front of me. "I feel much better now."
He nodded, his eyes on me still. The intensity in them had been replaced with something else, something I couldn't quite name yet. Ordinarily I would feel so exposed. He'd seen me at my worst.
But I was too exhausted to be nervous or even embarrassed in front of him. I could sense he was tired too. It had been a long night.
"How did you know I was having a panic attack?" I asked, as I laid my head on the back of the couch.
He sighed. He was quiet for so long that I wondered if he was going to answer the question.
"I used to get them," he finally said. "When I was a kid. After my parents died. They'd come on suddenly and Rick would have to calm me down. It would feel like I was having a heart attack. My heart would pound, I'd get sweaty, my mouth would get dry. I finally learned that I couldn't fight them, it would only make it worse. So I'd try to just embrace it. Sometimes that helped. Anyway, it's kind of easy for me to recognize them in other people."
Neither one of us said anything for a moment. All I could think about was what he'd just told me.
"I'm sorry about your parents," I said. "I can't imagine … "
He shook his head. "It's fine. It was a long time ago." I could tell the topic made him uncomfortable.
"I appreciate you helping me," I said. "That scene in the bar … it was a lot more than I could handle. And then when I couldn't find you I got so scared. I didn't know what was happening. And when they said they were going to take Brianna … "
The thought of the young girl's face when the Mutineers had mentioned taking her with them made me want to cry. It all could have ended so badly. I mean, it had still ended badly, but at least everyone was okay.
"Where were you?" I asked. "How did you know to come with Hayes?"
"Thad Acres, he's one of our regulars, has a big ranch outside of town. He was passed out. He needed a ride home. My brothers and I look out for him and his wife."
"His wife is the one who made the bear stew, right?" I asked, between sips of my water.
"Yeah, I'd forgotten that Rick brought you some of that. I meant to introduce you to Thad, but the Mutineers kind of distracted me. Anyway, Thad had gotten himself all kinds of drunk, and I wanted to get him home, I didn't want Pam to worry. I never expected things to get out of hand like they did, otherwise I would never have left you.
Things were winding down, Bo and Grizz were around, I figured I could take care of him really quick. I put him in the truck and got him out there and onto his couch. Pam tried to make me stay for breakfast. I usually never say no to her, but something in my gut told me I needed to get back. I was nearly back when one of our regulars, Ben, called and told me he thought there was trouble with some of the bikers, that I should hurry up. I've had problems with them before, nothing like tonight, but I knew how nasty they could get. I went by Hayes' place and grabbed him and high-tailed it back. Thank God we got there when we did. I'm so sorry to have left you, Belle. I'll never do it again."
I looked at him, surprised that he was sorry to have left me and not just the entire bar.
"You don't have to apologize, Huck, you were doing the right thing, and besides, you know the bar way better than I do," I replied.
"I just couldn't forgive myself if anything had happened to you," he continued. "Seeing you as upset as you were just about broke my heart in half. I saw fear in your eyes, true fear."
I went over to him then, despite the distance he'd always kept between us. I was called to him now. Something was changing between us. I didn't know how or why, but I could feel it. And I wanted to hold onto it and never let go.
"I let you down," he continued. "I'm supposed to protect you … "
I shook my head. "Since when? I'm grown. I can take care of myself."
I had grabbed his hand now and was squeezing it as I knelt next to him and the recliner.
We stared at each other for a long moment. How quickly we'd gotten over whatever barrier Huck had erected between us.
He pulled me toward him with the hand I was holding and suddenly his mouth was on mine and he was kissing me, the kind of kissing that felt like he'd been holding back for some time.
My body immediately responded to his touch and suddenly I was in his arms, his resilient arms that had carried me twice, arms I didn't want to leave because they made me feel safer than I'd ever felt in my life. Between each kiss he gazed into my eyes, the intensity of his stare causing goosebumps to rise on my flesh.
If he'd wanted to take me right there, I would have let him.
I was exhausted both emotionally and physically. I wanted to feel something pleasurable, something that could take me away from my problems and my demons. And I wanted desperately for that pleasure to come from Huck Calloway.
But suddenly he was cool again. He gently pulled away from me and shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Belle," he said. "I shouldn't have done that."
I was mortified.
"Oh," I said, tears threatening to fall. "Well, that's just the perfect way to end the night from hell."
He looked at me, an apology in his eyes, "Trust me. I'm doing you a favor. You don't want to be with me, Belle. You have enough going on. We're just both reacting to the trauma that was our night. You need to rest. And I need to go."
He stood up as I sat on the floor next to him, my knees pulled up to my chest. I was beyond hurt by his rejection. And after all that had happened, I couldn't take it.
"What is wrong with me?" I said. "Ever since I've met you … It's like being around me pains you. Am I that awful? That obviously broken?"
I was crying now. I couldn't keep all the emotion in anymore. A girl can only take so much.
Huck ran his hands through his dark hair and sighed.
"Belle," he said, offering me his hand to pull me off the floor. "Come here."
I stood and he pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
"I'm going to be really honest with you," he said, his chin resting on top of my head. "Can you handle it?"