“You’re right. We sound like gossipy old ladies. My grandma was like that. Her friends would sit around the kitchen table, drinking coffee or whatever, and when I walked in the kitchen they’d start talking about me. How it was a shame a pretty girl like me didn’t have a boyfriend.” Erica laughed. “I’m turning into my grandma. It’s all over.”
“You look young,” Gigi assured her, very seriously.
“Thank you, honey.” Erica winked at me.
“So, how come?” Traci asked. She wasn’t going to let it go.
“I just don’t. It’s a long story.”
“We have lots of time.”
“It’s a private story.”
“We won’t tell.”
I shook my head. “I just never met anybody I liked well enough.”
“Wait. You’ve never had a boyfriend? Like, never ever?” All three of them put their cards down to stare at me. Even Gigi.
“You shouldn’t be listening to talk like this,” I told her, shaking my finger.
“I’m pretty grown up,” she said. “I know how things are. With boyfriends and stuff.” I wondered how true that was, and thought she probably knew a lot more than any child her age should. My heart ached a little.
“Okay.” I put my cards down, giving in. They weren’t going to let me off the hook, so it was pointless to keep wiggling. “I had a boyfriend in college. He was nice. I liked him a lot. Only he…liked a lot of other girls, too.” Erica and Traci nodded their heads sagely. Gigi was transfixed.
“He liked other girls better than he liked you? That’s impossible!” She was so serious, I didn’t want to laugh at her. I bit my tongue and managed to nod seriously.
“I thought so, too,” I said once the urge to laugh had passed. “So we broke up—well, I broke up with him.”
“And you never had a boyfriend since then?” Erica asked.
“I’ve dated a little here and there. Mostly people I got fixed up with. You know how it is. It never worked out. It was fun, but there was nothing there. Nobody to get serious about.”
“And you like living alone,” Gigi added. I smiled at her while wishing I had never told her that.
“You can’t be alone all the time,” Traci pointed out.
“Thanks for the advice,” I joked, wanting to change the subject. I had the feeling that wasn’t going to happen.
“It’s true. You’re young. You have it together. You have a lot to offer. Just because some creep hurt you…”
“It’s not because of that,” I said, knowing it was. That was exactly why I steered away from commitment, because Steve was a jerk who walked all over my heart. When I found out he’d been cheating on me, I blamed myself. Hadn’t I seen the signs and dismissed them? Hadn’t I told myself I was paranoid for wondering why he’d drop off the face of the Earth sometimes? Hadn’t I accused myself of being too hard on him, of putting up blocks to my happiness? Yes, all that and more. And look where it got me. I couldn’t trust my judgment with men.
I couldn’t trust my judgment. Which was why I had to steel myself against Lance. I couldn’t trust myself to be level-headed, especially when he did sweet things like carrying Gigi around and listening to her stories. Just because he decided to give the whole father thing a shot didn’t make him a good person, worthy of my affection. It didn’t change him into an upstanding citizen, either. I would never commit myself to a criminal. I was too smart for that, too focused on a solid future.
I looked around. “Where’s Lance, anyway? I haven’t seen him all morning.”
Erica shrugged. “I guess he had things to do. Who knows? He’s got a lot on his mind right now.”
“How do you stand it when he gets that way? All tensed up, I mean. Is he always like that?”
“No,” Traci said. “He’s usually pretty even and calm. There’s a lot going on.” She nodded her head toward Gigi, who was dealing a new hand.
“Have you ever seen him like this before?”
“Maybe when he first started as president,” Erica said.
Traci nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he was pretty wound-up then, too. I guess it makes sense, though. He had a lot to take care of. He did a good job, though.”
“Oh yeah. Everybody thinks he’s the best president the club ever had,” Erica added.
“What’s the club do?” Gigi asked, all innocence. I looked at the girls, who looked at each other.