“I don’t know, man. Bike like that could go for a lotta money.” The second man fixed me with a cold stare. I wondered if he was half as high as he pretended to be. He seemed pretty savvy.
“I’ll give you both a hundred bucks to make sure it stays safe.”
“Bullshit.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out two fifty dollar bills. “Half now, half when I come out. Okay?” They both reached out to snatch the money from my hands.
“Deal,” they muttered.
“Don’t go off putting that in your arm before I get back, either.” I stepped around them and walked inside. I could almost hear their thoughts, knowing they had another high coming up. A big one, too. A hundred bucks could buy a lot.
I didn’t know exactly who I was looking for, and I took my time as I went from room to room. I half hoped Rae was there. Maybe she spent an entire week getting high. Maybe she knew she was going to do it, and that was why she left Gigi with me. So she could. I had to believe something would go my way.
It was disgusting in there. Bodies everywhere, either passed out, half awake, shooting up. In a couple rooms, I saw people fucking right out in the open. Nobody around them cared. They were all in their own worlds. I felt sorry for them for a minute. Nobody would choose a life like that.
I didn’t know what The Scarecrow looked like, so I asked around. “You seen The Scarecrow around here?” The few people who were still alert shook their heads. One of them said, “Man, if he was here, I wouldn’t be here. Scary dude.”
“Yeah. Scary dude.” He looked at me like I was crazy for even asking. Why would anybody look for a person like him? I couldn’t explain that I wouldn’t if it didn’t have to do with a little girl and a woman who used to mean something to me.
When I left, it was like walking out of hell. I took a deep breath of fresh air. It was amazing, the difference from inside to outside. There was actual light outside. It could’ve been any time of day or night inside, with the boarded windows.
“You find what you need, man?” I looked down at one of the men who was outside when I went in. He was alone.
“Where’d your friend go?”
“In there. Couldn’t even wait for the rest of the cash.” He shook his head. I shook mine.
“Here.” I handed him another fifty and went back to my bike. It was fine, so he did his job. I was even more depressed than before I went into the drug den. I thought about all the lost people inside, then told myself they were a lost cause. There were other people to think about, people with an actual future. Like my daughter.
And Jamie. I tried not to think about her, but she kept pushing her way into my thoughts. The way she looked when she told me off, with those flashing green eyes and heaving tits. She made me catch my breath just thinking about it. I had wanted to do so much more to her than just kiss her. I still wanted to do it.
Then I thought about Rae as I rode to her house. How the fuck did she get herself mixed up with a guy like The Scarecrow? He was a legend in our town. A scary legend, the kind you told kids when you wanted to scare them away from drugs. If you weren’t careful, The Scarecrow would eat your soul.
Funny how he disappeared, and Rae was gone, too. Did they go somewhere together? I couldn’t imagine the two of them on a beach somewhere. I actually laughed a little at the thought, it was that crazy. No way they did that. So what, then? Where would they go? What could they do together?
They didn’t go away together. He sent her away. He probably killed her. I couldn’t ignore the chance that he had. My daughter probably didn’t have a mother anymore. How would I tell her that? How could I break the news to a seven-year-old that her mommy got mixed up with the wrong guy and he killed her?
How did the police tell me? They didn’t have to tell me. One thing Gigi and I had in common was a sort of sad understanding. It was the only way I could think to describe it. We both knew more than we should have from a young age. We understood how shitty life could be. I wished I could have protected her from that. When my mom OD’d, nobody had to explain it. I just knew she was dead and that was it. It felt like it had to happen sooner or later. What a shitty thing for a little kid to know without being told.
Obviously I couldn’t tell her the truth right away. She’d have to know someday, though. That day would come faster than I wanted it to. I would worry about it when it happened—I had more important things to worry about at that time.
I turned my bike in the direction of Rae’s house and hoped I would find something, anything, to settle the mess she had gotten us all into. Otherwise, I didn’t know what I could do to keep my daughter safe.