My fears were my own, fueled by watching my mother change so dramatically in such a short time. The idea of losing my sense of self had terrified me.
"What do you mean, you didn't trust you?" Gunn's expression mirrored his internal confusion. Then he shook his head. "You're going to need to give me a clue here, K. Because I have no idea how to navigate this one."
"I know." I took two steps forward and placed my hand on his heart again. "You're a good man, Gunn. I know that. I've always known that."
He slipped his hand over mine, holding it there. "But you still decided to leave me … us."
A lump clogged my throat as I nodded. I swallowed and forced the words out, "I think I had some major growing up to do. If we'd stayed together, I'd have become an extension of you and your goals. I'd never have finished school. My independence would've vanished. And-"
"I never-"
"I know," I stressed. "It wouldn't have been your fault any of those things happened. It would've been mine. Don't you get it, Gunn? Our connection is so strong that I wanted to lose myself in you. You were like an addiction. Nothing else would've mattered to me except you. We'd just gotten engaged, and I was already thinking about blowing off school. The thought of being separated, even for a couple of semesters, left me sick to my stomach."
Gunn's deep-green eyes searched mine. "You didn't think to ask me to go with you?"
I nodded. "Yes, of course I did. But can you honestly say you would have entertained the idea? The brewery was expanding. You and your brothers had a business plan that required you to be here. I couldn't ask you to give that up. But more importantly, I didn't want to. You needed that. Just like I needed school."
"Dammit, Kennedy," he growled as he backed away from me, breaking our connection. "It wasn't for you to decide what I needed."
Everything inside of me went cold as I felt his fierce anger brushing against my skin. A small shudder ran through me, and I crossed my arms over my chest trying to contain myself. "I know."
"Do you?" he spat out.
"Yes. Just as it wasn't for you to decide what I needed." My words hung in the air between us, the silence deafening.
"Fuck," he muttered and bowed his head, as he ran his fingers through his thick hair.
My thoughts exactly.
His head snapped up. "So now what? You're back, and I'm just supposed to forget what happened?"
My heart constricted as if he'd punched me in the chest. "No. Of course not. I'm back, but how you feel about it and where we go from here isn't a forgone conclusion."
"Isn't it, though?" he said, his eyes now blazing as he cast a heated glance down my body, slowly taking me in.
My insides melted as my traitorous body came to life under his gaze.
Staring at my lips, he moved in close, his hands slipping over the curve of my hips. Tiny erotic bursts of electricity sparked at his fingertips, and I let out a small gasp. "Tell me you want me to leave."
"That's not going to happen," I said, my voice hoarse and suddenly full of desire.
"Tell me, Kennedy," he practically begged. "Just one word and I'll retreat to my bedroom for the rest of the night."
In answer, I placed both hands flat on his chest, his muscles flexing deliciously under my touch. "No."
His fingers moved under my shirt and dug into the flesh just above the waistline of my jeans. "You understand, that if I take you tonight it's not just sex, don't you?"
I nodded, my mouth suddenly dry.
He leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "I'm not just going to think about making you mine, I'm going to brand your flesh with my kisses, possess your heart and soul. And by the time I'm done, I'll have claimed you."
I swallowed hard, swaying into him, desperate to feel his hard body pressed against mine. "Okay."
"Okay?" he asked, pulling back, pinning me with his intense stare.
"Yes."
"And what about tomorrow?" All illusions of seduction vanished as he narrowed his eyes, waiting for my answer. "Will you run again?"
I didn't hesitate. The moment Audrey had called me I'd known I was back for good. "No."
"If you do, I'm coming after you," he growled and then yanked me to him, his mouth crushing mine.
I clutched at the fabric of his shirt as I met his kiss with a fervor of my own. Desire and need exploded inside of me, drowning out any lingering doubts that this was too much, way too fast. I didn't care. I'd waited eight years to be back in his arms, to have him devour me. To finally make me his, once and for all.