"Bad road food," she said, grimacing.
I slowly caressed the pad of her thumb and waited.
She opened her eyes, and silence hung between us as we stared at each other.
Finally, she let out a sigh and gently tugged her hand away from mine. "I don't know what you want me to say."
The bitter echo of rejection washed over me, and I stood, suddenly out of patience. "Bullshit, Kennedy. Yes, you do. You know what I want-no-need from you. For the last eight years I've been wondering why the only girl I ever loved just up and left me. And can you believe, I was so stupid that I actually thought it was because even though I'd given you all of myself, that I'd have literally done anything for you, that you left because we still hadn't formed that all-consuming love bond? But yet, here it is." I waved a hand between us. "What I don't understand, is why you can't even acknowledge it."
The tears she'd been holding back fell silently down her cheeks. And when she sucked in a sharp breath, something inside her broke. The jolt hit me so hard, I stumbled back a few steps, barely managing to keep myself upright. Grief rushed through me, her grief. Despite being on the verge of stalking out of the room, all I wanted to do was gather her in my arms and comfort her. I let out a growl of frustration and swore under my breath.
"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"I believe you," I said, trying and failing miserably to get my lingering anger in check.
She stood, her eyes bright as she moved toward me. I stood stock-still, my own emotions shutting down from pure overload.
"Gunn." She placed her soft hand on my cheek, her gaze searching mine. "I don't expect you to understand the choice I made. How could you?" A small humorless laugh escaped her lips. "I barely understand it myself. All I know, is that I had plans to go to college-"
"No one ever asked you not to go," I said, my voice hoarse.
"I know. Of course you didn't. But you did ask me to marry you." Her voice caught on the word marry, and she swallowed hard.
"And you said yes."
"Of course I did. I meant it, too," she said. I opened my mouth, ready to deny her claim, but she held her hand up, cutting me off. "What you don't know, what I never told you, is that when we made love that night, something shifted inside of me and suddenly, everything you were feeling poured into me. Your joy, all the love buried deep in your heart … and the possessiveness."
"Possessiveness?" I asked stupidly, as my brain struggled to catch up to what she'd said. "What … I never … you're not a thing to be possessed, Kennedy. When did I ever treat you like that?"
She shook her head. "Never. But when we were together, I felt it right here." She pointed to her chest. "Like you wanted to own me-"
"Wait. You're saying our bond formed that night, at least on your end, and you never told me?" I jerked back, needing space from her. "Then you ran because I felt possessive of you during sex? Because I wanted to make you mine forever? Because I loved you so goddamned much that given half the chance, the animal inside of me wanted keep you by my side forever and never let you go?"
She nodded once. "Yes and-"
"Fuck, Kennedy! I can't control how I feel. But I can sure as hell control what I do. Did I stand in your way when applied for colleges all over the country?"
"No."
"And when you got into all the colleges you applied to, who offered to drive you and all your stuff all the way to California, or New York, or Michigan?"
"You."
"Yet you still thought so little of me, that you decided you had to run away from us, even after you knew we were connected? Jesus. What did I ever do to make you not trust me?"
"Nothing." Her voice was so low I barely heard her. "It wasn't you I didn't trust. It was me."
5
Kennedy
My heart ached at the disappointment and sheer pain radiating off Gunn. He didn't understand. How could he? As a young man, all he'd wanted was to marry me. To take care of me, even if we'd never formed that deeper connection. He hadn't cared about that. Not the way most Quartzians do. He'd have done anything for me. And he had. Deep down I'd always known that.