Guilty Pleasures(13)

It seemed to go on forever, comfort and pain, until she was sobbing and could barely hold herself up. Her legs shook and her calves burned from standing in the heels.

She was crying for the pain, but also something more. She was crying for her own weakness, her pathological inability to seek out what she wanted in life. Staying with Michael though she was miserable, simply because he made her comfortable. Coming to Anton over and over and pretending it was about the blackmail. Because that made her comfortable, too, when nothing was her fault, when she was the victim.

“That was ten,” he finally said.#p#分页标题#e#

Only ten? She thought she was going to die. How could that only be ten?

“You can relax, now.”

She hadn’t realized how hard her arms had worked to hold herself the way he’d wanted her. She collapsed on the bed, the tears still coming unrestrained. It seemed nothing could shut off the flow of emotion now that the dam had burst.

She wanted to ask him why? What had she done? How had she deserved that? If he wanted her to come back, this sure as hell wasn’t the way to encourage it. As soon as she cleared the door, this madness was over. It had to be over.

The bed dipped next to her, and then he was stroking the burning welts and kissing them. Her face flamed as she felt her own wetness dripping down her thighs, soiling the bed.

Vivian jumped when his tongue probed inside her. A desperate mewl left her throat as he lapped up her juices. Why couldn’t this be Michael? Why did it have to be this twisted fucker who was holding her mentally hostage?

His weight lifted from the bed, and she found herself on her hands and knees. She didn’t bother resisting when he slid inside her. She could hear the evidence of her arousal as he fucked her, his body thrusting into hers like an animal as she knelt on the bed, open and receptive. Unwilling to be anything but his vessel in that moment.

“You’ve got the tightest, sweetest little cunt.”

Every foul word that tripped off his tongue moved her one step closer to what she was sure would be the most shameful orgasm of her life. She gripped the sheets as her breathing became heavier.

“Be a good girl and come for me.”

His wicked voice sent her over the edge as her muscles clenched around him, milking him, greedily pulling his essence into her. She didn’t want to come after how he’d treated her, didn’t want to think about what that said about her. But she couldn’t stop the orgasm that tore through her, breaking down her ability to process anything beyond this moment.

When he’d finished, he rolled off of her, panting.

His accent was heavier when he spoke again. “Get dressed. I’ll see you Tuesday.”

Of all the arrogant, motherfucking . . .

In another set of circumstances, she would have thrown a shoe at him, but she’d already seen what he was willing to do to her and how little power she had to make him stop. She got dressed more quickly than she’d ever before managed, wanting nothing more than to hide her body from his view.

She didn’t bother to argue about Tuesday.

“Oh, and Vivian?”

She turned, the disgust shining out from her eyes. She was beyond the ability to mask it.

“You will masturbate every day between now and then. When you do, you will think only about the feel of the cane across your ass. I’ll ask when I see you. And I’ll know if you’re lying.”

Vivian slammed the door behind her, convinced she’d never see this monster again.





Michael had left the car for her to drive while he was away. She sat behind the wheel of the red BMW and cried some more. Her hands were shaking so hard she couldn’t get the key in the ignition. Finally, she gave up and laid her head over the steering wheel, trying to focus on breathing while she waited for her body to settle down.

Would things have gone differently if I’d just stripped like he’d asked the first time?

Of course not. He was an abusive monster. Now that she’d stopped shaking, she was aware of the pain of sitting. An incongruous smile curved her lips.

Pictures. Evidence.

There was no way Anton would convince Michael they were having an affair, even a kinky affair. No one would be able to look at the marks on her flesh and think that wasn’t abuse. Especially if she went to Michael first with photographic evidence.

And then what? Go back to stale sex once every few weeks with a man she couldn’t get off with? And the alternative? Being with someone like Anton? It wasn’t worth the risk.

She dug in her purse for her cell. Michael could have called while she was out. Suddenly she needed to hear the safety of his voice. But there was only one message. Vivian was surprised to find it was from her neighbor.

“Hey, I thought maybe we could hang out since Michael’s out of town. I don’t have classes tomorrow, so I rented a bunch of movies and made popcorn balls. Come over, or call.”

Vivian looked at the dash. It was eight thirty. She pressed the button to return the missed call.

Jewel answered on the third ring.

“I need something of greater substance than popcorn balls. Order us some Chinese?” Vivian’s anxiety had spiked so high her brain was sending fake hunger signals.#p#分页标题#e#

“Sure. Where were you?”

“Shopping. See you in a few.”

Vivian disconnected the call before Jewel could ask further questions. She got home as quickly as she could and changed clothes, including her underwear. She couldn’t stand to keep on anything she’d worn for Anton.

The mirror over the whirlpool tub proved too hard to resist. Her eyes widened as she took in the dark purple marks from the cane. They would be bruises soon. She ran her fingertips over the raised welts, then flipped her cell phone open and dialed Jewel’s number.

“I might be about forty more minutes. I’m going to take a quick bath.”

“No problem. I’ll keep your food warm.”

She’d had a long bath before going to Dome, but she felt so dirty. It was an emotional kind of grime that seeped to the outside.

“What’s wrong with me?” she said into the empty room. Her brain remained silent, refusing to supply an answer, despite the question ringing around for the millionth time.

Anton had humiliated her and hurt her. When he’d lain across the bed with that pompous smirk on his face, fully expecting to see her on Tuesday, she’d been so furious. But was she furious at him, or because her pussy had responded like a wind-up doll?

Most disturbing of all was the idea that he believed he held so much sway over her, she would return to him again. That the orgasm that rocked through her when she’d finally had his cock straining inside her walls, had been so amazing she’d forget or ignore the pain and humiliation he’d put her through.

Before she’d realized what she was doing, she’d pushed the button for the jets and pressed her clit against the spray. Vivian held onto the side of the tub as the pulsating water moved her toward another orgasm. And God help her, but she was thinking of Anton and the caning when she came.





The three yapping Yorkies greeted Vivian when she arrived at her neighbor’s house. With any luck her frenemy-turned-sanity-net would be able to distract her from thoughts of Anton and Tuesday looming on the horizon.

Jewel shooed the dogs away and ushered Vivian into the house.

“Your plate’s in the kitchen. I got extra egg rolls.”

“Thanks.” If she put on fifteen pounds maybe she could get Anton to get rid of her. If he told her never to come back, surely she hadn’t yet reached the level of stupidity to beg him to keep going.

She sat on the red leather sofa in the living room while the Yorkies became deathly still and quiet. They sat at her feet, staring at the plate on her lap. Waiting.

“Your dogs are fucking eerie.”

“I know. They’re shameless little beggars. You want me to lock them in the bathroom?”

An image of herself handcuffed in Anton’s bathroom only a few hours before, leaped into her mind.

“No, that’s okay. I’ll just ignore them.”

“They won’t jump on you or try to eat off your plate. At least I managed to train them that well.”

“What are we watching?”

“Okay, don’t judge, but I’ve been wanting to watch this movie forever. It’s about a legal secretary who gets spanked by her boss and . . . other things.”

“Umm . . . ”

“I said don’t judge.”

Vivian was sure her face was beet red. Had she been living in a bubble of denial? Was she surrounded by freaks? If so, I’m a freak, too, her inner voice chided.

Somehow she managed not to do or say anything to embarrass herself while the movie played. She shoveled the lo mein and egg rolls into her mouth without realizing she was eating them, her eyes glued to the screen.

When the credits rolled, Jewel sighed. “I would so be her.”

“Really?” Vivian tried to look nonchalant.

“Oh yes. Do you think Michael would ever do that sort of thing with you?”

“Hell and no are the words that come to mind.”

Jewel giggled, but Vivian couldn’t bring herself to smile. She would have been that girl too. She was becoming that girl. Maybe she’d always been that girl.

Maybe that was why, after the initial thrill of her relationship with Michael had worn off, her libido had completely shut down, and why it woke again at the most inappropriate times, with Michael, with Anton, even with the doctor.