Guarding His Desires (Passionate Security Book 2)(28)

"You believe in forgiveness, but not second chances?"

"Oh Rafael, don't confuse the two. They are not the same concepts. Forgiveness brings peace. A second chance brings a repeat of history."





ZACHARY INTERRUPTS their hike and scales a monolithic rock formation in the Valley of Fire, a state park north and east of Las Vegas full of historic dunes and mountain ridges. Gustavo climbs up the opposite side of the jagged rocks until he reaches the lengthy tunnel chamber naturally formed inside the sandstone from hundreds of thousands of years of erosion from desert wind and water.

Zachary spots Gustavo at the far end and tests the tunnel's echoing effects.

"You dear man," Zachary says, "can you hear this compliment, so far away, when I speak with my regular voice?"

"I can," Gustavo answers, his voice also rolling and transporting down the hollow of the long tunnel.

"What about a whisper?"

Gustavo does not answer.

"I am falling in love with you," Zachary whispers.

Gustavo crawls into the chamber, scraping the sandstone's red ash onto his hiking clothes.

"Meet me halfway," Gustavo hollers, sliding forward. "The first one to the center wins the kiss of his choice."

Zachary wriggles inside the tunnel and squirms to the estimated center a few seconds before Gustavo. Looking at the soot and pebbles in each other's hair and clothes, they both laugh.

"You won fair and square," Gustavo says. "Where do you want your kiss?"

"Everywhere," Zachary answers with a deadpan expression.

"I can only reach your face in this tunnel," Gustavo reminds him.

"Then I will collect my prize in Hawaii."

Gustavo kisses the tip of Zachary's nose.

"I feel overwhelmed with a sense of power and hope," Gustavo says. "I wish I had the words to express it."         

     



 

"You should," Zachary replies. "You achieved the altruistic conclusion for the cobra. How many other people could selflessly hand away invaluable treasure?"

"That is deeply rewarding, but it is not just that. It's about how I feel being around you."

"Don't fall in love with me, Gustavo. I never want to hurt you. I don't think I am what you want."

"Why not?"

"I will tell you..."

"But you are still not ready?"

"No, not yet."

Gustavo backs slowly out of the tunnel, scraping his elbows on the cold stone edges of the rocks.





40


Island




Zachary looks at the first class passengers in the row of the plane behind them. Both women are wearing headphones and seem to be completely oblivious to the presence of the men. Across the aisle, Aleksey is staring out the window, trying to spot particular homes and buildings before the plane soars too high and too far west. Leaving McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, all of the passengers are confined by their seat belts as the plane ascends.

"We have privacy," Zachary says to Gustavo beside him. "I want to ask you something. Are you struggling with your new reality?"

"Do you mean not being able to live an ordinary life?" Gustavo asks. "Having to conceal my whereabouts and home and so forth?"

"It's not easy to do. It requires a massive change in mindset."

"I am not fretting about it. I doubt I will ever resent doing it because there was really no choice at all. It is a new phase of my life and now safety will be paramount."

"I admire your attitude, Gustavo," Zachary adds.

"To be completely frank with you," Gustavo replies, "a major life change is due for me anyway. I fell in a slump-both a creative slump and a financial crisis. I am not quitting. In fact, I am intrigued with pursuing a new direction-a new phase-but I will be working toward new achievements outside of Los Angeles. I cannot afford to live there anymore. I am actually considering looking for a room to rent during our trip to Oahu. The island would be expensive for a newcomer, but I know it extremely well. I can live there incognito, affordably, with more friends and a stronger support system than I was able to develop in California."

"Is your decision final?"

"About the direction of my art and creative exploration? Yes. About moving back to Oahu? No."





GUSTAVO LEADS THE WAY up the final concrete and metal steps to the peak. Zachary, close behind him, and Aleksey, several lengths back, enjoy the sudden rush of mountain and ocean breezes.

Upon reaching the pinnacle of the Diamond Head trail, the three men separate. Each one surveying his own vistas and making his own observations. Each one lost in his own thoughts and contemplating his own decisions.

Ready to share his ideas, Zachary finds Aleksey first. He joins him, leaning against a railing, gazing at Waikiki harbor and the skyscrapers of Honolulu.

"Have you told Gustavo the truth yet?" Aleksey asks, adding a friendly wink.

"I am about to," Zachary answers. "He may abhor me once he knows the reason for my promiscuity."

"No, not that truth. Your truth. Your feelings for him."

"You think I'm in love?"

"You are, Zach. Tell him. Then he can make his own choices."

"Nothing changes with us, Aleksey. I want and need your protection and friendship. I hope you will work for me for many years to come."

"I already told you I will remain with you, no matter where you decide to live. I mean that. Thank you for reassuring me that we are solid. Now, please go to Gustavo. There will never be a better time or place."

Zachary moseys to Gustavo, takes his hand, and leads him off the trail. They sit on the low, roof-like platform of a dormant concrete bunker perched on the top of a ridge, facing the Pacific Ocean.

"It's time, Gustavo," Zachary says. "It's finally time. I have to tell you now."

"Is it time for us to part ways?" Gustavo asks.

"I hope not."

Gustavo inhales a deep breath. Visibly relieved, he turns his body so he is facing Zachary.

"Financially, you need my help," Zachary says. "Let me take care of your worries."

"No, you don't owe me money," Gustavo replies. "I cannot accept your money. That is not what I want."

"Hold on. I am doing this all wrong."

Zachary slides a few inches closer and puts his arm around Gustavo's shoulders.

"Let me try again," Zachary says. "I am bumbling because I was planning on telling you one thing-about my past-and now I want to tell you something else too."

"If you are not sure of your words, don't say them yet," Gustavo responds. "I am not asking anything of you. If you are struggling to vocalize something, then maybe you are not ready."         

     



 

"I am ready, but it's hard to say."

"Is it what you whispered to me in the tunnel?"

"You heard that?" Zachary asks, his eyebrows arching and his jaw dropping.

"Is it true?" Gustavo asks.

"Yes."

"Are you certain?"

"I am sure. I am falling in love with you."

Gustavo wraps his arm around Zachary's waist. They embrace, squeezing each other closer than ever before. Neither man relents.

"Are you in love with me too?" Zachary asks, speaking directly into Gustavo's ear.

"You know I am," Gustavo answers.

"Tell me."

"I love you and want to make you happy."

Zachary twitches and the men release each other from their grip. Zachary holds both of Gustavo's hands, using his thumbs to rub the top of his fingers.

"Please let me share what you must know before we take any step further," Zachary says. "My promiscuity, since I have been a professional fighter, has not been based on lust. Or a need for approval. Or insecurity or a feeling of power. Nothing like that. Instead, I became convinced that I could acquire-legally, ethically, and naturally-mighty strength from the seeds of other men. I have to speak candidly. Receiving the semen of other virile men surged strength through my mind and body, and I eagerly swallowed it. Every drop. To this day, whether scientifically right or wrong, I still believe in it. But something happened along the way, Gustavo. Through the years, sex became empty of attraction and dynamics with other men, and solely became a pursuit for bodily fluid. I realized I wasn't making love. I wasn't even having quick flings. I was just sucking other men and ingesting their essence. The sorry truth is I cannot even remember the last time I had real sex with someone. Until kissing you in the cabin, I cannot recall the last time I kissed someone on the mouth. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"I do understand," Gustavo answers. "Are you saying you must continue your promiscuity until you retire from your sport?"

"No, it is time I find power in a new way. Power not from strangers, but from someone who loves me. Whether I slip and my career wanes, or if I continue ascending and reach international fame and championship title belts, I want a meaningful life that includes affection. I want to build a life with someone I love. That person is you."

"We have only known each other a few days, but my feelings are intense and certain too. If what you want is a partner, not someone to take care of with your money, then let's do this. Let's pursue it together."