Guardians: The Girl (The Guardians Series, Book 1)(57)
“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry about what?”
“Sorry, I hurt you so deeply just now.”
“Whatever, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. And I should be more understanding.”
“Are angels supposed to be understanding?”
“Ideally.”
“Oh.”
“Did she hurt you?”
“Ameana? No. She just tried to scare me.”
“Did it work?”
“Yes and no.”
“Usually she can be very persuasive.”
“Has she ever persuaded you to do anything?”
“Yes.”
“I’m sure she didn’t persuade you to do anything that you wouldn’t have done anyway because it was the right thing.”
“Angels don’t always do the right thing.”
“Then what separates you guys from us?”
“Expectations.”
“Whose?”
“Omnis’.”
“What does he expect of you?’
“Everything.”
“Are you able to deliver?”
“Mostly.”
“I can’t imagine you failing at anything.”
“Actually, I fail at most things. You’re just not paying attention.”
“I shouldn’t be doing this, huh?” I ask him.
“No.”
“I can turn around.”
“You won’t.”
“No, I won’t.”
Rio stays in the car and I run out to the house. As I walk up the stairs I see him. He’s helping Ameana with her coat. She doesn’t notice that I’m there. She hugs him tightly. She’s facing away from me while Marcus and I lock eyes.
Without speaking out loud, I tell him everything with one sincere, pleading glance.
Marcus, choose me. Choose the path that is perilous and leads to certain annihilation because it’s also the path that leads to me. They can’t understand that we are powerless to stop what we have for each other. But we know. We know that if we don’t bend to the will of this love, it will break us.
He looks back at me and I read the answer in his eyes.
Go away, Emmy. Please, go away.
I cover my mouth with my hand. I run out of the house and onto the sidewalk. I try to get my body to stop shaking but I can’t. My body doesn’t take commands from me anymore. It doesn’t trust me. My heart gave itself over to my crazy, outlandish desires, and now it’s broken. I’m broken. I can’t imagine being whole again after this kind of rejection.
Someone help me. Please.
“You are not the only one who needs help,” a boy who’s about five or six years old says to me. I’m paralyzed with heartbreak and don’t understand what he’s talking about.
“I’m talking about Rio. Look over there,” he says. I turn and follow his gaze. Sure enough, Rio is in the car doubled over in pain.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Your pain is too much for him. You are only feeling one emotion right now and it is so deep and so all-consuming, it radiates beyond what the Guardian can handle. In short, Emmy, you’re killing him.”
“What do I do?”
“I could tell you to stop hurting but it would be pointless, not to mention rude.”
Who the hell is this kid?
“I’m the Sage, my dear.”
“You’re the Sage? Then help him.”
“He needs you to feel something else or get as far away from him as you can. Let us take a walk,” he says.
I follow him down the block. I keep looking back at Rio and I think the distance is helping.
“How is your father?” he asks.
“I don’t have one.”
“Ah, youth. So full rage and righteous indication.”
“I don’t care if you are a thousand years old and all-knowing. Stay out of this!”
“You’re like Marcus: full of fire.”
“I don’t want to hear about Marcus. I hate him.”
“I think Rio would beg to differ. As would Ameana and the rest of them, for that matter.”
“Yeah, well. That was before. Now I just want him to go back where he came from and leave me the hell alone.”
“Wish it were that easy.”
“It is. I hate him. And I will stay as far away from him as I can.”
“You’ve tried that many times before, have you not?”
“Yeah, but this time it’s different.”
“We shall see.”
“Why did you make that stupid prediction about my being the end of him? You messed everything up.”
“Well, I suppose I could have lied to him and told him that everything would go as he had planned.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Emerson Hope, who exactly do you think I am? Do you think that I was chosen simply by luck? I have handled cycle after cycle of Guardians. I arm them with information that will enable them to fight the evil that threatens your very existence. I’m not here to help you with your love life.”
“I can’t stop wanting him, needing him. But he could care less.”
“Cruel, is it not, ignoring how one feels?”
“It hurts so bad. I can’t take it.”
“I suspect Ameana is right: you are stronger than you know.”
“I’m not. I can’t take this. Marcus, Julian, the Triplex. I just want it all to stop.”
I sob and the waves hit me over and over again. I need a tissue but I don’t have one.
He takes out a small new pack of tissues. They’re the brand I like.
“I know, Emmy. That is why I got them,” he says. I study him for the first time. His power amazes me.
“Thank you, I try,” he says.
“You can really read minds and tell the future.”
“Yes.”
“I’m really going to end his life, little ol’ me?”
“Look what you did to Rio.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Your intent is not in question. You have a good heart.”
“It doesn’t change anything, does it?”
“Not in the least.”
The Sage went to check on Rio and told me to take some time to think about what he said. I told him I couldn’t be alone, but he assured me that I would not be attacked tonight. So, thanks to the Sage this is the first time I’ve actually been alone in months.
I head to the public library on Forty Second Street and Fifth Ave. I spend a few hours reading my favorite passages from various books. Then I head home.
My eyes are fixed on the floor because I feel like a complete loser. I’m a few yards away when I spot someone standing in the front of my building. I can’t really make the guy out, but I think it’s the janitor’s son, Eric. He’s nice enough, but I’m in no mood to talk. I put my head down and hope that my demeanor will tell him to skip the pleasant banter.
“Hi” he says.
I look up. It’s not Eric. It’s Marcus. He stands in front of me with his hands in his pockets and his tie loosened around his neck. He has been running his hands through his hair. His eyes are wild, deeply penetrating. I’m feeling too many things all at once. But the one feeling that prevails is that of being drained.
“I don’t have it in me to go another round with you. Please let me go home,” I say to him.
“I need to say this to you. When I’m done, you can go home and never talk to me again if you want, okay?”
I don’t answer I just shrug slightly and wait for him to say his piece.
“I broke things off with Ameana.”
“What, why?”
He pauses then speaks again, with painful honesty.
“When the Sage told me that you would be the end of me, I thought the answer was simple: I just stay away from you. But that hasn’t helped because my every waking thought is of you. And since I don’t sleep, my every thought is of you.”
“And when I saw you tonight outside the house, I was so angry. I was angry because I didn’t feel true happiness until I saw you standing there. It was only then that I realized I had spent my day praying that you would come see me.”
“You rejected me.”
“I tried to. Omnis knows I tried. But I don’t care anymore. You can be the end of me. So long as I get to hold you, none of it matters.”
“Marcus, you can’t die for me.”
He walks up to me. We’re inches apart.
“When I heard the twins’ Core, I thought no death could ever be worse. But I was wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
“There is a worse death, Emmy. There’s the death that comes when I watch you walk away from me. The death that comes when I can’t hold you and tell you that I love more than anyone should ever love.”
“But the Sage said—”
“I don’t give a damn what he said. Not being with you is killing me. I can’t do it anymore. Please, don’t make me.”
He strokes my cheek with the palm of his hand.
“I’m scared,” I confess.
He leans in to kiss me. And even though it’s what I want with every fiber of my being, I pull away. He looks into my eyes sadly.
“It’s too late, isn’t it?”
Before I can answer him, the twins and Jay fly down to us. We know something is wrong because they fly down with no concern for who is or isn’t around.
“What is it?” Marcus asks his team.
“It’s Rio, he saw Onyx,” Miku says on her brother’s behalf. Marcus turns to Rio with frustration.