I inhale deeply and prepare to be with the guy I love. As I stand there, my heart races and my hands shake. I go over it in my head. I will let him take the lead. That way, I can’t go wrong.
Wait. Does he want me
to take the lead?
Emmy, he’s a Guardian. He’s a natural-born leader. He will guide you. Now for once in your life, stop doubting yourself. Think about the last time you two made out. Think about how soft his lips felt pressed against yours. How you ached to be closer to him…
I take yet another deep breath and decide that I am done being scared. I am done being nervous. I have only weeks to live and I will not waste another moment in doubt.
I turn away, unbutton my blouse and let it fall to the floor (just like they do in the movies). I stand there in a newly purchased black padded bra that enhanced my chest by nearly a full cup. When I hear Marcus open the door, I whip around to face him and speak in my best grown-up voice.
“So, Mr. First Guardian, what do you think?”
Standing there with Marcus is Julian. Horrified, I desperately try to cover myself up with my hands. Shocked, Marcus runs to try help me cover up.
Everything seems to be happening at once; Julian threatening to kill Marcus, me looking desperately for my blouse and Marcus apologizing profusely.
I don’t stop to address him. I don’t even get my blouse. I just put my coat on and run out of the house. I don’t want to wait for the New Year. Someone kill me now.
CHAPTER THREE: HELL IS EMPTY
“Will you let me in?” Marcus asks, pounding on my bedroom door. I don’t answer. I stay under the covers and wait for some kind of merciful force to kill me…
Nothing happens.
Apparently Death takes his victims only when he’s good and ready.
I’ve been home for an hour now. So far, I haven’t been able convince time to back up and let me keep some of my dignity. How could it have gone so wrong? Why was Julian even there? I replay it over and over again. This experience is going to scar me for as long as I live.
Bright side: That’ll only be for another seven weeks or so…
“You know I can just get in a Port and show up inside your room, right?” Marcus reminds me. I roll my eyes and open the door.
“Em, I didn’t know that you thought tonight was…”
“I’m such an idiot!”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I stood in the middle of the living room half naked in front of Julian. Why was he even there?”
“He’s really been on the edge since your mom died. I thought maybe it’s time the two of you talked. That’s why I had the team clear the house; so you guys could have some alone time.”
“Julian isn’t the one I needed alone time with,” I mumble.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t clear with you.”
“Is that all you’re sorry about?”
“Was there something else?” he asks slightly irritated.
“You’re not even a little sorry that we aren’t going to be together tonight?”
“I want to be with you, you know that.”
“How would I know Marcus? By the way you spend hours away from me? Or the way you make plans to meet me, then send Rio instead?”
“You know what I’m trying to do here, Emmy.”
“Upset me?”
“You misunderstood my text, that’s not my fault.”
“Why would you even bring Julian to the house? We have nothing to say to each other.”
“You two need to talk.”
“He’s the reason we’re all in this mess.”
“I’m not a fan of the guy but the fact of the matter is, he’s your father.”
“So what?”
“You two have a connection.”
“I can’t believe you are standing here arguing on behalf of the man who raped my mom.”
“Julian says—”
“I DON’T CARE WHAT HE SAYS!”
“He’s trying to reach you.”
“And I’m trying to reach you.
Marcus,
tonight was supposed to be…special. Now it’s ruined.”
“It’s not ruined. You can still talk to your father.”
“UGH!” I hurl my pillow at him. “You are not listening to me,” I protest.
“No, Emerson, I hear you clearly. You want to push away the only family you have left”
“Why is it so important to you that I talk to Julian? He can’t tell us anything new. He’s useless to the mission now.”
“Not everything is about the mission.”
“This from the Guardian who spends twenty-six hours a day digging around in books?”
“I am not going to apologize for trying to save my girlfriend’s life.”