Grounded (Up in the Air #3)(71)

His words made me realize several things at once.

The first was that I would recognize a monster on sight, and perhaps I spent too much time jumping at shadows, and doubting people that didn't deserve my doubt.



       
         
       
        

The second was that Sven must have endured so many of the things that I had, living in a house with my father.

"He was gone most of the time," Sven said. "And he rarely came after me. That was so hard for me, to watch him do that to my mother, and be spared. It made me feel so worthless. It still does. I don't think I'll ever be able let go of that shame."

As he spoke, I registered that looks might be the biggest thing we had in common. He was the open book to my closed one.

"I had to leave her," he continued. "I was out of there the second I turned eighteen, but she wouldn't leave. No matter what he did to her, she wouldn't leave him. It made me sick, and it broke my heart, but I saved myself and left. I haven't spoken to either one of them since. And now she's gone. Anyone could have seen it coming a mile away, but I'm still in shock."

His voice was so open and raw by the end of it that I felt the need to comfort him. I watched my hand cover his, feeling surreal.

He seemed to appreciate the gesture, smiling at me, though that smile died a quick death.

"Did he hit you?" he asked, and I stiffened.

"He did. Often. He treated my mother and I much the same when he was dealing out the blows."

Sven winced. "That's horrible. I thought he spared me because I was a kid."

"He thought that women were worthless. He always made that very clear when he was in one of his rages. I believe that his mother was the one that cut him off from his family's money when he married my mother, and so he blamed them both for his misfortune."

"I'm so sorry."

I gave a little shrug. The idea of someone pitying me where my father was concerned made me uncomfortable. I was the least of his victims …

"Sven, I have something to tell you," I said, wanting to get it off my chest.

He just nodded at me to go on.

"Our father killed my mother. That was why I ran away. I didn't know about you, and I didn't know about your mother, or I would have tried to warn you both. Your mother contacted me shortly before she died. She left before I could tell her, and then I couldn't get ahold of her. I wanted to warn her about just what he was capable of. I wasn't successful, and I feel responsible."

This time his hand covered mine. "You shouldn't. Even if my mother had known about yours, she would've stayed. I doubt anything could have made her leave, so don't put that on yourself. All of this falls squarely on his shoulders. All that we can hope for is that they'll find the bastard, and lock him up for good."





CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE 

Mr. Uncivilized





I stayed much longer than I'd planned to. I hadn't expected us to have so much to say to each other. I'd thought it would be awkward, and brief, and likely pointless. I had not expected this feeling of kinship. We instantly had some kind of a bond that I didn't understand, but I knew without a doubt that we would be seeing more of each other.

I had been so deprived of all blood ties for so long that it was a revelation to me that this tie could actually mean something. Sven and I had certain things in common that no one else did, and that no one else could. There was something here worth cultivating. I hadn't seen that coming.

"So what do you do here in New York?" I asked him. We had been working backwards towards small talk, starting with the really heavy stuff.

He smiled a self-deprecating smile. "Stockbroker. I do okay at it, though I acknowledge that my occupation means I got at least some of the family gambling gene. In my defense, though, New York gambling is a lot less destructive than Vegas gambling. I guess we all say that until we lose big. And you're a flight attendant. I confess, I've read everything about you that I could get my hands on. I'm curious by nature."

That made me visibly flinch.

He held up his hands in a sign of peace. "I know most of it's garbage, but the long lost sibling thing always got to me. I have so little family that it's always felt like something was missing. I just wanted to see you-to see pictures of you, and get an idea how you were doing. Though I have to admit, some of those pictures made me blush."

I blushed just thinking of it. The first picture that popped into my mind was me in that see-through slip on the cover of a magazine. I had little hope that he hadn't seen that one.

"How did you get my number?" I asked.