“There’s more.”
“More?” Sienna’s mahogany gaze widened again, her lush lips forming circle and a pout. I had to bite my lip to keep from biting hers.
“Yes.” I nodded firmly, gritting my teeth and steeling my resolve. “I decided a long time ago that I wouldn’t . . . that the next woman I made love to would be my wife.”
She stared at me, her eyes growing impossibly wider. Seeing I was serious, she jerked backward and sputtered, “But . . . but . . . what about . . .” Apparently having trouble forming the words, Sienna motioned to her body with stilted movements then blurted, “What do you call what we just did?”
I tried to keep a smile from my face because she was just too fucking cute. “Third base.”
She growled, lifted up on her elbow, and jabbed a finger at my chest. “Well I call that making sweet, sweet love, buster.”
“You’re right, that was sweet. But I’m talking about a home run and you know it.”
I kept my tone reasonable and gentle. She was teetering on the edge of real anger, her eyes flashing fire. I reached for her. She began to draw away but I held on.
Bringing her palm to my heart I laid it all out. “I’m falling for you, Sienna. I have been since I helped you down from my truck that first day when you were lost. You touched my hand and that was it, whatever you want to call it. I was hooked. I am hooked. It might be an arbitrary line in the sand, but I needed the line to keep me walking the straight and narrow. Wanting to wait doesn’t mean I don’t want you.”
“I know,” she admitted reluctantly and I saw she was melting, her expression a mixture of helpless and hopeful. “You are pure evil, telling me this now, now that I’m addicted to you.”
A twinge of regret—of concern that I’d inadvertently hurt her—had me frowning, and I scooched an inch away. “I see—”
She grabbed fistfuls of my shirt and tugged me closer. “No, no, no. You’re not going anywhere. Don’t even think about it.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere,” I said, my voice rough. I brushed a sheet of soft, thick hair from her shoulders, trying to ignore my desire to wrap my fingers in it and pull, expose her neck, bite, and mark her perpetually sun-kissed skin. “I’m just sorry if you feel I misled you.”
“I don’t.” She shook her head. “I don’t, I mean—when would you have brought it up before now?”
“I appreciate you being so understanding.”
Her mouth opened then closed as she stared at me, finally saying, “I understand, but I don’t. I mean, if you’re in a committed relationship—and since we’ve discussed the possibility of forever, I would call this a committed relationship—I don’t see the need to wait until marriage. I don’t understand that. But given what you’ve told me about your past, I understand that you might not trust yourself. And so you, as you say, drew an arbitrary line in the sand.”
I slid my hand down her body, feeding and torturing my need to touch her, until my fingers met the bare skin of her thigh. “I made the decision in order to keep from hurting someone again.”
“Sure, okay. Maybe. I’ll buy that. If you know sex is off the table, you won’t be motivated by it.” She squinted at me. “But maybe it’s also a way to keep yourself from getting hurt. Maybe it keeps you from losing control, from fully investing in someone who might leave you.”
I glared at her. Her words struck a chord, and it was an uncomfortable one. My first instinct was to reject her assessment. Of course I wasn’t trying to protect myself. That was just silliness. That would make my sacrifice a selfish one.
But the longer she stared at me with her serene expression, patience in her eyes, the better I could see past my initial impulse. I liked to think I could’ve settled down a hundred times over in the five years. But that wasn’t true. I have a healthy dose of ego and self-confidence, quite possibly bordering on arrogance. But when it got down to brass tacks, what woman worth having would want me for something other than a fling?
“What are you thinking?”
My gaze cut to hers—to this gorgeous, clever, strong woman—and I made two decisions: first, I might not ever truly deserve her, but I would work every day to be a man who did. I would work to merit her trust, loyalty, and love. I would earn it no matter how freely she might be willing to give it.
Second, I was going to break my rule. I was going to make love to her when that’s what it was. It wouldn’t be just sex, and it certainly wouldn’t be fucking around. When the time was right, regardless of whether or not we were married, I was going to take that gamble.