I nodded, but I couldn’t keep the hard edge out of my voice. “That’s right. Because I had bad habits, Billy. Habits that had me treating women like shit. Treating you and Momma and Ashley and everyone else like they didn’t matter. Habits that made me hate myself. So I decided to change.”
Billy’s hand dropped and so did the reinforced walls in his gaze. He blinked, his gaze penetrating, like he was seeing me for the first time in a long time.
So I took advantage of the moment, because I didn’t know if I’d ever have it again.
“I’m sorry.”
He flinched and looked away, at the wood pile, at the shed, anywhere but at me.
I wasn’t finished. “I’m sorry you had to be the responsible one. I’m sorry our father beat you senseless instead of me. I was the oldest, I should have protected you. I should have protected all of you. I’m sorry I was a crap brother. And I want to make it up to you, however I can. Tell me how to make it up to you, Billy.”
I watched him swallow, saw his eyes were rimmed with emotion and knew he hated I was there to witness it.
I took a step back, giving us both space, and held my hands out, palms up, beseeching. “Tell me what to do.”
CHAPTER 21
“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
― Rumi
~Jethro~
“I promised Dave you’d have Sienna home before eight, so no driving to Hawk’s Field and making out in the car.”
“Cletus,” I warned, wrapping my arms around Sienna from behind and pulling her back against my chest. I couldn’t be too irritated with Cletus. He was the reason Sienna had come over at all—him, and his meddling.
The evening had gone from fine to good, good to fantastic, fantastic to unpleasant, and unpleasant to miraculous.
Billy and I had returned to the deck together. We weren’t holding hands or singing Kumbaya, but we weren’t tossing insults at each other either.
No one remarked on Billy’s storming off. Dessert was served, during which Billy made a point to sit next to Sienna and apologize like a gentleman. He also laughed at all her jokes. Although he avoided my gaze for the remainder of the evening, I knew things between us must’ve shifted because he’d told a story about us two as kids.
We’d broken into Mr. Tanner’s junkyard to steal toilet seat lids. We’d covered them with Saran Wrap and placed them in public restrooms. Everybody was laughing, me most of all. I’d forgotten about the incident. We were close as kids, before all the bad that comes with being a teenager and wanting mischief of a more destructive kind.
It was good to remember, and it was good he hadn’t forgotten.
Now we were gathered on the front porch. Cletus, Billy, Beau, Roscoe, Drew, and Ashley were off to the jam session at the community center. Duane and Jess were off someplace else. I was fixing to drive Sienna back to her place. I didn’t think Green Valley was ready for Sienna Diaz to show up at a jam session. Not yet. But it was an occasion to work toward.
“Now, let me finish, Jethro,” Cletus protested my interruption. “It’s not polite to cut people off when they’re in the middle of a thought. As I was saying, don’t go to Hawk’s Field, that’s too long a drive. Go to Duane and Jessica’s love nest down the road, over by Wright’s Ridge. No one knows about that place and I bet Duane keeps the sheets clean.”
Jess winked at me and said, “We both do and you’re welcome.”
While Duane grumbled, “Thanks, Cletus. Now everyone knows about it.”
“Not everyone,” Cletus said with an air of obliviousness. “I haven’t told Jessica’s brother Jackson about it.” Turning to Sienna, Cletus took her hand and placed a kiss on the back of it. “Thank you for coming, Ms. Diaz. I hope you plan on returning soon.”
“Thank you, Cletus. I’ll be happy to return anytime I’m invited.”
“You’re always invited,” I murmured in her ear, causing her to tilt her head reflexively as I tickled her neck with my beard. Her body shivered, just a subtle tremble, but it was enough to remind me of how very close I’d come to taking her against a tree.
For the record, I’d been very close.
Finally releasing her hand, Cletus noted conversationally, “If you come next Wednesday, I’ll let you try my sausage.”
I gathered a breath for patience and squeezed Sienna’s waist.
“Here we go,” Drew said as he swapped a knowing look with my sister.
Meanwhile, Beau rolled his eyes and released a disgusted snort. “Not this again.”
“Cletus’s famous sausage is famous,” Jess added helpfully, her eyebrows bouncing. She was already giggling.