Grin and Beard It(45)

I shook my head.

“Don’t. Just know she’s at the top of the A-list, world famous levels of celebrity. She’s got a new boyfriend every week, all of them Hollywood pretty boys. But she was the same in college, before she dropped out to become Sienna Diaz. She’s whip smart, funny as hell, beautiful, talented as fuck, could charm the collar off a priest. She’s amazing. But she’s career-focused. I’ve known her six years and have never seen her as serious about anyone like she is about her job. I just asked her last week whether anything had changed, whether she was inclined to settle down any time soon.”

“What’d she say?” I couldn’t help my perverse curiosity.

“She said settling down was the same thing as settling, and she had no plans to settle.” He gave me a flat smile.

I nodded, absorbing these details, forcing myself to believe them despite how I wished they weren’t so.

“Are you upset because she’s had so many relationships or that one of them was with me?” he asked, dry humor permeating the words.

“Neither,” I said, grabbing the double and downing it with one swallow. It burned, but the hurt felt good.

I wasn’t upset she’d dated Hank. Nor was I twisted up about her having a battalion of suitors. My despondency was borne from already feeling invested in a girl who had a history of not investing.

Because I had invested. Maybe I didn’t realize how much until that very moment, but I’d been making plans and calling them wishes. Not only did she not invest, apparently she was opposed to the idea.

“Don’t let me have any more after this one.” I pointed to the single still on the bar. “I have to be up early tomorrow.”

“Fine. I won’t.” Hank crossed his arms, uncertainty casting a shadow over his features. “She’s not a bad person, Jet. She’s good people. She makes a great friend. She’s just a flirt, can’t help it.” He was quiet for a beat, then added, “She kind of reminds me of you that way.”

I lifted my eyes to him. “What do you mean?”

“Not how you are now, though you still flirt without meaning to, but you have better control over it. Whereas before you were breaking hearts without knowing, leaving a trail of frustrated hopes. You and Sienna have that in common, except you’ve moved beyond it—”

“And she hasn’t,” I finished for him.

Hank gave me a sympathetic nod. “No. She hasn’t. I doubt she realizes it either. Like I said, she’s a good person. She’s got a big heart, but I suppose that’s part of the issue. People gravitate to her big heart, her big charisma,” he shrugged, adding with a grin, “and her big other things.”

Now I wanted to punch him in the face.

But that wasn’t my place.

And I was just as bad as he was because I’d been admiring her big other things most of the night. I’d already been imagining what it would be like to have her, what she’d taste like, and the sounds she’d make. Now it would all remain a fantasy, an unknown . . . a frustration.

I twisted the small glass on the bar, staring at the gold liquid, debating my options. But after a minute I realized I didn’t have any options. I’d been building castles out of clouds because Sienna clearly saw me as a short-term diversion.

How could she not? World-famous, gorgeous, sexy, can-have-anyone-she-wants Sienna Diaz and wildlife park ranger Jethro Winston from Nowhere Tennessee?

Nope. Not going to happen.

Yep. I was a temporary distraction.

“Sorry, Jet. But the dog won’t hunt.”

Leaving the shot where it was, I reached for my wallet and set a twenty on the bar. “Thanks for the information.”

“You don’t want your drink?”

“No. You have it. I need all my wits about me tomorrow if I’m going to make it through the day without acting like an asshole.”

“Your asshole days are behind you.” His tone was both concerned and encouraging.

“Don’t worry about me.”

But I could see Hank was worried, especially when he pressed, “Jethro, you’re not special. She has this effect on everyone. You’re just one of many. Don’t beat yourself up; you couldn’t have known.”

If he was trying to cheer me up his words had the opposite effect. My mood turned from cloudy to dark. But that was okay. One could argue I had this coming, given my misspent youth.

Karma was a shithead.

Yet, it could have been worse. I hadn’t traveled too far down the road with Sienna. I could still make a U-turn. And I would. And then I’d be just fine.





CHAPTER 11


“The true paradises are the paradises that we have lost.”