“You think men who have sex with lots of women are ‘gross’?” I’d never heard a full-grown man describe promiscuity as gross.
“Yes, I do.” He nodded firmly. “All that swapping of bodily fluids? Disgusting. Indiscriminate sex is like indiscriminate pie eating. I might enjoy the pie, but then I find out it was baked in a dirty kitchen, drooled and sneezed on by nut jobs, baked by a nut job who wants me to eat her dirty pie every day. Next thing you know I have a stalker, dysentery, and herpes just from one ignorant bite of pie. I keep my kitchen clean and discriminate and so should my partner. Plus, I don’t want someone telling me Pop-Tarts are pie. Pop-Tarts aren’t pie. I can tell the difference. I don’t want a half-assed baker.”
Despite the situation, I couldn’t help my small smile. “So you’re looking for a virgin kitchen, Cletus?”
“No, no, no. I didn’t say that. Ideally, I’d like a chef who keeps a clean kitchen but knows a thing or two about baking, or at least makes a solid effort. If she doesn’t know how to bake or isn’t good at cooking, I guess I could teach her. But . . .” he shrugged, “I like the idea of being with someone where we can both teach each other to cook new—quality—recipes.”
“In non-analogy terms, please.”
“Fine. I’m after a woman who likes sex but doesn’t put the lust part above the intelligence part. She could have a hundred partners for all I care, just as long as they’ve been vetted for psychopathic tendencies. I have four rules. Number one: don’t invite a person into your body if you wouldn’t invite her into your kitchen. Number two: the act needs to take place in a clean environment. Number three: precautions need to be taken to protect from disease and pregnancy. And Number four: don’t ration the passion, i.e. put your best fuck forward.”
I had to press my lips together. Even in my current state of despair, put your best fuck forward was hilarious. “I might have to steal that, Cletus.”
“Go right ahead. I ain’t using it for anything profitable.”
Wanting to get back to Jethro’s guilt, I asked, “So these women at the motorcycle club? They didn’t take precautions?”
“It’s not just the women, that’s what I’m saying. Neither party thinks about any of the above. Not the women or the men, no one has a clean kitchen, everyone is serving Pop-Tarts and calling it pie, and the kitchen is full of sociopaths going around being violent fools. It’s gonorrhea city up at that place. And that’s why I think it’s gross.”
“And Jethro?”
“Well, he didn’t think about it until he did think about it. And when he thought about it, he stopped. And then he called the health inspector. And now he’s kept his kitchen spotless by not baking anything for anyone, just for himself.”
“This is the basis for all his guilt? That he made thoughtless, horny decisions as a youth?”
“He told you about stealing cars?”
“Yes. But he was never convicted, right?”
“That’s right, but he did it regardless. Never paid for it either. I think that bothers him, the stealing and not being punished for it. He was going to turn himself in, but my momma asked him not to. She asked him to go to school instead, be a man we would all look up to. She said, and I agreed, he could make up for his thieving by doing right by his family. He wouldn’t have done a lick of good locked up.”
“He still feels undeserving though. He still feels like he should be punished.”
“I think so. Never mind all the shit he put up with when he was thieving, from our father and the club. If you ask me, he’s already paid his debt. But, uh,” Cletus hesitated, scratching his jaw, “there was this one time our father tried to do something untoward concerning Ashley.”
I nodded, noting softly, “Jethro told me about that.”
“Then I assume he told you about Roxy and Kim?”
I tensed. “No. Who are they? Are they club women?”
“Yes and no. Yes, they became club women, but Jethro introduced them to the lifestyle. And now they’re both hooked on drugs and live at the club, getting passed around by those sociopaths. He blames himself.”
“Ah . . . I see.” And I did see. And that was a big deal.
“Kim thought Jethro was her old man, and he likely lied to lead her on. And Roxy, who he also led on, was half in love with him when he took her to the club the first time.”
“What has he done about it? I mean, has he tried to help?”
“Yes. But neither of those ladies are interested in his help.”