Grin and Beard It(116)

“Sienna, this isn’t about your celebrity. This is about my past hurting your future.”

“Don’t do this.” I wanted to reach for him again, frustrated tears burning my eyes. “Stay with me. Stay the night, and we’ll talk it through.”

“Not tonight.” Jethro didn’t look at me when he spoke, but his voice was unrecognizable, hard and cold as granite. “I need time.”





CHAPTER 29


“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

― Kahlil Gibran

~Jethro~

“Time,” she echoed.

I made no move other than to turn left toward Hank’s cabin. I said nothing because I couldn’t speak, not yet. I was too angry, too frustrated. I couldn’t think past the string of curses and profanities hurling through my brain.

It didn’t matter how much I’d changed, how hard I’d worked to become something different, better than the garbage I’d been. My past was still hurting people, or had the potential to hurt, and this time it would be Sienna.

“You need time,” she said.

I didn’t like her tone.

She sounded hollow and anxious, close to tears. But I couldn’t do anything about her tone just now. I couldn’t find the wherewithal within myself to pacify and soothe, tell her everything was going to be just fine. I wasn’t a liar, not anymore.

I didn’t know whether or not everything would be just fine.

We pulled into Hank’s gravel driveway and I eased on the brake. I tried to ignore the sense of hopelessness as we pulled to a complete stop. Neither of us spoke. I was too busy trying to think of ways to obscure my past.

Maybe . . . maybe I could ask Cletus for help. Maybe he could figure out a way to remove all my arrest records from the law enforcement databases.

But that still left all the people who knew me growing up. That still left plenty of stories and willing storytellers, eager to share tales of my misdeeds. I didn’t blame them. I’d been the one to mess up my life. I’d earned every mortifyingly scandalous element of those stories. I was responsible.

And, of course, there was my father. If the picture he’d sent weeks ago was any indication, he’d be the first person in line to exploit our relationship. I heard his words again, the message on the photo, as though he were sitting in the truck with us.

You always were best at the big cons. I hope her bank account is as big as her tits. She can pay my legal fees.

I cursed under my breath, wanting to smash something.

What the hell had I done?

He was a loose cannon.

Shit.

Sienna deserved better. She didn’t deserve to be tarnished by association. She didn’t deserve to be linked to my father.

My job, as her man, was to take care of her, see to her needs and well-being. Not cause embarrassment, not be a stain on her reputation. Not make her job harder. I’d already darkened the lives of my own family. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt her chances for success.

I couldn’t.

And I wouldn’t.

She cleared her throat, her hands balled into fists on her lap. “How much time do you need?”

I shook my head but didn’t answer. Instead, I exited the cab and walked around to her side, opening her door and offering her my hand.

She didn’t take it and made no move to leave the truck.

“Jethro,” she exhaled a broken sigh, “talk to me.”

I dropped my hand and met her pleading dark eyes, hating myself for putting sadness there.

“Just give me time,” I said, removed from the moment.

“What are you thinking?”

I tried to breathe in, but the tightness around my lungs didn’t permit it. “You know what I’m thinking.”

“You’re overreacting.” She jumped down from the cab, shut the door, and placed her hands on my shoulders, narrowing her eyes at me. “Nothing has to be decided right now. We can . . .” She paused, swallowing with effort, and when she spoke next her voice cracked. “I know it’s not ideal, but we can date in secret for a while, just until—”

“Hell. No,” I growled.

A visceral, vehement rejection of the idea pounded through my veins, setting my brain on fire.

I hated it. I hated lying. I hated denying and pretending.

Her hands dropped from my shoulders, her eyes widening by what she saw on my face. Sienna tried to take a step back, but the truck behind her halted her progress.

And it wasn’t just the thought of lying to everyone. Over the last weeks I’d given Sienna’s fame serious thought, but obviously not enough, not about things that mattered. She mattered. More than anything.

See, I’d been preoccupied with her status on countless dirty lists, like Beau’s for example. I’d come to a measure of peace with this reality. She was famous and beautiful, smart, funny, and sexy. Of course she was going to be on these lists. Of course men and some women would think about her in that way.