Matt swallowed audibly and nodded his head, spinning them in a slow circle in the water. “It wasn’t so bad for me—”
“Matt,” she warned. “I’ve seen your scars, remember?”
“It really wasn’t, Willa. I’d been in there as long as I could remember, and at some point, I got used to the pain. It was just a part of my life, and I didn’t know any better. But when I had to watch the other kids go in for tissue samples, it broke something in me. I was the oldest one there, and those kids felt like mine. Like my brothers and sisters to protect, and I couldn’t do a damned thing. I was the only grizzly shifter, but they gave us medicine to stop our Changes. In the Menagerie, we only Changed when they let us off the meds, and in a controlled setting.”
“A controlled setting?”
“Chained.”
Fuck. Warmth streamed down her cheeks as she closed her eyes against the stabbing pain in her heart. “How long were you in there?”
“You’re crying. I should stop.”
“How long, Matt?”
Matt eased back. His eyes had gone dead, his face passive and emotionless. “Ages four to sixteen. Twelve years. I was Reynolds’s first specimen.”
“Reynolds was who you mentioned after you had that nightmare.”
“He was the head of the Menagerie. He died a few years ago. I got to see it. He’d caught up to a couple of bears in the Ashe Crew, and the Gray Backs and Boarlanders came to help. Brighton and Denison Beck took him into the woods and put an ax to his neck. They took a kill I’d dreamed about my whole life. I was mad and relieved all at once. It dredged up a lot of memories, but it was finally over.”
“Is this why your bear fights?” she asked, cupping his cheeks.
Another nod.
“Is this why you were searching for a mate?”
Matt wiped a damp strand of hair from her cheek. “Yeah. I thought it would fix me. Or at least make me feel more even—more normal. My sister found that with her mate, Haydan. I want that, too.”
“Matt? Am I who your bear has chosen?”
Matt’s face contorted, his eyes looking tortured as he leaned in to kiss her. Resting his forehead against hers, he nodded. “Yeah. You’re my mate.”
“Oh, Matt,” she whispered, hugging him tight. How had everything got so screwed up? She’d known this—known there was something big happening between them. With every night they spent together, she felt the tether that bound their hearts thickening until it was unbreakable.
But this was supposed to be temporary. She was supposed to go back to her life in Minden, and if she was lucky, maintain a long distance relationship with Matt where she would visit as often as her new job allowed. But this? Being his mate felt too big for long distance.
What was she supposed to do? She’d only met him a week ago, but this vacation felt more permanent now. More like home. But what could she do here? There were no job opportunities two hours outside of town, and she couldn’t be one of those women who depended solely on a man to support her. She was too self-reliant for that, and someday, she’d grow to resent life here if it stole her independence. But now she couldn’t even imagine saying goodbye to Matt for any amount of time. Not after he’d finally opened up to her and shared his painful past.
She had one day left with him before she had to make the decision to leave or stay. “I don’t know what to do.”
Pain pooled in Matt’s sky blue eyes, and he kissed her again, harder this time. “I know,” he rasped out before he ground his hips against hers.
Desperate to think of anything else, Willa nipped his bottom lip and kissed down his neck until that sexy growl she’d fallen in love with rattled deep in his chest. He pressed his long erection against her and grabbed her ass hard. Spinning her in the water, he pulled her back against him and slid his hand around her front into her bikini bottom. When he slid his finger inside of her, she groaned and arched back against him.
“You know how fucking hard it was for me not to bite you when you begged for it the other day,” he growled against her neck. His teeth grazed her skin as he plunged his finger into her again.
Her breath came out in needy pants as she fumbled with the ties at her hips. The bikini slipped from her, and she threw it up onto the bank.
“I wanted to sink my teeth into your neck and force you to stay here with me. I wanted to give you a bear and tether you to the Gray Backs forever.” He sank lower in the water, pulled his finger from her, angled her hips back, then slid his hard shaft into her from behind until she gasped.
Reaching back, she gripped the back of his head as he trailed kisses up her neck. “Please,” she begged as he thrust into her again.