Grace for Drowning(83)

Joy took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I know, I know. He's an asshole."

"Charlie says he still cares about me," I said, when I could talk again. "In fact, he said he cares too much, that's why he ran off."

"Well, maybe he's right. It's been six weeks and, like I said, Logan looked absolutely awful. I'm not sure I've ever seen a more miserable human being in my life. Whatever reason he had for doing this, he hates himself for it, Grace."

I didn't want that to be the case. Denying it made the situation so much simpler; anger without complications. But, deep down, I couldn't believe it. We'd shared too much for him to walk away from this this unscathed. "Maybe he does, but at this point, does it even make a difference?"

"That's up to you, I think." She licked her lips. "Do you still love him?"

God, how did I even begin answering that? "That's a complicated question."

She nodded. "I guess that's to be expected."

"I want to hate him for what he's done, but love isn't a switch. I can't just stop caring about him. He helped me through so much. He helped me at a time when I was sure I was beyond help." I squeezed my eyes closed to stop a second round of tears bursting forth. "So what the hell do I do? How do I weigh those things against one another?"

"I don't know, but I don't think you'll get your answers unless you talk to him."

"I don't know what's left to say. What words are there for this? 'I'm sorry?'" I let out a bitter laugh. "The damage is done. I'm not sure we can repair this, no matter what we do."

"Maybe not, but if there's any chance, you need to try. When he first left, I hated him for it. I didn't think I could ever forgive him. But I've seen how this has affected you both. I'm not sure either of you can survive alone. As weird as it sounds, he needs you to get through this, and obviously you need him. Without each other..." She trailed off, but it didn't matter. I understood.

"I'll think about it," I said.

She left me with my thoughts a little while later.

The situation was impossible. We couldn't be together, yet we wouldn't survive apart. I'd thought about tracking him down, of course, but I just didn't know what it would achieve. Even if I could find it in myself to forgive him, he didn't want to see me. He'd made his choice. And beyond that, how could I possibly trust him after this? How could I commit to a man who could cause me such pain?

On the other hand, I desperately wanted to understand why all of this had happened. I wanted to hear it from his mouth. It would hurt, but maybe that was reason enough.





Two Months Later





Chapter Twenty Six





Grace





The car pulled up in the drive.

"Are you sure about this?" Joy asked for the tenth time.

We were outside Charlie's cabin. I'd convinced Joy to drive me up here when I was finally well enough to make the trip. My body still ached, and I was walking with crutches, but according to the doctors, given what had happened to me, it was better progress than I had any right to expect. They said I'd eventually make a complete recovery. I'd been discharged a week ago into the care of my parents, who, true to their word, had stayed in town throughout the whole ordeal. It didn't quite make up for exiling me, but it was a start.

"It was your idea!" I replied.

"I know. I just...I'm nervous for you, I guess."

"Well that makes two of us." I let out a long breath. "You were right though. I need to do this."

She grimaced, but then nodded slowly. "Do you have a plan?"

"I don't think there is a plan for what's going to happen in there."

"You're probably right." She looked like she was searching for another reason to keep me in the car but, after a few seconds, she said, "Well, good luck. And remember — I'll be here if you need me."

I managed a tiny smile. "I know. Thanks."

The cabin was in a lovely area — lush woodland, birdsong on the air, a small lake in the distance, gleaming in the sunlight. It was a refreshing change from the barren beauty of the Vegas landscape. If the circumstances had been different, the idea of spending an afternoon there with Logan would have been wonderful, but as it was, all I could focus on was the churning in my stomach. I couldn't believe I was actually going to see him. It had been three months since the accident, and I'd spent a good amount of that time trying to talk myself out of coming at all. It was going to hurt, and it probably wouldn't achieve anything, but I couldn't let it end this way. I needed closure, one way or another.

I hesitated at the door, my hand poised on the knob. Last chance, Grace. I closed my eyes, letting all of the happy memories from our time together play through my head. Focus on the good, Logan had once told me. I prayed that would get me through this.