She nodded. "That makes sense."
"Anyway, I'm sorry I freaked out," I said.
"It's okay. I should have pushed harder for us to leave at the restaurant. I knew it was more than you were letting on."
I shrugged. "I wanted to give you a proper date."
"Why do you think I care about that?"
"Because that's what you're used to. You always talk about the restaurants you used to visit, how you love always have something new to do. I could see how excited you got when I asked you to pick a place to eat. I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for my sake."
"Well I don't want you putting yourself at risk for mine. Look, I appreciate the effort, but you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not. I want to be with you because I like your company. Because you make me feel good. I don't care what we do with that time. A night on the sofa with you is better than an infinity of nights out on the town."
I couldn't help it; I found myself smiling. Normally an attack like that leaves me on my ass for hours, but those few words, that simple acceptance, swept all the self-loathing from my mind.
"A night on the sofa I can definitely do."
Nothing moved in the space in front of us. If you stared long enough, you could almost convince yourself the whole world stood absolutely still. A sense of peace began to descend on me, and it wasn't just the peace of seclusion and silence, it was something deeper. Something that seemed to seep through me all the way to my bones. That constant undercurrent of tension that underlined everything I did felt more muted than it had in years.
"Will you sit here with me for a while?" I asked.
"As long as you want."
Chapter Fifteen
Logan
A night on the sofa with Grace was easier said than done. Between our rotating schedules and my training, simultaneous nights free were few and far between. We squeezed in time together where we could. We had the gym, but there was only so much goofing around Tony would tolerate before he got that look on his face, the one that said "you don't pay me enough for this shit." If it was any other time, I'd have just said "fuck it," but I had another fight coming up and I needed to be ready.
Thankfully, there was still one place we could reliably be together; cleanup time at Charlie's. We weren't always alone, but with everything between us out in the open, there was nothing stopping us from being that sickening new couple that's all over one another, much to Joy's chagrin.
"Seriously, I will pay for a hotel room right now," she said. "I'm not even joking. It's my gift to you."
Grace pulled her mouth away from mine. "But there's a perfectly good pool table right here." She seemed to take great pleasure in torturing her friend.
Joy made a retching sound and dramatically thrust a finger down her throat, though she grinned as she did it. It was obvious that despite the song and dance, she approved of our relationship. I'd never made much effort to get to know her — more to do with my general approach of keeping everyone at a distance than anything personal — but the last few nights had taught me she really was a lot of fun. More importantly, she was good for Grace. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't be everything for her. She needed friends, people to look out for her when I couldn't, people to bitch to when my shit got out of control, and I got the sense Joy was one of those.
That impression was only confirmed when she pulled me aside a few minutes later while Grace was out back.
"I need a word, mister." She wore a look of mock severity, but something in her voice told me that this really was important.
"What's up?"
She glanced over her shoulder. "This is the part where I go all pseudo big sister on your ass."
I couldn't help but smile. "Is that so?"
"It is." And then more seriously. "You better not just be messing around here, Logan. Grace may not have been here long enough to remember Sheryl, but I sure as hell do."
I grimaced. Sheryl had been a bartender here about a year ago. We'd had a fling during my "fuck anything that moves" phase. I'm not proud of it but, at the time, I was in a really dark place and just snatching whatever moments of light I could. I never intended it to be serious, but apparently I wasn't clear about that and it blew up in my face. After a screaming match one busy Friday night, she quit, and nobody ever heard from her again.
"This isn't like that."
"I hope not. Grace has been through a lot. She cares about you, and if you screw her over, it's going to crush her."
She was absolutely right. "I don't do that anymore. This thing is the real deal. I'd cut off my own arm before I hurt her."