I half expected that to be the end of everything. How was she supposed to feel safe around me now, knowing I might jump her again at any moment? But at about ten the next morning, as I was letting out some of my self-loathing via my fists, she marched in through the gym doors.
My heart leapt. "Hey," I said cautiously.
"Hey." She hadn't even looked at me for the whole rest of last night, and most of that coldness still remained.
She stared for a couple of seconds, seemingly on the edge of speaking, then nodded toward the cardio machines. "I'm going to get started. Treadmill, then a few rounds on the bags?"
So, that was how it was going to be. No more small talk. Just down to business. That stung more than it had a right to, but it was a hell of a lot better than nothing. "Sounds good. I'll be here if you need me."
She gave the barest hint of a nod, then walked off.
I returned to my training, but my mind was elsewhere. The fact that she hadn't just thrown in the towel was a huge relief. I'm not sure I could have handled it if she relapsed because of me. Maybe there was actually a chance that we could rebuild what we'd had but, for that to happen, I had to reign myself in. I wanted to believe I could do that, but it was becoming increasingly clear how little control I had where Grace was concerned. It didn't make any sense. Sure, she was sexy as hell, but I'd had sexy before. Could have it again too, if I wanted to deal with all the shit that followed. That wasn't enough of a reason for me to feel this powerless.
I needed a plan before I ruined things once and for all.
Chapter Twelve
Grace
"So, something happened between Logan and I the other night."
It was a few days after my encounter with Logan, and Joy and I were sorting stock in the back room. I hadn't really been planning on telling her, but the words just kind of came out. Despite my best efforts, that night was still messing with my head pretty badly. I hadn't done anything drastic — I still went to the gym and clung to my routine — but things with Logan were awkward, at best. I didn't know how to be around him anymore, my mind flitting between anger and confusion like a hormonal teenager.
Joy spun toward me, eyes full-moon wide. "What? When? Where? Details. Me. Now."
"It was a few nights back, out in the alley," I replied. "I was having kind of a rough night and I ducked out to get some air. He followed."
Her smile grew more eager. "And then?"
And then we shared one of the most intimate moments I can remember that involved only words. And then we bared our souls to one another. "And then...it got complicated."
"Did he kiss you?"
"No." She looked a little disappointed by that. "I think he came close though."
"You think?"
I shrugged uncomfortably, suddenly unable to find the words to express the depth of the situation. "I don't know. Maybe I was just imaging things. Forget I said anything."
But Joy wasn't going to let me off the hook that easily. "Uh uh. There's no going back now. You need to let your poor neglected friends who aren't getting any live vicariously through you. It's part of your sisterhood agreement."
"I didn't realize we had an agreement," I said, feeling a smile tug at the edges of my mouth.
"We broke ice-cream together," Joy replied solemnly. "It is an ancient ritual. We're sealed to one another now."
I laughed. "If I remember correctly, that involved you shoving most of it down your throat before I could get a second scoop."
"Still counts! Anyway, enough dancing around the subject, Missy. Give up the goods!"
I sighed. "It was just one of those moments, you know? Where you're both just staring at one another and everything else fades away. He had his hand on my face, and this look in his eyes..." I trailed off.
"Okay, stop, you're giving me shivers now."
Reliving the moment was doing the same to me, although I didn't want to say that.
"So then what happened? Did you stop him?"
I licked my lips. "No, he kind of stopped himself."
"Seriously?"
"Yep. Then he tried to act like nothing happened. It's so goddamn confusing."
"Well, it sounds like you're pretty sure it wasn't just nothing, right?"
I nodded slowly. Any doubts I'd had disappeared when it became clear that he felt as awkward as I did. You don't behave that way over nothing.
"Okay, well first, five points for Joy, because I totally called it. He wants to jump your bones."
I laughed. "Noted."
Her voice softened a little. "And second, that might mean it's time to start asking yourself the tough questions."
I felt a lump building in my throat. "Like what?"