Good Omens(44)

Now Adam slouched alone along the dusty lane. It was a good slouch. Adam had a way of slouching along that offended all right.. thinking people. It wasn't that he just allowed his body to droop. He could slouch with inflections, and now the set of his shoulders reflected the hurt and bewilderment of those unjustly thwarted in their selfless desire to help their fellow men.

Dust hung heavy on the bushes.

“Serve everyone right if the witches took over the whole country and made everyone eat health food and not go to church and dance around with no clothes on,” he said, kicking a stone. He had to admit that, except perhaps for the health food, the prospect wasn't too worrying.

“I bet if they'd jus' let us get started properly we could of found hundreds of witches,” he told himself, kicking a stone. “I bet ole Torturemada dint have to give up jus' when he was getting started just because some stupid witch got her dress dirty.”

Dog slouched along dutifully behind his Master. This wasn't, insofar as the hell.. hound had any expectations, what he had imagined life would be like in the last days before Armageddon, but despite himself he was beginning to enjoy it.

He heard his Master say: “Bet even the Victorians didn't force people to have to watch black and white television.”

Form shapes nature. There are certain ways of behavior appropriate to small scruffy dogs which are in fact welded into the genes. You can't just become small.. dog.. shaped and hope to stay the same person; a certain intrinsic small.. dogness begins to permeate your very Being.

He'd already chased a rat. It had been the most enjoyable experience of his life.

“Serve 'em right if we're all overcome by Evil Forces,” his Master grumbled.

And then there were cats, thought Dog. He'd surprised the huge ginger cat from next door and had attempted to reduce it to cowering jelly by means of the usual glowing stare and deep.. throated growl, which had always worked on the damned in the past. This time they earned him a whack on the nose that had made his eyes water. Cats, Dog considered, were clearly a lot tougher than lost souls. He was looking forward to a further cat experiment, which he'd planned would consist of jumping around and yapping excitedly at it. It was a long shot, but it might just work.

“They just better not come running to me when ole Picky is turned into a frog, that's all,” muttered Adam.

It was at this point that two facts dawned on him. One was that his disconsolate footsteps had led him past Jasmine Cottage. The other was that someone was crying.

Adam was a soft touch for tears. He hesitated a moment, and then cautiously peered over the hedge.

To Anathema, sitting in a deck chair and halfway through a packet of Kleenex, it looked like the rise of a small, dishevelled sun.

Adam doubted that she was a witch. Adam had a very clear mental picture of a witch. The Youngs restricted themselves to the only possible choice amongst the better class of Sunday newspaper, and so a hundred years of enlightened occultism had passed Adam by. She didn't have a hooked nose or warts, and she was young ... well, quite young. That was good enough for him.

“Hallo,” he said, unslouching.

She blew her nose and stared at him.

What was looking over the hedge should be described at this point. What Anathema saw was, she said later, something like a prepubescent Greek god. Or maybe a Biblical illustration, one which showed muscular angels doing some righteous smiting. It was a face that didn't belong in the twentieth century. It was thatched with golden curls which glowed. Michelangelo should have sculpted it.

He probably would not have included the battered sneakers, frayed jeans, or grubby T.. shirt, though.

“Who're you?” she said.

“I'm Adam Young,” said Adam. “I live just down the lane.”

“Oh. Yes. I've heard of you,” said Anathema, dabbing at her eyes. Adam preened.

“Mrs. Henderson said I was to be sure to keep an eye out for you,” she went on.

“I'm well known around here,” said Adam.

“She said you were born to hang,” said Anathema.

Adam grinned. Notoriety wasn't as good as fame, but was heaps better than obscurity.

“She said you were the worst of the lot of Them,” said Anathema, looking a little more cheerful. Adam nodded.

“She said, 'You watch out for Them, Miss, they're nothing but a pack of ringleaders. That young Adam's full of the Old Adam,' ” she said.

“What've you been cryin' for?” said Adam bluntly.

“Oh? Oh, I've just lost something,” said Anathema. “A book.”

“I'll help you look for it, if you like,” said Adam gallantly. “I know quite a lot about books, actually. I wrote a book once. It was a triffic book. It was nearly eight pages long. It was about this pirate who was a famous detective. And I drew the pictures.” And then, in a flash of largess, he added, “If you like I'll let you read it. I bet it was a lot more excitin' than any book you've lost. 'Specially the bit in the spaceship where the dinosaur comes out and fights with the cowboys. I bet it'd cheer you up, my book. It cheered up Brian no end. He said he'd never been so cheered up.”