Good Girl Gone Plaid(44)

So instead of the sappy love-filled words he’d wanted to say, he’d kept it crude. Had said he wanted to fuck her again, half-expecting her to push him away. To climb out of bed and tell him to go to hell.

But she hadn’t. There’d been a flash of shock in her eyes, and maybe something deeper. Hurt? No, that would mean she gave two shits about him.

So he’d nudged her thighs apart and sank into her, never hearing her protest, and finding her wet and ready for him. Her body eager to accept him, even as he could see her mind was probably trying to talk her out of it.

And he’d hated himself at that moment. So much he’d just lost himself in her body. With her nails leaving tracks on his back, he’d completely lost his mind. He’d taken her until the only thing he could think of was claiming her completely again. Until she’d cried out his name and he’d emptied himself into her.

She’d had every right to freak out. While he hadn’t lied about being STD-free, getting pregnant was obviously on her Do Not Do list. She was probably overwhelmed with Emily alone.

Hell, it wasn’t like he wanted a kid either, did he?

Christ. He’d fucked up, but good.

The door to his office burst open and he lifted his head, ready with another snarl of rage.

It died on his tongue when he spotted Kenzie in the doorway, eyes blazing.

“You’re not answering my calls. Sarah’s not answering my calls.” She slammed the door. “You’d better start talking, and now. What happened last night?”

Crap. His sister couldn’t help but shove her nose in everyone else’s business. Especially his and Sarah’s. Though it shouldn’t surprise him. She’d always been protective of him—more so in the last few years, and Sarah would always be her close friend.

It was only a given that Kenzie would try and get in the middle of his and Sarah’s clusterfuck and try and fix things. But some things weren’t fixable.

With his irritation completely erased at Kenzie’s presence, wariness took its place.

“Look, Kenzie, I mean this in the most loving way, but stay out of my damn business. I’d rather not have to say it again.”

“Oh, Ian…I told you not to hurt her.” Disappointment flickered in his sister’s eyes as she sat on the edge of the desk.

And he had. But then she’d done a damn good job at hurting him right back, hadn’t she?

“Whatever you did wrong, can you fix it?” she asked hopefully.

“I don’t think so, kid. Not this time.”

This morning had been eerily similar to that morning eleven years ago. Only without the bit where he’d been caught cheating.

Just running that thought through his head made him a little nauseous with self-disgust. How was it he still couldn’t remember that night, and yet feel such shame?

Kenzie shook her head. “I don’t get you two. You’re clearly meant to be together—”

“No. Don’t make this all romantic, Kenzie. If there’s anything between us, it’s good old-fashioned lust. Pure and simple.”

His sister stared at him. “Why don’t you think you’re good enough for her?”

“Because I’m not.” Christ. In a moment Kenzie had cut to the heart of the matter. To confront the reality he couldn’t face.

“You are.” Her words were soft, but strong. “Why do you think you’re not? Because you’re a felon?”

He didn’t answer. Because again, she’d nailed a part of it.

“We both know that’s bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit, it’s my reality.”

Pain flashed in Kenzie’s eyes. “If I could go back to that night—”

“I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“I would,” she said huskily. “You can’t let that label define you. You’re an amazing man.”

Not even close. An amazing asshole, perhaps.

“Does Sarah know about…?”

“Yes.”

“Did you tell her why?”

“It doesn’t matter. Once Sarah leaves this island, she’s gone from my life again.” He didn’t bother to soften his words. “And honestly it’s better that way.”

“Oh, bullshit.” Kenzie slapped his desk and got right in his face. “Ian, you can’t bury your head in your job and spend your days fixing cars all the time. That’s no kind of life.” She jammed her finger into his chest. “And you need to stop sleeping with various bimbos in hopes they’ll erase Sarah from your mind. No one is ever going to replace her.”

Unfortunately he’d already come to that painful realization himself. Since she’d returned to the island, Sarah was all he’d thought about. All he’d ever wanted, and everything he would never have.