“Is it wrong that I care for him so much?” I ask her.
“You’ve asked me that before.” She places her glasses onto the table and reaches for her cup of coffee. “I think it’s reasonable to idolize him. I think it’s natural that you developed feelings for him. The question is, why do you think it’s so wrong?”
“I started having feelings for him before I was capable of leaving on my own.”
She nods her head. “And after?”
“After what?” I ask.
“After you left him? The feelings are still there, yes?”
“Yes.” My hand flies to my heart as an ache radiates through my chest. Every moment I remember I left him, it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. I know I hurt him. He saved me, and I fucking killed him by leaving him.
“What would you do if you could see him right now?”
Fuck him. I would hold him, I would kiss him, I would beg him to fuck me. I purse my lips and the good doctor smirks at me. Am I that obvious?
“Do you still think he deserves better?” she asks. I don’t know the answer. I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely whole again. I may forever be haunted. And he deserves better than that. He’s a good man.
She leans forward and looks me in the eyes. “Or maybe a better question to ask is, do you think you deserve happiness?”
Kane
“How’s she doing?” I hear Anthony ask. I turn on my barstool to look at him. He’s a lean fucker compared to me, not real bulky, but I’ve learned over the past few weeks that he’s not someone you wanna fuck with. If you’re doing shit you aren’t supposed to be doing, having Anthony knocking on your door at night is a bad fucking omen.
But I like him. When he’s not working, he’s sitting down and having a beer. He’s pretty chill. Everyone’s still on edge about Tommy though. As I think his name, he walks through the doors of the bar with Vince. We watch as they come up to our right and sit on Anthony’s side.
The bar goes quiet as they take a seat. Everyone’s waiting for something to happen with this case. But it’s gonna take time. There’s only so much postponing and bribing will get him.
“She’s alright.” I answer Anthony as Tommy orders a beer. It’s on the bar before he even finishes, along with Vince’s Jack.
“Ava?” Vince calls out, from the far end of our row. It’s a curved bar so I’ve got a good view of him.
“Yeah.” I don’t volunteer more info. I don’t want to talk about it. I watch my phone every time there’s an alert that she’s home. I know her appointments and work schedules, too. I feel like a fucking creep at this point. In the beginning I was worried about her. We all were. But the better she is, the less she seems to be thinking about me.
I keep waiting to hear her call out for me. I prayed that I’d have a reason to help her. But for over a week, it’s been nothing.
“I don’t like that manager fucker either. He likes to get around,” Vince says from across the bar. They think it’s funny. I lost my shit the other night and they keep holding it over my head.
I grit my teeth. If that bastard makes another pass at Ava, I’m gonna knock his fucking teeth out. She’s such a good girl though, she doesn’t even realize it.
The guys laugh when they see my reaction. But there’s no humor in it for me. I think it’s time I came to grips with reality.
She doesn’t want me. Why would she?
“I never should’ve touched her,” I bite out, and grab the neck of my beer. I take a swig and then another.
“I don’t think it’s like that, Kane,” Vince says. Tommy and Anthony nod their heads.
“I should’ve waited.” I put the bottle down feeling like a fucking failure. Like an asshole. She wasn’t okay, and I was so wrapped up in her that I didn’t even see it. I took advantage of her. I don’t deserve her.
That’s why I’m giving her the space she needs. She genuinely needs me to be gone to get through this. Fuck. It fucking kills me that seeing my face, feeling my hands on her, or hearing my voice would remind her of that hell. I took her pain away, or at least I thought I did. I wonder if I just made it worse. I fell for her too soon. I loved her when she couldn’t possibly love me. Not in a healthy way at least.
Every time I start to think she’s mine and I need to go get her, I have to remind myself that it’s too much like what they did to her. I need to wait until she’s better. And then she’ll come back to me. We’ll work through this together. I’m not giving up though. I know she felt something for me. I just have to wait until it’s the right time. I need some sort of sign.