When I get home I hear a new voice coming from another room, which strikes me as odd because there weren’t any new vehicles in the driveway. I head down the narrow hallway of our raised ranch and see my grandmother in my parents’ bedroom with my mom.
“Hillary! There you are!” She squawks with arms raised up high to hug me.
“Hi Grammy,” I say, with a fake smile spread across my face.
I hug her gently.
“Where have you been?”
“Oh, just out running errands and stuff with my friend Lily. We were getting things ready for a bonfire tonight with friends.”
“A bonfire? Well, that sounds like fun.”
“Yeah it should be. It’s all weekend. Tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday night.”
“Hillary.” My mom interjects. Her tone of voice stings as if she just slapped me. “Don’t forget your brother’s graduation tomorrow. We are leaving here at 10:00 a.m. sharp and you are going, no matter what.”
Why wouldn’t I go? Just because I don’t have a close relationship with my brother doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go to his college graduation. I’m not an asshole, but I guess she thinks I am.
I grate my teeth and breathe in deeply before I respond, trying to calm myself. “Yes, mother, I know.”
I turn and walk towards my room, leaving my grandmother and mom behind, close the door and drop face down on my bed.
I need a nap!
“Why can’t you be more like your brother?”
June 1, 2001
JAY’S HOUSE IS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. I’m not kidding, his driveway is a mile long track of dirt and rocks straight into nothingness. His dad, Matt, is at the top of the driveway taking keys, ever the responsible dad, making sure we don’t try to drive home hammered out of our senses. I get out of my car and approach him with a big smile, I love Jay’s parents.
“Hillary, dear, lovely to see you! You drinking tonight?”
“Yes, sir.” I hand my keys over and he drops them into a glass mason jar. “Is Shelly inside? I want to say ‘hi’, before I head down to the party.”
“Yup, she’s in the living room with the dogs watching TV.”
“Thanks.” I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and head in to the house.
“Helllloooooooo…?” I bellow as I open the front door.
“Hi, sweetie. Get over here and give me a hug,”
I’ve known Jay and his family forever. Jay and I went to elementary school together, and it’s always been a relief to come here where there’s a loving mother-figure happy to see me. Every little moment of banter like this with Shelly is a balm to the wounds my mom has worked to keep fresh my whole life. Shelly is a truly sweet woman, and even after a long day delivering mail where the exhaustion is apparent all over her face, she still has a whole-face smile for me. We chat for a few minutes, catching up, but I don’t stay long as much as part of me wants to curl up on the couch with her, have some girl time with a glass of wine, the dogs and her favorite: TLC.
I tear myself away, grab my drinks, and head down to the party in the back yard. As I round the corner from the house, I see the big orange flames of fire coming from the burning pallets in the fire pit. Jay built it last summer under my careful supervision. Loud Limp Bizkit’s “Rollin” lyrics pour from Jay’s truck, and it brings a smile to my face because it’s from the CD I bought him a few weeks ago for his birthday. Always nice to know that you really ‘get’ your friends.
Jay is a good friend. He’s not like most twenty-one-year-old guys. Well, don’t get me wrong. He is by the fact he likes to party and is always horny, but he has an emotional side he isn’t afraid to show. Most guys his age never let that sideshow. I appreciate that in him, and always have.
I search for familiar faces. The closer I get to the fire I see two white resin chairs individually marked “Lily” and “Hillary.” I snicker, knowing if anyone other than us sits there, their asses will be tossed.
“Hillary! Over here!” I see Tess and her boyfriend Brody waving me over. They are curled up on a blanket as cute as can be.
A pang of jealousy clenches my gut. No, don’t think like that, I chastise myself. I can’t understand why I’m always attacked by a wave of envy every time I see the two of them together, happy as can be.
“Hi,” I say, as I kneel down on the blanket with them giving hugs.
“Nice fire, huh?” Tess says.
“It is, and the rain has held out so far.” I mention, remembering how I had watched the forecast with my dad while eating dinner before I came here, and the weather man had said there would be a passing overnight shower.