“I’m a heavy sleeper. I don’t hear shit.”
“Well I can’t fall back asleep now. I have to pee. I’ll be right back,” I tell him.
I don’t know why but I found myself tip toeing to the door. I slowly turn the doorknob not knowing what to expect on the other side. The bathroom is directly across the hall from Jameson’s bedroom, so I should be able to get there without any interaction with Marcie. I don’t know what kind of mood she’s in since last night’s conversation about shoes, and now she’s vacuuming at the butt-crack of dawn. I open the door and take five large leaps darting across the hall in to the bathroom, flipping the light switch on and quietly but quickly closing the door behind me. Unscathed. Phew. Now I sit on the toilet and pray she can’t hear me peeing, but I’m pretty sure I’m screwed once I flush the toilet. Once I’m done, I flush, wash my hands, take a look at my smudged eye makeup, and think if me and Jameson are going to keep cuddling I should brush my teeth really quickly. You never know what it could lead to…
Standing at the door, my hand on the knob, I look up at the ceiling as if I’m sending a look to God to be on my side and don’t let me get caught in the web of Marcie on my way out. I slowly turn the knob and pull it open. I take a deep breath and dart back across the hall, pushing the half open door all the way open and stop dead in my tracks. Marcie is in Jameson’s bedroom sitting on the bed talking to him.
What the fuck?
“Oh. Hi.” I stutter not knowing what to say because I can’t understand why the fuck she needs to be in here this early talking to him.
“Good morning, Hillary,” Marcie says, with a straight face.
“Okay, mom. It’s early. Hillary and I want to sleep more.”
“Alright. Good enough. Door open or closed?”
“Closed!” We both shout in unison.
We cuddle for about an hour but my growling stomach and Jameson’s bladder wouldn’t allow much more. We decide to get up and go have some breakfast. As I round the corner out of Jameson’s room I see Marcie sitting at the dining room table reading the newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. She looks up at me through her glasses. I smile and walk passed her in to the tiny kitchen. Knowing she’s been cleaning I choose to grab something small and simple to not make a huge mess. I grab a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and a glass of orange juice. As soon as I sit down Jameson comes out of the bathroom. What took him so long? Good Lord he can pee for a long time first thing in the morning. He sits down at the table with me, hands me a section of the newspaper and takes the comics for himself. We sat there in silence for a good ten minutes before Marcie got up and announced that she was going to clean the bathroom.
Less than a minute later Marcie comes stomping towards us at the table.
“Hillary, did you brush your teeth this morning?”
“Yes.”
“Did you use this toothpaste?”
“Yes.”
“And you squeezed it from the middle of the tube?”
“I wasn’t really paying attention.” I’m dumbfounded as to what the problem is.
“You can’t do that. You did it wrong. You have to squeeze it from the bottom,” she tells me.
“Ummm, okay…? I wasn’t aware there was a right and wrong way of dispensing toothpaste on a toothbrush.”
“Well, there is.” She stomps back to the bathroom.
I just turn my head to Jameson with my eyes wide open giving him that what the fuck look. He drops his head and just shakes it back and forth as if he doesn’t even know what to say to me.
“What the fuck was that all about?” I ask him.
“I’m sorry. My mom is just a little OCD about some things. I’ll talk to her.”
“No, you don’t have to talk to her. Just give me a heads up about her antics so I don’t piss her off.”
“Okay.”
“Look, I’m going to finish my cereal then I’m going to take off. Clearly your mom is still a little pissed about whatever was going down last night. It seems like she’s still that way considering she just went off on me about fucking toothpaste. I’m going to take my grandma grocery shopping and obviously tell her about the engagement. She likes you. She’s going to be thrilled.”
“Do you really have to go now?”
“Your mom seems like she’s on a rampage and this apartment isn’t big enough to hide. You can always come with me.”
“As much as I’d love to I should probably stay here and find out what her deal is. Plus vacation is over and I have to go back in to work tonight so I’ll probably just chill out.”