“Hah! Alright Charming Charlie, let’s get this over with.”
The rest of the night wasn’t that bad. Everyone seemed to like Jameson and he held his own really well. He was right, he was a real charmer. What made me smile were the conversations I saw him have with my dad. Jameson can chat it up with what appears to be anyone really, my dad not so much. My dad is more of an observer at first, then he’ll slowly start to talk with you. I overheard my dad asking Jameson where he grew up and that rolled on to topics of fishing, fast cars and dog tracks. My dad has spent many years driving and knows of a lot of places, so he knows exactly where Jameson is talking about. Their first conversation runs smoothly.
When I saw my mother pull him in to a conversation, I went on high alert. I refused to leave him alone with her because her questions don’t have anything to do with her being a protective mother. Her questions have to do with being intrusive, judgmental and to see if anything he says can benefit her in any way. But he played along well with all of her questions as if he knew what to expect. I’m sure most guys are used to the interrogation process from parents. He did well.
“You’re gonna take me in your mouth whether you like it or not.”
December 31, 2001
JAMESON SAID HE WOULD BE PATIENT and understanding with me as long as I promised not to run. Does booking a hotel room for New Year’s sound patient? I guess that all depends on who you ask. For some people patient might be a week. For some it might be a month. Either way I’m not ready. I’m actually scared to death of having sex with Jameson. I have so many doubts in my head, from years of mental abuse from my family. Even worse, physical abuse from my first love Robert. At least I had thought it was love, but I was wrong.
Not one soul new about him or what had transpired during our relationship. I was too scared and too ashamed to talk about it. It was a teenage summer romance at camp. A young girl with low self-esteem and a good-looking guy giving her the attention she craves. To keep him happy she did whatever he wanted, including sex.
I remember the first time he wanted a blow job. We were in a little rental cabin that was vacant at the campground. I’d never done it before, so I was really nervous. I wanted him to like it. I wanted to be good at it. I was hesitant at first. He was impatient. He pushed me down on to my knees, and unzipped his pants. Then grabbed the back of my head and pushed my face down on to him and held it there. With both of his hands on either side of my head he bobbed my head up and down, not once allowing me to come up for air with my mouth so I had to control my emotions and attempt to control my breathing through my nose.
I could feel him begin to throb in my mouth. He was moaning and grunting hard while pushing it further and further to the back of my mouth. All of a sudden I felt his hot ejaculation hit the back of my throat. I didn’t like the taste. I wanted to spit it out but he continued to hold me down. “Taste me baby! Swallow me baby!” He kept repeating till every last drop released in to my mouth. When he was finally done, he released his hands from my head. I looked up at him with his cum dripping out of the side of my mouth, tears prickling my eyes … and then it happened.
He slapped me across the face and said, “Don’t ever resist me!” That was just the first of many.
My eyes widen with this memory. I’m not ready. It’s that simple. I have to cancel New Year’s plans with Jameson. What if he turns out to be just like Robert? He got us a hotel room, he expects sex. What if he’s not like Robert though? What if his touch is soft, sensual, and caring? The kind of touch that gives you goosebumps all over. The kind of touch that makes you feel the heat rise in your body from your toes to your lips. The kind of touch that sends an erotic shock to your tingling lady parts.
But what if he just wants a blow job like Mike did the day of my birthday at Dawn’s? “How low can you go?” Ugh! I’ll never forget that stupid fucking line!
My mind is going in a million different directions. I can’t think straight. I promised him I wouldn’t run and he promised he’d be patient. So what the fuck is this night all about? What if I don’t run and just tell him I have a family party? Will he buy that? Fuck! He probably won’t believe me. He knows how I am with my family. I need to make a decision quickly since I know he’s sleeping right now and I’ll get his voicemail and I can just leave a message. Do I cancel and make up a lie about plans or do I go and pray he doesn’t turn out to be abusive like Robert?
I grapple for my phone and dial his number.
Hi. This is Jameson. I can’t get to my phone. Leave a message.