I took another tart, fiery swallow of vodka to give me the fuel to finish the story. “It took years to get pregnant again. I was thirty-two when I had Sarah and it was a difficult birth. After that, Joe and I considered adoption, but we were both busy with our jobs, and I had my ‘kids’ in my classes to take care of. I guess you can see now why I spoil Sarah. I’ve always been so afraid of losing her, too.”
Eleanor shook her head. “We all have pain in our lives, Daisy. There’s nothing to be done about the past, but we can fix the present. How old is Sarah now?”
“Twenty-six.” I felt the warm weight of Jasper’s head on my knee.
“Exactly. Time to start dealing with her own bumps in the road. Sarah acts laid-back, but she worries, too, you know. Everybody does. Her nonchalance is her way of trying to show that things don’t bother her. But she’s going to be fine. You can let go a little. And she’ll still love you.”
“Okay,” I sighed.
I knew Eleanor had her own demons. Not only the brutal high school years, but rumors of an engagement that ended when her beau was killed at the very end of the Vietnam War. She deserved her own three-martini session, but I was too far gone to handle it tonight.
I put Jasper’s leash back on and we both said a fond farewell to Eleanor. Me with a hug, and Jasper with a long, wet kiss on the mouth.
Eleanor laughed as she wiped her lips. “You know, dogs live in the moment, Daisy. We can all learn a lesson from that.”
Moonlight illuminated her garden as we walked outside, and now it was revealed in all its magical, romantic glory—the bright white mounds of the impatiens, the gray of the hostas, the silver of the velvety lamb’s ears. As I closed the gate behind me and the dog, I brushed against some heliotrope, and its fragrant vanilla scent was a sweet finale.
Jasper seemed to know the way home and pulled me all the way there. Thank God I had his leash to hold on to, to keep me upright.
I’d always known that Eleanor was the right one to hear my story. Martha would have enfolded me in a huge hug after the first sentence, unable to bear my pain. Eleanor had let me walk through a tunnel of fire and waited patiently for me to come out on the other side.
I was drunk, tired, and my makeup was no doubt a complete mess, but I felt better than I had in a long time.
When I stumbled in the front door of our house, Joe was there in an instant, his arms crossed. “Where the hell have you been, Daisy? I was just about to send out a search party.”
“I stopped at Eleanor’s. We had a drink together and—”
“Are there no phones at Eleanor’s house?”
I opened my mouth and closed it again.
“Next time, please do me the courtesy of calling to let me know. Try to be more considerate in the future.”
And with that stiff declaration, he stalked off upstairs, leaving me standing open-mouthed. Wasn’t I always the considerate one? The one who always worried about everyone else except myself? I would have gone after him to give him a piece of my mind, except the wide flight of stairs wavered in front of me and I thought better of it.
I went into the library, collapsed on the couch, and covered myself with an afghan. Jasper flopped down on the rug by my side.
For the first time in my married life, I didn’t sleep with Joe.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, a pack of elves were standing inside my head, apparently trying to carve my brain into some kind of modern sculpture with a thousand tiny ice picks. I groaned, but didn’t dare turn over. Jasper’s tail banged against the floor, but he didn’t get up either.
I didn’t want to go to the store. I didn’t want to worry about Angus or Sarah or anyone else for that matter. I didn’t want to do a damn thing except lie there and moan.
After about ten minutes of this, I finally hauled myself upright and headed for the bathroom.
Joe was walking out of the steam-filled room in his shorts, all freshly showered and shaved. “Everything okay, Daisy?”
“Yes, fine,” I mumbled.
“I thought I’d go and pick out some new hardwood for the kitchen today. That old wood floor is in such bad shape, it’s not worth refinishing.”
“Okay.” I leaned against the door frame.
“And while I’m at it, I may as well replace the cabinets, too.”
Oh, God. I can’t deal with this right now.
“Fine.”
And that was it. He walked past me and jogged downstairs.
It wasn’t fine, of course. Not by a long shot. I had a sudden urge to take Jasper and just jump in the car and drive. Maybe we’d end up in Maine, in a tiny cottage on a deserted beach somewhere, with only the seagulls for company. I’d throw sticks for him into the water, and we’d walk for miles with no one to bother us.