“So did I,” I say, turning away and walking to my desk.
“Phoebe, I didn’t mean to—”
“I’d like you to leave.” My voice cracks as I add, “Now.”
I stand in front of my desk, afraid to move until he does—afraid that my heart will shatter completely. For a long time there’s just silence, stillness in the air, as I can feel him watching me.
“I’m not Justin,” he whispers.
Then, all of a sudden, it’s like a vacuum sucks all the air out of my room. The next thing I hear is the click of my door closing behind him as he leaves.
I collapse into my desk chair, folding my arms over my laptop and laying my cheek on the smooth, plastic surface. My heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest. The oracle was wrong. Griffin and I aren’t fated for anything more than heartache.
It’s not until I feel the wetness on my arm that I realize I’m crying on my laptop. The last thing I need is to fry my connection to the outside world. I sit up, wipe away my tears, and lift the top on my laptop. I’ve never needed Nola and Cesca more in my life, and if one of them isn’t online, I don’t know what I’ll do.
But when I log in to chat, I see blank little faces next to their screen names.
Right. Cesca’s probably in Paris by now. Nola’s probably at the library doing research for her study. How can they both have so much great stuff going on when my life is a mess?
Yeah, I know that’s totally self-centered. It’s not fair for me to begrudge them good stuff. Especially since we’re best friends.
Not one person on my friends list is online. Not Cesca or Nola, not Nicole, not Troy. Not even the gorgon cheerleader queen—trust me, if I could get Adara off my friends list I would, but the Academy IM system seems to have a twisted sense of humor about this. How can everyone be unavailable when I need them?
While I’m staring at the screen through tear-fogged eyes, a yellow smiley face shows up next to Nola’s screen name.
Thank the gods!
I open up a new chat window.
LostPhoebe: Nola!
GranolaGrrl: hey Phoebes
GranolaGrrl: what’s up?
LostPhoebe: I think Griffin and I just broke up
GranolaGrrl: omigods what happened??
I bite my lip to keep from crying. More.
LostPhoebe: he’s cheating on me
GranolaGrrl: of course he’s not!
LostPhoebe: he is
LostPhoebe: with Adara
GranolaGrrl: his ex? that’s nuts
GranolaGrrl: he’s crazy about you
LostPhoebe: he’s been spending lots of time with her
GranolaGrrl: maybe there’s a reasonable explanation
Nola always sees the good in people. While this is a great trait in a best friend—she always looks past my bad attitude when I’m in a crappy mood—she’s not the most discerning when it comes to character. She blindly believes the best until presented with incontrovertible proof. Sometimes not even then.
LostPhoebe: there’s more
LostPhoebe: he was in her dorm room this afternoon
LostPhoebe: when he told me he was helping his aunt
GranolaGrrl: are you sure?
GranolaGrrl: did you ask him about it?
LostPhoebe: he admitted it
LostPhoebe: he says it’s not what I think
LostPhoebe: but he won’t tell me what it *is*
GranolaGrrl: I’m so sorry sweetie
New tears rush to my eyes. If even Nola is willing to accept that I’m right, then all my niggling doubts are gone. How could I have been so stupid over a guy . . . again?
GranolaGrrl: I know how much he means to you
LostPhoebe: guess it wasn’t mutual
GranolaGrrl: you never know
GranolaGrrl: he might still surprise you
LostPhoebe: doubt it
GranolaGrrl: promise me you’ll give him a chance to explain
LostPhoebe: I did
LostPhoebe: he wouldn’t
GranolaGrrl: give him one more chance
GranolaGrrl: for me
I almost say I won’t. I don’t want to. But for Nola, only for Nola, I will.
LostPhoebe: okay
LostPhoebe: for you
GranolaGrrl: I need to go
GranolaGrrl: you okay?
LostPhoebe: I’ll be fine
GranolaGrrl: I’ll be online again later
GranolaGrrl: love you
LostPhoebe: love you too
LostPhoebe: thanks
I stare at the chat screen until her smiley face disappears.
Instead of feeling better, reassured, I feel a little more empty after chatting with Nola. She didn’t exactly say what I wanted to hear. That’s Nola, though. She always says and does what’s right, not what’s convenient or comforting.
Almost automatically, needing something to keep my mind busy, I click on the icon to check my e-mail. Three new messages. One from Adara—no thank you. I click on the message and am about to drag it to the trash when I see the folder I made when I was mad at Griffin last year. “Liars.” I drop her e-mail in there. Even if she hasn’t lied to me, I bet she would if I gave her the chance.