I squeeze my eyes together for a second, willing—begging—my unshed tears to disappear. They are a weakness I can’t afford.
“Yeah, well,” I say, pushing up to my feet while keeping my back to him, buying myself a few more seconds. “You thought wrong.”
“What’s the matter?” He comes up behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders, trying to turn me around. He has the nerve to sound concerned. “What happened?”
I stiffen against his touch. “Nothing.”
“Are you crying?” When I shake my head, not trusting myself to speak again, he says, “You are crying.”
Despite my best efforts, he half turns me around and half slides around so we’re face-to-face. I close my eyes. I just can’t look at him right now. Not when all I see is him talking to Adara, going into the bookstore with Adara, meeting Adara at her dorm. It’s too much.
“Talk to me,” he demands.
I feel his fingers on my cheeks, wiping my sad excuse for tears away. Which only makes them fall harder.
His forehead touches mine and he whispers, “Please.”
I take several long, deep breaths.
“Where were you this afternoon?” I finally ask.
He hesitates for a split second. “I told you, I—”
My eyes fly open. “Do. Not. Lie to me.”
I step back, needing space to think clearly.
I can see him thinking. Beneath his dark curls, his bright blue eyes don’t budge from mine; he doesn’t blink. Then, after several long seconds, he closes his eyes, sucks in a deep breath, and says, “Aunt Lili and I got back and done with the stocking early. I was visiting a friend in the dorms.”
“Adara.”
He hesitates, then says, “Yes.”
“What?” I’m shocked he admitted the truth.
“Yes.” He looks like he is afraid to say more. “Yes, I was visiting Dara.”
“Why have you been lying to me?” I can hear the icy edge in my voice and I don’t like it. I don’t like how he’s making me feel right now. Jealous. With a neon capital J. “You’ve been spending all your time with her. Like yesterday. At the bookstore.”
He doesn’t show any signs of shock that I didn’t buy his story about looking for a training book.
“You’re right,” he says, and my heart tries to pound out of my chest. “I met Adara at the bookstore yesterday.”
And lied about it.
“But it’s not what you think.”
“Then tell me what it is,” I demand.
Gods, I hate how I sound like such a jealous girlfriend, but it’s not like he’s not giving me a reason to distrust. I close my eyes and suddenly I’m reliving the last time I felt like this. Junior prom. More than a year ago now, but I remember like it was yesterday.
I had known something was wrong when Justin didn’t show to pick me up. A smarter girl might have taken that as a sign, but I believed in him. Trusted him. Something must have come up. Rather than curl up with a box of tissues and a cup of self-pity, I called Cesca and got a ride with her and her date. When I climbed into the limo and saw the look of pure sympathy in her eyes, that’s when I knew.
By the time we pulled up at the glamorous Sunset Tower Hotel, I was ready for the confrontation. I stormed into the dance, scanned the room until I found Justin at a table in the far corner, and marched right up to him.
“Where were you?” I demanded.
“Let’s not do this here, Phoebe,” Justin had said. “Why don’t we go out to my car and—”
“No,” I shouted, hands fisted on my hips, on the silver satin of the bustier dress that had taken me weeks to find. The perfect dress. “I deserve to know.”
He’d hesitated, deciding whether to lie.
Just like Griffin did tonight.
Only tonight feels infinitely worse. Because I love Griffin infinitely more.
That realization clenches around my heart.
“I—” He jams his fingers through his curls. “Phoebe, I can’t tell you.”
Everything inside me stills.
At least Justin had the decency to confess dumping me for Mitzi Busch because her knees weren’t Super Glued shut like mine. Griffin wasn’t even pretending to admit the truth.
“Then I don’t believe you.” My heart splinters a little with every word.
“I can’t make you believe me,” he says, dropping his hands and taking a step back. “I thought we were past the distrusting stage. I thought you knew me better than this. Better than anyone.”
I can’t look away from his blue eyes, a little less bright thanks to the betrayal I see there. But the truth is, he lied to me. More than once. And now, even though he’s admitted to lying to me, he won’t tell me the whole truth. He’s not the only one who feels betrayed.