Giving In(20)

Heat rushed like fire through her cheeks. God, how humiliating. What kind of freak did it make her that she’d handcuffed a man to her bed? How weak did it make her that she’d actually needed it to feel safe? And weaker still, because in the throes of a nightmare, she’d wrenched his arm free so he could hold her.

Jensen Tucker had held her, had wrapped himself completely around her the entire night, and God help her, she’d loved every minute of it. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so peacefully. That she’d felt absolutely safe. After that first nightmare, when he’d pulled her into his arms, she’d fallen into a deep, dreamless sleep, completely unbothered by the demons that taunted her on a regular basis. Who needed therapy? Apparently all she needed was Jensen Tucker’s strong embrace. Not that she’d ever admit that to him. It would only give him that much more power over her, and she’d vowed never to give anyone that kind of power over her. Never again.

She busied herself making the coffee, her thoughts chaotic and unbalanced. He made her that way. What the hell did he want from her? He’d all but staked his claim. Some of the things he’d said she was still grappling with. Had no idea of their meaning. Or perhaps she knew only too well and was too chickenshit to deal with them with her big girl pants on.

But why did he seem to want her? Why would he even care? She was one hot mess. A head case. And worse, he knew it. Calmly accepted it like it was the most normal thing in the world. He’d inserted himself as her . . . protector? He certainly seemed to accept the role. Even embraced it. He’d made no bones about the fact that they were, what had he said? Inevitable?

He was as crazy as she was apparently. Two hot-mess head cases? Surely a recipe for disaster. He was strong. She was weak. Not the ingredients for a successful relationship for sure. And he was a control freak. She knew that much about him. His world was meticulously well-ordered. No chaos. No messes. He was every bit as dominant as Tate and Dash were, no matter that he said he was nothing like them. He hadn’t seemed to like the comparison, but then she could understand why. He was definitely a law unto himself. There were certainly no two Jensen Tuckers. God help her. One was enough. More than enough.

He came in a few moments later and her gaze flitted to him, taking in his rumpled appearance. The fact that he was still wearing the same clothes from the night before. But even wrinkled and unkempt the man was just damn sexy.

She could admit that to herself now. Hell, she’d spent the night with him. No, they hadn’t had sex, but in many ways, what they’d experienced was far more intimate than sex. He’d simply offered her comfort. What she’d needed the most. She would not be an ungrateful bitch even if that was her instinctual, self-protective reaction. Her reaction to anything that could possibly hurt her.

She could see that about herself. She could see herself as others likely did and what she saw made her cringe. It was a miracle she had any friends left because God knew she hadn’t been a very good friend herself. But she could change that. Starting now. She could bend without breaking. It was time to start returning the unconditional love and support her friends had offered her since Carson died.

She’d been so wrapped up in her own grief and misery that she’d become a selfish bitch. She didn’t like herself very much, and if she didn’t like herself, how could she expect others to like her? Why the hell did Jensen seem to like her? She certainly hadn’t been remotely receptive to any of his overtures. She’d returned every kindness he’d offered her with blatant rudeness. And yet he’d stayed with her last night, offering unconditional, unquestioning support. Why?

Was he a masochist?

He sat down at the bar and she pushed a cup of coffee in his direction. For a moment there was an awkward silence between them but then she gathered her courage and took the bull by the horns.

“Thank you for last night,” she said in a low voice. “It meant . . . a lot. You didn’t have to do it, but I’m grateful you did. That you . . . stayed. Thank you.”

His eyes were warm as he stared at her, his gaze stroking her face as surely as if he’d reached out and touched her with his hand. She almost wished he would. Touch her. Her skin came alive at the mere thought and her thoughts drifted to the night before. Of how wonderful it had felt to be in his arms, surrounded by his strength and the unspoken promise that nothing would hurt her while he was with her.

“You’re welcome, Kylie. I’m glad I was here so you didn’t have to suffer alone as you do many other nights, I’m sure.”