Give Me Grace(26)

I turned, giving Henry a grin. “It’s perfect.”

I flopped down on the bed, scooting over to make room for Henry when he did the same. He tucked his hands behind his head and stared at the ceiling. “It’s good to have you here, Gracie Bean.”

I mimicked his actions. “It’s good to be here.”

He turned his head to look at me, meeting my eyes. “But?” he prompted, sensing my hesitation.

I grimaced. “It’s been a long time since I picked up a guitar.” Henry had always been the musical talent, not me. When mum was sick, he would sit on the floor of his room plucking the strings like it gave him peace. Then his best friend, Evie, came along with her rich voice like melted butter, and the music they created together was more than special, it was fucking incredible. “Back when we were young my fingers could walk the walk, but now I don’t even know if they can talk the talk.”

Tonight I would be standing up in front of thousands, not including the televised audience, and I didn’t want to fail spectacularly and damage Jamieson’s reputation as one of the hottest live Australian acts of the decade.

“You could’ve just hired a professional, Henry. Why me?”

“Because I miss you, Grace.” His eyes skimmed over me sadly, taking in the makeup, tattoos and deep, dark hair that used to be a light golden brown. I knew I looked nothing like I used to, but that was how the industry worked. Changing your look on a regular basis kept you fresh and in demand. “You might be my sister, but I don’t know who you are anymore. I don’t know anything about you. Hell, I didn’t even know you had a dog. It sucks that Frog broke his arm, but what he said was right. If that’s what it took to get you here, then I’d have broken it myself. Well, maybe not, but you get the point. You’re not here just to fill Frog’s place—because as you said, we could’ve hired a professional—you’re here because I want my sister back. Is that okay? I don’t care if you play like a cat on crack. I just care that you’re here.”

I grabbed blindly for his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I miss you too, Henry. This wasn’t how I imagined the two of us would end up, but life just got in the way.”

Henry let go of my hand. Swallowing hard, he averted his face as he sat up. “Fuck that,” he muttered.

“Henry—”

“Don’t.” He got to his feet and walked to the window. After a moment, he spun around and there was anger in his eyes, a hardness that I’d never seen before. “Life doesn’t just get in the way. It plays out based on the choices we make, and you chose to leave us. I’m still so fucking mad at you for that.” I sat up, my heart aching at the pain in his voice. “You know why mum always tolerated your crap when we were little? Because you were so fucking full of life that whenever you got in trouble, the light would literally fade from your eyes and it was like … I don’t know, crushing a butterfly or something. No one could bear to do it. When mum got sick, it was you that held us together. You. You were that shining beacon of light just like she was, and when our family fell apart after losing her you were never there to see it, because somewhere along the way we lost you too.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I never saw that light in your eyes return, Grace, and when I look at you…” tears filled his eyes “…it’s still not there.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the floor. I had no idea the choices I’d made had torn such a huge, gaping hole in our family.

“Say something, Grace,” he whispered hoarsely.

I shook my head, choking on a sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Henry.”

“Why?” he cried out. “Why weren’t you there? Was your modelling career that much more important to you than we were?”

“Of course not.” But it was too late for explanations. Far too late to go back to how we used to be, and the thought made hurt well inside me until I ached from it.

“Then what?”

“Let it go, Henry,” I pleaded. “Please? I’m here now. I’m here and I won’t let you down, okay?”

“Jesus, Grace.” Henry rubbed at his eyes. After a brief moment he walked over to me. Crouching so we were eye level, he rested his hands on my knees. “I didn’t mean to get into this. The past is in the past, it’s just … having you here, I didn’t realise I was still so angry. All the hurt just came flooding back like it never left. You know I love you, right? You’re my little sister. I’ll always love you, no matter what.”