As the bus drove past the local campus, Kylie wondered briefly what her life might have been like if she’d have gone to college. Not that she ever could’ve afforded it. But it was fun to think about what it might be like if she got to pick a major or take a class on human sexuality just for the heck of it. Or art history, or film studies. It sounded kind of exciting to her.
The only frat party she’d even been to had resulted in Trace punching Steven and carrying her out over his shoulder just before she vomited all over the place.
Maybe college wasn’t for her.
As much as she often wondered what it would be like to have a life apart from touring and music and recording, she knew she wouldn’t really have it any other way. This was her dream come true. But it was a funny thing about dreams.
Without someone you loved to share them with, to be proud of you, happy for you, cheering you on, achieving them felt kind of empty.
Mia often criticized her for working too hard, but she stayed busy for a reason. It was easier that way. Easier to keep at it than to sit home by her lonesome and wish for things she’d never have.
Days when things had gone terribly in the studio, or God, that time her earpiece had malfunctioned and shot feedback through her ear and she’d screwed up on the National Anthem at a hockey game, it would’ve been really nice to have had someone to come home to. Someone to wrap her in his arms and tell her it would be okay. That these things happened and that she’d get past it.
As it was, she ended days like those alone, drinking wine from a box, fighting tears so she could see to scrawl out lyrics to songs she knew she’d never sing.
Which was pretty much what she was doing on the ride to Detroit. She leaned her head against the window when they stopped for fuel.
“Knock, knock,” she heard Steven’s voice say through the door to her room.
“It’s open,” she answered, scrubbing away residual tears and pasting a wide smile on her face.
“So I heard a rumor,” he began, stepping into her room and lowering himself onto the chair across from her bed.
“Just one?” Kylie put her pen down and let it roll off her notebook.
He grinned at her. “Well, just one that concerns me.”
“Ah. Are you pregnant?”
“Not that I know of. But I could’ve sworn you said your guitar player asked for time off. According to the other guys in the band, he’s not the type to do such a thing.” Kylie didn’t respond right away so Steven continued. “Which leads me to wonder, why exactly did you ask me to come along on this tour, Ryans?”
“Aiden’s wife just had twins. You were looking for work. It seemed like the best solution for everyone,” she said quietly.
“Uh huh. For everyone? Or for you?”
She took a deep breath and met his gaze. “If you don’t want to be here, Blythe, I can call Aiden and tell him he’s flying to Detroit to meet us. You’re not on contract. Feel free to leave at any time.”
Steven gave her a sad smile. She wasn’t sure, but his expression reminded her of the one people wore when they found out her daddy had died. Or that Trace had dumped her for Gretchen Gibson. The pity grin. She hated it. More than anything.
“I wasn’t saying I wanted to bail on you, Ryans. Relax. I just don’t like being lied to and I don’t want to look like an idiot out here. Or a charity case. If I’m here because you needed a guitar player, then okay. If I’m here because you needed a buffer between you and Corbin, then that’s okay too. But if I’m here because you felt sorry for me or something, then I wish I would’ve turned you down. I just want you to be straight with me. I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask.”
Kylie sighed. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry I wasn’t completely upfront with you.” She glanced down at the lyrics she’d written. It was a song she’d started the day Trace had walked away from her. She didn’t know why she felt the need to finish it, but she did.
“You know you don’t have to hide stuff from me, right?” Steven asked, angling his face beneath hers so she had to look at him. “If you’re not okay, you could tell me.
“Yeah, I know. And I promise I’m fine.” She felt like she was constantly reassuring everyone of this lately. “The truth is…” She paused to gather as much courage as she possibly could. She could tell him, she knew he would understand or at least try to. She was just worried it would sound stupid out loud. So she edited it a bit. “The truth is you’re here because I needed a friend.” His expressions softened and she shrugged. “I mean, Lulu is great and I love her. She’s been my best friend forever. But sometimes I just want to hang out with someone who doesn’t know everything about me, you know? And someone who gets this business, this lifestyle. Like you.”