“Well just be sure you save enough energy for later,” he says low in my ear. “I still have to show you how much I missed you.”
I nod, hoping my legs are still steady enough to hold me. His lips brush against mine once more and then he winks before jogging outside to catch Bo and the others on their way to the barn.
After I’ve splashed some water on my face, I head outside and toward the barn where they’ve all gathered.
From behind and at a distance, they look like one big group.
I can see my son on my husband’s shoulders. Next to them, Pauly has one arm around Claire Ann, and in the other he holds Leah, the little girl they recently adopted from Guatemala. Rae and her boyfriend, whose name I can’t remember because all Trace ever refers to him as is the kid with crappy taste in music, stand beside them. Trace’s mom is slightly at a distance but Bo and Leah are both angling toward her.
Lily and her dad and brother are chatting with Mia and Steven. Looks like Lily’s brother the soccer star isn’t immune to Mia’s charms. I can practically see Steven tightening his grip on her from here. Bet he’ll be over that “no need to put a ring on it” thing before the night is over. Gretchen is on the other side of them with her handsome man and each of their kids.
From where I stand, I can see it. Them. The connections. Some are closer than others, but we’re all connected. All a part of something I didn’t fully understand until now. Something I never thought I’d have.
Walking toward them, I know I’m smiling like a crazed maniac, but I can’t help it. In a way, I’m in love with each and every one of them because they’re a part of our lives. The roles they’ve played in helping us get where we are make me love them even more. I place a hand on my stomach and stop just to look at them for a moment longer.
My family.
Panic threatens to send my heart into my throat. Could be the hormones from the pregnancy maybe. But I can’t wrap my mind around it. How did I get so lucky? What could I possibly have done to deserve this?
I get to live my dream and I have a family to share it with. To laugh with and fight with and eat meals with. To love and miss, dream and cry with, and drive completely crazy.
There was a time when I thought I’d have to choose. One or the other. Dreams or family. And an even darker time when I felt like I had nothing and didn’t dare let myself imagine I’d ever have a life like this.
But somehow I have all the things I ever wished for. There is so much to be thankful for that I can hardly breathe when I think about how differently my life could’ve turned out.
Someone else has to be responsible. Someone had to be watching over me for me to be this blessed. For me to have everything I ever wanted, everything I needed, and then some, even after all of the mistakes I made.
A light misting rain begins to fall and suddenly I know. My moment of panic subsides and all I am is grateful.
Before I reach my family, I lift my face to the sky and whisper my words of gratitude.
“Thanks, Daddy.”