As I started to come fully awake, all the heinous events which had happened earlier came flooding back to me. I knew it couldn’t have been a dream, because the pain and aching proved the reality.
Kade was gone. Ethon was gone. Malachi and James… gone.
My thoughts rushed to Kade. I would never again be able to feel his loving touch, his soft kiss, or his warm arms around me again. His gentle words, the buzz of excitement whenever he walked into a room, and the undeniable connection we experienced whenever our eyes met, were all gone.
They were gone, and I was left with nothing but memories.
I closed my eyes and tried to picture his face, but my emotions began to brim, and tears rushed back into my swollen, aching eyes.
Samuel was sitting on the floor and Alaine was sleeping with her head gently resting on his lap. He nudged her and when her eyes landed on me, she sat up.
“How are you, sweetheart?” she asked. Her eyes were also red and swollen.
In one day there had been so much heartache, so much pain. How could we ever get through this? I couldn’t answer her. Tears automatically flooded my eyes, and began to spill down my tear stained cheeks.
“Emma,” Samuel spoke quietly. “We will be here for you. I know your world looks lightless and gloomy right now, but it will only be for a season, and this season will pass. One day you will wake up, and the sun will be shining again. It is then when you will start to find your happiness.”
I nodded, looking into both of their anguished eyes, knowing full well they wanted what was best for me, hoping everything would work out in the end.
“I’ll be alright. I just need some time,” I said, although my voice was weak and doubtful.
I knew those were the words they wanted and needed to hear. They needed to be consoled just as much as I did. But to even give them an answer I had to scrape from whatever remnants were left of me. I had been emptied, drained, and was now a shell of who I used to be. The butterfly in the cocoon had died along with Kade and Ethon.
“I’m sorry about James,” I said sadly.
She began nodding her head, tears filled her swollen eyes. “He was a good friend, one of my best. He and Malachi will be sorely missed. We are still praying and hoping for Alex to hold on as well. We’re still uncertain.”
I nodded, fighting the urge to crumble apart again.
“Your transformation is tonight. Would you like us to stay with you?” Alaine asked.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. I need to be alone.”
“Alright, sweetheart. We understand,” she replied. She walked over to me, then leaned over and lightly kissed my cheek. “If you change your mind, just call. Either of us will be close at all times, just to be sure.”
I nodded. “Thank you so much. Both of you. For everything.”
“You’re our daughter,” Samuel said. “We would do anything for you.”
“And we will always be here for you, should you need us,” Alaine added. She took Samuel’s hand and exited the room, closing the door behind them.
Now alone, sadness overtook me. I didn’t see how there could be a glorious transformation. I was only existing, not living. Breathing, but just barely.
I didn’t want it. I never wanted it… any of it. This life was shoved at me, then filled with nothing more than overwhelming heartache and pain. It was suffocating and killing me slowly. The meaning of life had been sucked right out of me, along with the will to live. I had nothing to look forward to.
Ethon and Kade were gone. Death had me in its clutches, and was pulling me deeper and deeper down into its fiery pit, with no one left to pull me out.
I closed my eyes and envisioned the two sets of eyes which had consumed my life over the past few months. Two men chosen to be my soul mates, both stolen away, leaving me shattered. My heart would never mend, and my bond would never be fulfilled.
I was cursed from the beginning. Everyone I had ever loved, aside from Samuel and Alaine, had died. As much as I loved them, they would never be able to fill the empty void that was left.
James and Malachi were gone, and I still hadn’t even begun to mourn them yet.
I lay in bed terrified of what the transformation might bring. Merely thinking about it made my heart thrum a million miles an hour, and a cold sweat blanket over my skin. Maybe, I didn’t want to be alone and endure whatever was coming.
Continued thoughts of Kade and Ethon swirled in my mind, but the one who I wished would be here to hold me, and see me through, was Kade. If the decision had been up to me, I would have chosen him. There was no doubt about it. It was always him. From the very beginning.
Ethon was an amazing guy, and had everything a girl could want, but he still wasn’t Kade.