Nick had written that Lily was single. Adam figured Nick and Lily had some kind of friends-with-benefits thing going on, but he’d never planned on some other guy mixed in the equation. And what in the hell was up with the red marks on her back? Did Tony have something to do with it? If he’d hurt her, there would be hell to pay. Adam would make sure of that.
Lily…
He slipped farther down on the couch and rubbed his chest. He couldn’t recall ever having such an immediate, electric reaction to a woman before. Sure, there had been others, but none like Lily. He had just met her and had to know more. He realized Nick’s letters, full of stories of lazy afternoons and peaceful nights, had been hiding something.
Adam’s gut recoiled as he thought about his contract for Afghanistan. His flight would leave in September, and he’d land his ass right in the middle of the shit again. He’d never felt such dread to leave on assignment. Until now.
He turned his head. The soft leather cradled his cheek as he watched the sun’s rays dip behind the tree line. Thoughts of Nick lingered in the back of his mind. He was too tired to lift his head. Too tired to think about what could have been for him and his brother: the words left unspoken, the laughs left unheard. He was too exhausted to cry. Vaguely able to tell the difference between the sounds of the birds chirping outside the screen door or the clock ticking on the wall, all his senses were starting to meld together as sleep finally came to claim him.
Adam jerked upright. A sense of panic took him as he looked around the room. He rubbed his eyes, trying to focus. His neck felt tight and his stomach nauseated. The sound of gunshots rang in his ears. The stench of burning flesh festered in his nose. He shook his head.
A silver film shimmered in the darkness. Flares? No. Moonlight? Yes, moonlight. The glow filtered through the windows, making shadows dance on the walls. He was at Nick’s. A sigh of relief. He leaned back against the sofa.
A new panic gripped him. What time was it? He shot up and turned on the lamp. He looked at his watch. Seven forty-five. Damn, just enough time.
The hot water running over his tired shoulders felt good as he relinquished his thoughts to the steam. He remembered Tony’s gentle coaxing of Lily to let him come over. Wait. He slapped his palm against the tile. Now he recalled one of Nick’s letters had spoken briefly of a Tony, but never as Lily’s companion. There was a mention of him being Lily’s friend. Adam lathered the coconut-scented shampoo through his hair and smiled. He’s just a friend.
As the water rained over his head, he swiped the suds from his face. The memory of Ellen, his fiancée, on the day before he left for Iraq pierced his thoughts. She had looked so pretty—pure—standing in the terminal. But Adam knew at that moment he didn’t want pretty or pure. He wanted dirty and sexy. She’d promised to make all the arrangements with her mother. They’d have the wedding when he returned.
“We’ll have everything ready when you get back,” Ellen had said as she and her mother both waved good-bye.
Adam rinsed the shampoo from his hair. He flinched with the memory, recalling the sight of her when he’d returned and the hurt he’d caused. He hadn’t been ready for that step. He figured he probably hadn’t been ready for it when he boarded the plane but hadn’t been strong enough to say it.
Taking the soap from the dish, he examined his hands. The scars had healed well. The doctor in the makeshift emergency room had been Iraqi. Adam rubbed the soap between his palms, remembering the pain when they removed the glass, piece by piece, from the mangled flesh. So fucking lucky. He could still use his hands.
Shaking his head to release the thought, he rubbed his lathered hands over his chest and down his lean torso, feeling every ridge that laced his tight stomach, and even farther down until the tips of his fingers rubbed the rough curls at the base of his dick. He smirked. He wasn’t the same skinny kid anymore. Adam cupped his heavy scrotum and massaged the soap over his half-stiffened cock.
God, did Lily think about him as much as he did about her? He stroked the hard shaft, letting his fantasy continue until he spilled cum all over the shower floor. Adam laughed. When was the last time he’d come that fast and that fucking hard? Never! Goddamn, his need was insatiable. Ellen had always joked about him going blind. Finally, one night she screamed at him to get off her and go to the bathroom to finish.
He’d never initiated sex with her again.
Six weeks later he was in the middle of mortar blasts and gunfire.
Sex was the one element of his relationship with his ex that had always suffocated him. He was too rough. Too bossy. Too needy. Before he’d left her standing in her apartment for the last time, she’d scorned him for his unrealistic desires. He looked down at his penis. Yep, still hard. He furrowed his brow. Maybe she was right. There isn’t a respectable woman out there who’d put up with me.