Ghostface Killer(56)

"My father. I killed him."

I immediately crash from my copulation high. Slamming into pavement like a crushed paper airplane. If there were any words in the English language that had the physical capability to slice me open and gut me like a fish, those would be the ones. I killed him.

I draw my face back to look at him. To really, really look at him. If anyone else in the world admitted to killing Benny, they'd already be dead. But Baz is the one person I just can't kill. He's my exception. My choice. The first real one I've made in ten years.

What a conundrum my life is. I'd spent months searching for Benny's killer, avenging his death, and the one who took his life is the one I never saw coming. Is the one I'm now bound to. The father of my child. Benny's own son.

Karma is cruel and twisted and undoubtedly a bitch. There have only been two men I've ever cared about, and they both come from the same bloodline. Talk about some kismet shit.

"It's why Regina was hunting me down like a dog," Baz continues to explain.

"Regina?" I blink, confused. Regina organized a manhunt? Honestly, I thought the only thing she was capable of organizing was her shoes. Despite the family she's from, and her desperate attempt to step into Benny's role, she's a princess pussy cat. She was never interested in the life, as far as I could tell. Just the money and status and security it provided.

"She was there. She saw the whole thing. It was self-defense," he argues.

"Self-defense?"

"My father hated me, Stevie. We hadn't talked in over four years before my grandfather died. And then after he did, Benny called me up, spewing the importance of family and how we missed so much time and wanted to hash things out. I was skeptical. Suspicious, even. But curious, most of all. I agreed to meet him at his downtown restaurant. He said he'd close the place just for us. So we could be alone, eat, talk, without any interruptions."

"Oh, no, Baz." That's a recipe for disaster. Why didn't Benny just wave a fucking sign You're Walking into a Trap.

"I guess I was blind. Blindly hopeful that he had changed. But I was wrong. Dead fucking wrong. As soon as I walked into the room, I knew it was a set up. No one was there. There were no lights, no staff. No nothing. Just Benny holding a gun. I'm his fucking son!" Baz erupts furiously. "And he invited me to my death with a pretty package full of lies." 

"So, what happened?" I keep running through that night in my head. Benny told me he had a job. He wanted me there, but I had plans with Claudia. I was rebelling. I was pissed at him for forcing me out on my own and then resenting me for it. That was so Benny. Asshole with a capital A-S-S. Regina called me later that night with the devastating news. Gianni had made a move, and Benny was the target. The family had been in turbulence ever since Pasquale got sick. He had to name a successor, and Gianni apparently wanted to be it.

I blamed myself for Benny's death. I should have been there. That's what I kept telling myself. If I was there, I could have saved him. At least that's what I thought all those months. That's what I thought when I believed Benny was killed by Gianni, but Baz is telling me a completely different story. A story that doesn't align with Regina's at all.

"I tried to reason with him. Tried to appeal to his human side. As much as he hated me and I hated him, he was still my father, and some stupid boyish part of me held out hope that one day he'd look past all my issues"-he spits out the word like it's disgusting-"and just see me. See the man I'd become. See a man who loved him unconditionally and was desperate for his attention. For his approval, for his love." I picture Baz as a child, all tousled brown hair and big green, beautiful eyes, just begging for affection. God, how I can relate. I was starved for affection my entire childhood. Just passed around like a ratty doll from foster home to foster home until I had enough. Ironically, Benny was the first one to ever give me the attention I craved. To ever really care, even if it was in his own perverse way.

"I wasn't going to just let him shoot me. I couldn't. He'd already taken so much. I wasn't going to hand over my life. Not without a fight. So, I grabbed for the gun. We struggled, and it went off. Benny dropped to the floor. I barely registered what just happened when Regina popped out from nowhere, screaming that I killed him. She saw the whole thing. She fell next to Benny's body, covering her hands over the wound. She was crying and yelling, and I was completely in shock. I had just killed my own father, and I felt . . . relieved." He looks back at me distraught. "What kind of monster can I possibly be? I killed him, and I had no remorse. I still don't. I'm' glad he's dead." His eyes glisten with the remorse he believes he doesn't have. I place my hands on his cheeks, torn in so many pieces I don't think I'll ever truly be whole again. I tighten my legs around Baz's waist, our bodies still joined. He never pulled out, just stayed planted in place as he confessed his sins. To me, of all people. The most contradictory of confidants.