Game of Love(33)

Dex was nodding off when his mother appeared in the doorway in her fluffy blue robe and slippers. She came to the edge of the bed and sat down beside him. He smiled up at her sleepily, and she brushed his hair from his forehead.

“I knew I heard that window,” she said. Her hair was loose down her back. Her eyes moved from Dex to Ellie, then back again. “Always the window.” A breathy, quiet laugh slipped from her lips. “Is she okay?”

Dex nodded.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“We went to slay some demons.”

His mother nodded, as if she completely understood, which Dex was sure she did. His mother had the uncanny ability to know what was going on in her children’s lives, as she’d proven when they’d had lunch.

“And did you slay them?” she asked.

Dex slid out from beneath Ellie and settled her head on the pillow. She sighed contentedly and within seconds was once again fast asleep. Dex pointed to the hall, and his mother followed him out of the room.

“I don’t know if we slayed them or not,” he whispered. I hope we did. He glanced at Ellie. “It was a start. Mom, did you know about everything that went on when she was a kid?”

She touched his cheek, and her eyes filled with sadness. “Not all of it. We had our suspicions and found out the truth too late. Poor girl. She’s been through so much. I’m glad she’s here now. She always should have been here.”

“How come you never told me?” Dex whispered, gazing longingly at Ellie and wanting to hold her again.

“Oh, Dex. You were so lost when she left. The last thing you needed was to know the truth of it all. Your father took care of it.” She tightened the belt on her robe and patted his hand.

“Dad? What did Dad do? He was mad at me for missing her. I remember. He was kind of a pri—mean about it.” His father’s stern face and piercing eyes came back to him. You’re a man. Suck it up and move on.

“Yes, that’s your father’s way.” Joanie Remington was a realist. She didn’t make up excuses for his father any more than she’d have made up excuses for him or his siblings. “But he did good, Dex. You should be very proud of him. He had wondered about what went on there, and he did a bit of snooping. He followed you the night you went there.”

“Dad knew I went and didn’t ride me for it? I can’t believe that. He’d have given me hell if he knew.” Dex’s eyes locked on Ellie. As they spoke of his father, his gut clenched. Just like it always had. When they were kids, on the evenings his father had said particularly harsh things to him, he used to run his hands through Ellie’s silky hair, and he remembered how it soothed his prickly nerves. I always needed you, too.

“He’s not a bad man, Dexter. He loves you. He just doesn’t know how to move with a tender touch. He was upset with you that night for sneaking out, but he was livid when things came to light much later. Now, it appeared that that man handed out his own judgment, although we’ll never know if it was an accidental overdose or purposeful, but he must have been mentally sick to have done what was suspected. Your father found out that there were others before Ellie. So in a sense, he probably saved many more children by taking his own life.”

Dex’s eyes settled on Ellie. She wanted to stay. Just to be with me.

“Why was he so hard on me?” Dex asked. “If he knew what happened to Ellie, and he knew how I felt about her, why would he push me to let her go?”

“For the same reasons Ellie kept secrets. It’s all they know.”

She said it so matter-of-factly that it threw him off balance for a minute. It’s all they know?

“But…” He shook his head.

“Oh, sweetheart. Sometimes with your fancy apartment and your huge career, I forget you’re still only twenty-six. You haven’t experienced enough of life to see it for yourself yet, but we’re all just doing the best we can. Your father learned from his father. He raised you doing the best he knew how. And as for Ellie, growing up in the foster system is difficult. The social workers do the best they can to decipher when kids are telling the truth and when they’re vying for a new placement or for attention. And I’d imagine that Ellie spent years keeping quiet for fear of not being believed.” She looked thoughtfully into Dex’s eyes. “And as for me, well, I just do the best I can, too. I love each of you with all my heart, but without your father’s stern love, you’d have grown up to be wishy-washy wimps.” She smiled, and it lit up her eyes.

Her eyes lingered on Dex for a few breaths, and in those moments he realized that there was far more to his parents’ actions than he’d ever realized. How much restraint had it taken for his father not to say something to Dex about Ellie being in his room at night? James Remington, control freak, six-foot-four retired four-star general. Stern father, harsh motivator, and when Dex was growing up…the man to be obeyed. To know his father had taken steps to protect Ellie cushioned Dex’s mixed emotions toward him.

Joanie shifted her gaze to Ellie, and her smile faded. Dex’s heart ached. “I worry about her. She’s a sweet thing, and if she’s anything like she was as a teenager, she’s strong willed and very, very private. You can see that she feels safe beside you.” She sighed. “She looks as precious as you used to treat her. Be careful with her, Dexter. As much as you think you can’t take being hurt again, I’m not sure she could take it either.”

“I love her, Mom. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. But we have to trust each other. We’re working on it, and I think tonight helped a lot, but it’s kind of up to her.” He shrugged.

“That’s where you’re wrong, honey. It’s up to both of you. To trust is also to be trustworthy. She has to be able to tell you things when she’s ready, even if it’s way past the time that you’re ready to hear them. And as much as that stings, you have to trust her enough to allow her to do so.”

“That makes no sense. If you love someone, you share everything. You’ve always taught us that honesty was everything. I remember you saying, As long as you’re honest, you’ll never be punished. No matter what you did. Was that all a load of crap?”

She smiled. “No, honey. I don’t dole out crap. Honesty and trust combined, they’re everything, but forcing someone to tell you anything before they’re ready is controlling. Trust in her and honesty will follow.”

“But how? How can I trust when I know she’s keeping things from me?”

“Do you trust me?” his mother asked.

“Of course.”

“I kept what we thought had happened to Ellie from you. Do you feel differently about me now that you know that?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Dex, until she can trust that you aren’t going to hurt her like everyone else in her life has, she’s not going to trust you.” She narrowed her eyes in a way that said she knew exactly how they ended up back on Marlboro Street that night. “And that includes forcing her to come forward with things she’d long ago buried deep inside herself. Just as you can’t trust her until she’s sharing her deepest thoughts with you. It’s a double-edged sword that needs to be danced around carefully. You’ll figure it out, Dexy.” She looked at the clock on his bedside table. “Goodness, we’d better get some sleep. When you mentioned she was back, I knew you would eventually end up back here. We’ll have breakfast in the morning.”

Dex settled in beside Ellie and closed his eyes, hoping his heart wouldn’t get slashed too deeply. As he pulled her closer, he knew that even if he ended up hurt again, Ellie was worth the risk.





Chapter Twenty-Eight


ELLIE SAT ON the edge of Dex’s bed, trying to ward off the memories that being back in his room brought careening back. The fear of lying in the bed at her foster home, listening to the grunts and noises of that awful man pleasuring himself, irritated her skin like dozens of spiders crawling over her limbs. She fought against every muscle to remain motionless when her mind screamed, Get out! She’d seen her foster father in every shadow all those years ago—heard his voice in the wind.

The only thing that had pulled her through and carried her young legs down the dark and eerie roads so long ago had been Dex. Dex had always been there for her, silently supporting her, loving her when no one else would—or could. She rubbed her hand over his pillow. She’d been so mad at him when she’d realized where he was taking her, and it had been a goddamn struggle to make it up that hill and face the nightmare that she’d tried so hard to forget. But Dex hadn’t forced her to do it. She’d felt his steely resolve, and his anger, fall away. He was trying to make them possible. And Ellie wanted them more than she wanted her next breath. She covered her ears and repeated the mantra that had pulled her through many dark moments. I’m okay. Just get through it. He can’t hurt me anymore. He couldn’t hurt her anymore. She chewed on that thought for a while. Yes, he could. Every time she backed away from Dex, every time she wanted to run, she was letting what he’d done hurt her. Well, fuck.