“Thanks, Regina. I needed to hear that.”
“Yeah, well, don’t thank me yet. Because if you hurt him, then I’m gonna have to kill you, and that’s not something I look forward to. Jail and all that? What a waste of a life.” She yanked Ellie’s hand. “Come on. Lover boy awaits.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
IN THE BAR, Regina grabbed Ellie’s wrist. “Dance with me.”
Ellie groaned. “I really suck at dancing.” She caught Dex’s eye and silently pleaded for him to save her. He rose to his feet, and she thought she’d been saved, but when he reached her side, he leaned down and whispered, “I can’t wait to see your moves.”
Mitch followed Dex onto the floor, and before Ellie could wrangle herself away, Dex’s hips were gyrating dangerously close to hers, his jeans pressed tight against him in all the right places as all of his body parts moved in perfect sync, with some sort of seductive dirty-dancing action going on that made Ellie tingle all over. His dark eyes captured hers, and when he lowered his mouth and settled it over hers, she closed her eyes and let her body do what came naturally. She felt his hands on her hips, and the sweet rum combined with the heady swell of love in her heart moved her body in perfect rhythm with his.
“Damn, you’re sexy,” he whispered against her cheek. His hands roved up her back, and he pressed his hips into her.
“Hey, this is a dance floor, not a bedroom,” Regina said, waggling her finger at them. “I thought you couldn’t dance?” she said to Ellie.
“Dex brings out a whole side of me I never knew I had.” Ellie secretly loved to dance, but she had been dancing in public only a handful of times. Dex ran his hands beneath her hair and up the back of her neck, causing a full-body shudder. When the song ended, he closed the gap between them and took her in another deep kiss. Her desire to bolt forgotten, she snuggled next to him in the booth.
“Wow, you guys are great together. Unlike left-foot Charlie here.” She pushed her shoulder into Mitch’s.
“Hey, at least I try.”
Regina smiled at Mitch. “You are kinda cute when you’re trying to be sexy.” She sucked down her drink and flagged down the waitress, who brought out another round.
Ellie’s phone vibrated in her jacket pocket. She dug it out and sighed.
“It buzzed while you were in the bathroom, too,” Dex said.
She read the text and noticed that the previous text, also from Asshole, had already been read. “Did you read it?” She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She’d never read his texts. I answered Bruce’s phone. The thought gave her pause. Why would I answer Bruce’s phone but not read Dex’s texts? The answer came like a breath of fresh air. Because I trust Dex. And then the realization hit her. Hard. He doesn’t trust me.
He hadn’t answered her question. The table fell silent. Ellie was aware of Regina and Mitch sharing a glance, though she didn’t look to see how it translated.
“Dex?”
“Yeah, I did. I figured it was that guy, and I was worried.”
She nodded, mulling over the implications. “And what did you find out from the text?” She’d read it. She knew exactly what he’d found out.
“What you should have told me.”
Their eyes locked. Ellie’s stomach twisted. She’d managed to fuck up her life again. She knew she should have told Dex about Bruce’s text, but all he’d asked was if it was her he’d seen by the thrift shop, and she didn’t want to worry Dex over something so innocuous. Damn it. She should have told Dex about seeing him in the first place.
“I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I knew you’d want to talk about it and it would become a big deal, and I just want it all to go away.” She reached for his hand, but he pulled away. “You’re mad? You were just dancing with me and you were fine. That’s a terribly delayed reaction.”
“I was waiting to see if you’d tell me. I want to trust you, Ellie, but if you don’t trust me enough to tell me when things are going on, how can I trust you?”
“Um, we’re gonna go to the bar for a bit. Move, Mitch.” Regina shoved Mitch out of the booth.
“I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t.”
“Ellie, what’s going on? Do you want to see this guy?”
“No,” she said angrily. “That’s not it at all and you know that.” She pulled back, giving space to the anger that was growing between them. The ugly, unexpected, goddamn anger that was spearing her heart and shattering their wonderful evening.
He leaned closer to her, his eyes dead calm, his voice a seductive thread of hope. “Then why, Ellie? All I asked for was honesty. Is that so hard? Or does honesty rank up there with staying in one place?”
“That’s just mean.” And too damn close to the truth.
“No, babe.” He ran his finger down the line of her jaw, and she wanted him to follow it up with a kiss despite the hurt in his eyes and the ache that ran through her entire body. “The truth isn’t mean. It just is.” He didn’t shift his gaze. He waited. Too damn patiently.
Ellie’s heart raced for a whole different reason than it had earlier. She thought of what Regina had said, and she thought of how much she loved Dex, and finally, the truth came out loud and clear. “I just want it to go away. If you start something, it will never go away. I want to wake up and be done with it. I hate worrying when my phone rings. I hate that I see the same worry in your eyes with every text. I wish I could go back three months and never accept that date with him. But then I think…no, I don’t wish that at all, because if I didn’t accept that date, I wouldn’t be here now, with you.” She moved closer to Dex, though he made no move to accept what she was saying. He sat up straighter and leaned against the wall.
“Whatever my fucked-up life has been and whatever that asshole put me and his wife through, even though it sucked, it brought me here. Right here, Dex. With you. Can’t you see that I am trying? I want what we have—the love, the closeness, being with my best friend day and night—but I’m not you. My fucking moral compass doesn’t always tell me to shoot straight. Sometimes it says to jump over the hurdles that are too big or too scary. Or sometimes to avoid them altogether, but you have to know that I’d never want to be with someone else.”
Dex’s stoic expression killed her. She breathed faster, feeling like the air was being sucked from the room. He couldn’t possibly believe she’d want to be with someone else. Could he?
“Dex?” Her voice was a thin thread.
He tore his eyes away, and it felt like he’d scraped her heart with sandpaper. He ran his hand through his hair.
“I don’t honestly believe you want to be with anyone else. But when you didn’t answer your phone this afternoon and then you came home looking like something awful had happened and I knew you were keeping it from me, what was I supposed to think? All I know was that I had that sinking feeling in my gut that made me feel like I was drowning, just like when you left last time.”
“But I told you I wouldn’t leave.” Even as she said it, she knew it wouldn’t hold enough weight. She’d left last time, and she knew how hard it had been for them both to get over that hurt. She saw it in his eyes, and if she was honest with herself, even as he loved her in the shower, on the bed, every moment he was with her, she felt the worry and mistrust hovering behind all that emotion. Lurking. Waiting to come forward like a ghost and slip in like a barrier between them, whispering, I knew you couldn’t stay.
He reached in his pocket and threw a wad of cash on the table; then he took her hand and pushed her gently out of the booth. “Come on.” He crossed the floor to Regina and Mitch. “Hey, I paid, but we’re gonna take off.”
Mitch nodded. “You guys okay?”
He looked at Ellie, and her first inclination was to run. Sprint out the front door as fast as she could and jump on a train to anywhere just to outrun the pain of her life falling apart—again. In the next second, she gripped Dex’s hand tighter, and she knew she never wanted to let go.
“Yeah, we’re good.”
Ellie wondered why he lied. They headed for the door, and Regina reached out and grabbed hold of Ellie’s arm, tugging her away from Dex, and for a split second, Ellie wanted to fall into her arms and cry.
Regina held on to her so tightly Ellie worried she was upset that she’d hurt Dex. Regina lowered her head so only Ellie would hear her whisper.
“You deserve to be loved. Do you hear me?”
Ellie didn’t answer. She couldn’t push anything past the lump that formed thick and resistant in her throat.
Regina yanked her closer. “Did you hear me, Ellie? You are not a product of the fucking system. You deserve to be loved, and if you have to fight for it, then that’s what you do. Fight for this with everything you’ve got.” She tugged her against her bony chest and hugged her.
Ellie felt the beating of Regina’s heart against her chest. She shot a glance in the mirror behind the bar and caught a glimpse of the wicked stare Regina was giving Dex. It had been a long time since Ellie had an ally, and now the lump in her throat anchored her feet to the ground as tears of thankfulness pressed against her lids. She gripped Regina’s wiry waist, hoping her eyes would convey the thank-you that wouldn’t push past the goddamn lump.