“Hey,” he’d said.
“Hey.” Gulp.
He hadn’t said another word. He’d held his hands out for her to take hold, and when her hands touched his, she didn’t think. She scaled the wall, holding on to his hands and using her feet to walk up the bricks. She put her arms around his neck when he reached for her, and when he helped her down from the sill, inside his room, then took her hand and led her to the bed, he knelt down and took off her shoes without a word. She remembered watching him move around her like he’d been waiting for her his whole life. He’d looked at her and smiled with the right side of his mouth. And then he’d sat back on the bed against the headboard in the same position he’d been in when she’d arrived, and he lifted his arm. She’d crawled in beside him, one hand on his bare belly, the other against his side—in what would become their nightly position—and she’d closed her eyes. That was the first night she’d slept, really allowed herself to forget the world and fade away, in all the years she could remember.
Dex’s hand on her cheek pulled her from the memory.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked.
She laid her head on his chest. “Better than okay.”
“What were you thinking of just then?” He ran his fingers through her hair.
“You.” For the first time in her life, Ellie wondered if she should return to their old neighborhood and face what had driven her to sneak out for all those years. Find some closure.
“That’s good, right?” He flashed that crooked grin she loved.
She pushed the thought from her mind, unable to deal with anything that heavy right then. She wanted to focus on what she had now and the hope that was growing inside of her for a future…with Dex. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Dexy?”
“Yeah?”
“I was thinking. You have misgivings about what PC games do to kids, and I know you love making them, but what about balancing those misgivings by helping kids in another way? Would you ever consider helping us make that software program for kids? I mean, I know it’s not your thing, but—”
He lifted her chin so she was looking into his eyes. “I’ve thought about it since you mentioned it to me. I even talked to Mitch about it. Yeah, I want to.”
She sat up and pulled the blanket over her lower half. “Really?” Excitement prickled her limbs.
“Yeah. I was thinking, most educational software programs feel like educational programs. The way you explained what you had envisioned the first time you told me about it, it made me think of a multiplayer platform. So I took that idea a little further. We could develop educational software that feels like a game. Obviously, it can’t be like World of Thieves or have weapons or those types of elements, but we can use the same type of premise, set the program in a made-up world with cool characters and reading prompts, match prompts, whatever educational elements you need. You’ll have to guide us on that end, but it’s totally doable.”
“You really have been thinking about it.”
“I’ll always make games, but I worry about what’s going to happen ten years from now. I mean, now that both guys and girls are gaming all the time, if you look down the road, their kids will grow up doing it, too. Soon no one will play sports or go to museums, or hell, even leave their houses.”
Ellie wrinkled her brow. “A little overdramatic today?”
“Maybe. A little over everything today. But I do want to be involved with something that will help kids. So yeah, whatever you need. I’m in.”
She sighed and tumbled down beside him again.
“You’re waiting for the other shoe to fall and clunk you on the head.” Dex touched the top of her head.
“You can tell?”
“I can always tell.” He leaned over her and lifted up her shirt, exposing her stomach. Dex drew a heart on her skin with his index finger. “Nothing’s gonna clunk you.”
Her phone vibrated again, and she groaned.
“Just answer it,” he said.
“I don’t want to.”
He stared at the phone, and guilt speared her heart.
“Who is Asshole?” Dex’s voice turned serious. He held her gaze, and when she tried to look away, he shook his head. “Ellie, we owe each other honesty. I will never lie to you, and I don’t think I could stand it if you lied to me. Not after all these years and everything we’ve been through.”
She closed her eyes for a breath. Tell him. Don’t ruin this. She covered her eyes with her arm. “If I tell you, you can’t judge me, because it’s not my fault. And you can’t look at me, either.”
“Ellie.”
She shook her head, her arm acting as a barrier between the hurt she knew would fill his eyes and the embarrassment that would fill hers. And if she dared tell him the whole truth, he’d go ballistic. She knew this about him. He’d go to the ends of the earth to protect her. But he couldn’t slay the demons that haunted her heart if he didn’t know what they were. He wouldn’t morph from sweet, loving Dexy to man-on-a-mission without a reason, and right now she needed sweet, loving Dexy. Just this last time. It wasn’t a lie, really. She was going to tell him the truth, omitting only one tiny piece of information. Tiny, my ass. Okay. One big fucking chunk of information that she wasn’t ready to relive.
“Okay, fine,” she relented. “I came to New York because I found out the guy I was dating was married.” She held her breath and pressed her arm to her eyes.
“And?”
She dropped her arm and sat up. “And? Really? Married, Dex. Do you know what that means? Do you know what that makes me?” Jeez, do I have to spell it out to you? T. R. A. M. P.
He laughed. “Feisty, aren’t we?”
She pushed his chest. “I’m not a home wrecker. I had no idea he was married, and I’m thoroughly and utterly mortified to have been part of the whole mess.”
Dex took her hand. “I’m sorry. That does suck.”
“It does.”
“So you left Maryland because of that? Did you know his wife?”
Ellie shook her head, and guilt drove her eyes shifting downward. Not telling Dex the truth was harder this time than she’d anticipated. She had seen trust in his eyes, and now, as she stole a glance at him, she saw empathy that she didn’t deserve. She had just begun to find her footing with her students, her roommates, and then, hell if it wasn’t swept out from under her by that asshole. That was enough of a kick in the ass. Her life was just beginning to settle around her again. She and Dex were finally making headway as a couple. She couldn’t take another kick in the ass, not now.
“No. He traveled a lot, and I never put two and two together.”
“How’d you find out?” He inched nearer to her and held her close.
Ellie knew he wasn’t going to let her retreat into herself. “He was in the shower, and when his phone rang, I answered it.” Her eyes filled with tears. Damn it. Do. Not. Cry.
“Oh, Ellie.” He pulled her close and stroked her back, kicking that damn guilt into high gear.
“She was so hurt, Dex. I mean, I could feel this woman’s pain through the phone, and it was one of those times when nothing needed to be said. I knew the minute I answered and heard a female gasp on the other end of the phone. She said something like, Is he with you? And I stuttered, then apologized. Profusely. Jesus, I had no idea.” And then he hurt me.
“I know it feels horrible, but you can’t really blame yourself if you didn’t know.”
She closed her eyes until the tears subsided. Each tear seared her heart with pain at hiding the rest of the truth. “I’ve told myself that a hundred times, but then I talked to one of my roommates. She’d just gotten her degree in psychology, so it was free therapy. She asked me if I thought maybe I’d chosen him because he was safe. She said I wouldn’t ever have to get close to him because some part of me knew he was married.” She gripped Dex’s hand. “Dex, I swear to you, I had no idea. I know I’m fucked up, but I’d never be that person. No way. You know me.” She searched his eyes and saw that he did know her, probably better than she knew herself. And he trusted her—right at that moment, she wished he wouldn’t.
“I honestly can’t see you getting close to anyone in the first place, married or not.” He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. “Or maybe I just wouldn’t want to think about it. Does he still contact you?”
She nodded.
“Does he know where you are?” The softness left his face, bringing out the harsher lines, the muscles in his jaw. The protective Dex.
“I don’t know. I think he knows I came to New York, but of course he’d have no idea where I am.” Would he? No. There was no way he’d be able to track her.
“Ellie, if he’s in New York, I wanna have a talk with him.”
He dropped her hands, and Ellie saw his biceps jump beneath his tattoos. His eyes slanted dangerously.
“No, Dex. I don’t want to feed this creep’s…whatever it is. He’s probably just not used to being turned away. His wife’s already been hurt. I just want to forget about it all and move on.” Her phone buzzed again, and she reached for it.