His mother shot a look at Siena.
“What? It’s not my fault.” Siena put her napkin on the table. “I actually liked her a lot. She was quiet and sweet, and she put up with you and your boring tinkering stage. I never had an issue with her, and I’m sorry that I called her the foster girl. I won’t do that again, Dex. Really. I’m sorry.” Her phone vibrated again, and she read the message and immediately began gathering her purse and jacket. “Oh crap. I’m sorry, guys, but my agent needs me in his office.” She kissed her mother’s cheek, then hugged Dex’s rigid body, letting her hand linger on his shoulder for an extra few seconds. “I’m sorry, Dex. Call me and we’ll all hang out. Okay?”
He nodded.
“My life with my children is so hit or miss,” their mother said. “Siena, call me and we’ll go shopping or something when you can.”
“That sounds like fun. Thanks, Mom. Love you.”
His mother watched Siena walk away, and then she shot Dex the same look she had when he was a teenager and she didn’t buy what he’d told her. The look that said, I’m your mother and I have eyes in the back of my head.
“Wanna talk about it?” his mother asked.
“Not really.”
She nodded. “You know, I remember when she used to come to the house. She was a watcher. She’d watch you and Siena, and you could see her mind calculating when it was safe to talk, or sit, or move. She was a sweet little thing, and she understood you, Dex. She knew you better than most of us did.”
Why did he suddenly feel like he wanted to climb into his mother’s lap and be hugged? “Yeah?” was all he could manage.
She nodded. “There were times when your father would say something harsh to you and you’d carry it close to your chest for hours. Until bedtime in fact. And I’d worry about you. Oh, how I’d worry. You were such a sensitive boy, and you took everything your father said to heart. Still do.” She shook her head.
His father knew how to cut him to the core, though Dex knew he never meant to hurt any of them. As a four-star general, he was trained to be severe. Their father had given them backbone and muscle; their mother had saved their hearts.
“I used to worry that something would happen between you two. Something irreversible.” She looked at him without judgment. Her tone was kind and motherly, not patronizing.
“It wasn’t like that between us,” Dex admitted.
“No. I realized that after a while. She was with you all the time, Dex, and that doesn’t surprise me. You were two peas in a pod. Both hurting for different reasons. Believe me, if I could have taken her from that house and raised her as my own, I would have.”
Dex leaned across the table. “You knew what went on at her house?”
“Oh, Dex. Anyone who was involved with my children got the full motherly investigation. I visited her foster parents. Befriended them as best I could. They were a mess. The best thing that could have happened was for her to be placed in another home. Even though that was the worst thing for you. And I do believe it was. The separation crushed you. I don’t think I’d ever felt so sad for one of my children. Well, other than when Linda died, of course. Gosh, that was awful for Jack. Just awful, and those next two years…” She shook her head, her eyes serious. “Thank goodness he found Savannah.”
Dex’s oldest brother Jack’s first wife had died in a car accident, and Jack had blamed himself. He’d pretty much disappeared from their lives for nearly two years. Then he’d met Savannah, and he’d found his way back to them once again.
“How is Ellie? I’ve often wondered what became of her.”
“She’s doing well, Mom. She’s got a master’s in minority and urban education, and she has great ideas to help low-income kids.” He scrubbed his face with his hand. The admission hung on his lips. I love her, Mom. I really love her.
“She was always smart. You could see that by looking into her eyes. Dex, how is she otherwise? Some kids who go through the system have a really hard time getting close to people, letting them in.” She picked at her salad while Dex pieced together an answer.
“You know, with me she’s always been…I’m not sure how to describe her. She…”
“Is she still climbing in your window?” she asked with a tender smile.
Dex furrowed his brow. “You knew? Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Dexy, you needed her as much as she needed you, and it wasn’t like you were two horny teenagers jumping each other’s bones. You treated her like she was precious china. And she…” She glanced thoughtfully out the window, her eyes soft, a smile on her lips. “She adored just being with you. You were her hero.”
Hero? Ellie was more of a hero than he was. She’d overcome so much in her life. “I’m not anyone’s hero, Mom, and we never did anything, but I’m not a saint. I wanted to before she left, but I wouldn’t have put her in that position.”
“I know. You were creatures of comfort, and you each provided what the other needed. You didn’t need sex with Ellie. You needed the safety of each other.” She tapped the side of her head. “I kept my eyes open. I worried as you got older and she became more beautiful, but I never figured you to be the kind of boy who was driven by sex. You’ve always been driven by your heart.”
“Okay, this is getting uncomfortable.” Dex took a gulp of ice water.
“You boys are so macho, but when it comes to matters of intimacy, you get all childish. I’d love to see her, if it gets to that point, and if not, then I’m glad you found each other again anyway. The way she left last time was heartbreaking, and I’d hate to see you miss out on love forever because you and Ellie never got together or you never figure out how to get over her.”
The way she said last time confirmed that Sage had filled her in on Ellie’s visit four years ago. Dex’s phone vibrated with a message from Ellie. His chest tightened. Part of him was waiting for the Dear Dex text telling him that she’d made a mistake. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she might leave at any moment, despite her intentions not to. He read the text. Met someone at Dept of Ed. Going 4 interview. Wish me luck!
He breathed a sigh of relief and texted back. You’ll do great. Xox.
“Ellie?” his mother asked.
“Yeah.”
“Dex, I don’t want to pry, but you had that look in your eyes just then. You’re worried she’ll leave again, aren’t you?” She touched his hand.
Dex didn’t answer. He couldn’t. Being with Ellie for a night or a week or a day was better than not being with her at all, and talking about it would only make the fact that she might leave more real. His Adam’s apple took a slow slide up his throat as he swallowed the worry.
“She might. And at some point you have to trust, Dex. I know she’s the one who made it hard for you to trust all those years ago, and in a strange way, she’s the one you probably need to trust the most right now.”
Dex nodded, mulling over the awful truth of her statement. Ellie was the reason he’d guarded his heart. But she was also the only woman who had ever made him feel as if he had one.
Chapter Seventeen
MAPLE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL was nothing like the low-income schools Ellie had been interviewing with. At Maple Elementary, the teachers dressed comfortably, in jeans and T-shirts or skirts and blouses, whatever made them feel the most confident. While she was at the Department of Education talking with one of the specialists about the grant process, the specialist had told her about Maple, a privately funded alternative-education school. An hour later, she was in the office of the school administrator, Blythe Wagner, discussing her ideas.
Blythe was a short woman with a friendly smile and thick, light brown hair secured with a leather barrette at the base of her neck. She wore a pair of boot-cut Levi’s with a loose-fitting cream-colored, short-sleeved sweater. She was naturally pretty, with blue eyes and pale skin. Her face was devoid of makeup, save for a thin application of eyeliner. She and Ellie hit it off right away.
“I like your ideas, Ellie. They’re fresh and certainly viable given the right funding opportunities.” She leaned her elbows on her knees, perched beside Ellie on a comfortable couch in the main office of the school. “Would you be willing to teach and work through the proposal process in your spare time? We don’t have the funding for overtime. It’s a lot of work. Grants are not easy to come by, and the kids have to come first. Their learning can’t be sidetracked by what may or may not become a project—even if it’s a project that, in the long run, will help them.”
Ellie felt her eyes widen and tried to gain control of her emotions. Blythe was already talking as if they had a real chance of winning an educational grant and developing educational software was a real possibility. A project. Ellie would give anything to see the concept of the software come to fruition. She’d gladly work overtime without pay if it meant working with a technical team that could develop the software. She couldn’t have hoped for a more supportive administrator, but she had to make sure she wasn’t overselling herself.