Gambling With the Crown(70)
KADIR NO LONGER heard what was being said to him. He’d tuned out hours ago. All he could think of was Emily. Last night with her, he’d felt things he’d never felt in his life. He kept telling himself it was the situation, the fact his life was changing so drastically, but hours after he’d signed the divorce decree, he didn’t feel any better.
He couldn’t stop thinking about what it had felt like to make love to Emily. He never did this. He never spent his day thinking about the woman he’d been with the night before. Sex was like eating—you ate when you were hungry but you did not think about food after you’d had breakfast. You thought about food when it was time for lunch, but not every second in between.
But it was more than sex. He couldn’t stop thinking about the way she sighed in his arms, the way she felt curled up against him. He traveled back over the last four years together and realized that he couldn’t stop thinking about any of it. Emily had always been there, notebook in hand, ready to organize his life and take care of what needed to be taken care of.
He’d asked a lot of her. Too much sometimes. She’d dealt with his schedule, his romances, his arrogance, and she’d never once failed him. He’d pushed her hard over the years. When she’d finally opened up and pushed back, he’d found himself wishing she’d gone head-to-head with him a long time ago.
He missed her. Dreadfully. She was his best friend and he’d sent her away.
He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples to ward off the headache threatening to crash down on him. Maybe he should have kept her and to hell with the council. She was his wife—had been his wife—and he needed a queen. But she hadn’t signed on for a permanent job and he had no right to ask her to give up everything to stay in Kyr.
Besides, one blissful night together did not add up to a lifetime commitment. He should know that better than anyone. He wasn’t a long-term kind of guy. He never had been.
If only he had more time with her, he would find out what this feeling was that had him turned upside down. He would discover the secret to why he felt so desolate over her absence. And then maybe he could conquer it.
She would be on the plane now. In the sky, flying back to Chicago. Away from him. Kadir clenched a fist as his chest grew unbearably tight.
“Enough,” he said, standing abruptly. The functionary who had been speaking stuttered to a halt. And then he dropped to his knees. They all did.
Kadir looked out over the room and gritted his teeth. This was his fate. His destiny. He had no right to walk away from it. He would not walk away from it. But he would walk away right now, because he needed to be alone. That much they could give him.
“We will discuss the coronation later. Surely it can wait a few more hours. King Zaid isn’t even buried yet, and I am tired.”
He was already moving toward the door when the room murmured agreement. He burst out into the cool, dark hallway and started toward his room. The palace rippled around him like a giant wave, people sinking to their knees as he passed. He did not speak to anyone. When he reached his room, a guard opened the door and Kadir went inside. He didn’t even get the satisfaction of slamming it because the guard tugged it closed again.
The room was strangely empty. Lonely. He went to the closet and yanked it open, knowing what he would find. Emily’s clothes were gone because Emily was gone. He’d ordered it done because he’d thought it was like ripping off a bandage. Do it quick to minimize the pain.
It was, surprisingly, nothing like ripping off a bandage. It was more like digging a sharp knife into his chest and carving out his heart very, very slowly. She was gone because he’d ordered her gone. And she wasn’t coming back.