We take opposite sides of the stage and dance toward each other.
And I'm really enjoying the rush of moving my body with a freedom I didn't know I could. I feel light as air, and everything seems almost natural to me. I had no idea that I could move the way I am. I can see in Margot's eyes as we dance closer together, she's surprised too.
When we dance across the stage to each other we both go back to back, dancing up and down in surprising synchronicity for two people making this up on the fly. "We are so doing this again!" she says where only I can hear.
"Totally!" I agree with her. I'm on top of the world with the level of exhilaration, and we both turn back and tear off our flimsy tops.
That's when I get a good look at the audience, and I can't believe how far my excitement drops.
The instant I see Gian, my heart plummets to my stomach and I yelp a little. But I keep dancing.
The man he's with is dressed in leather and dark jeans. He looks strange next to Gian, who's always wearing an immaculate expensive suit. I can tell by Gian's face that he's not thrilled with what he's seeing, which now that I've already thrown off my top, is actually quite a bit. I'm spilling out of this bra in a way that I thought I'd be nervous about. Now, the only thing making me nervous is that I'm so bare in front of so many people while Gian's eyes are blazing with what I know is not happiness.
The man with him smacks him against the arm but Gian looks like if he was holding a glass, it would break in his hands. When the song ends, I go backstage and I'm not surprised when Gian is back there in a few seconds.
"What the hell are you doing? What are you wearing? Or not wearing," he says, throwing my shirt at me.
I felt timid and upset before, my stomach uneasy, but when he tosses the shirt, I feel something else entirely.
"I was having a good time with a friend, wearing things that you actually bought me or had Margot buy me. I thought I was a free woman and you didn't own me? I didn't even leave your palace, your highness, so what's the problem?" I'm shocked by my own words, but I mean them.
I mean them because I realize that I felt so much better about myself to look so good and have others think I did. It's stupid, perhaps, but the whole reason I went to Margot and wanted the makeover I got was because I wanted to look hot enough to be on Gian's arm. "I can't believe you're mad that I'm actually looking the part of someone that you'd sleep with. You've probably slept with everyone who dances here," I say, and I know that Gian has hinted that he doesn't actually sleep around like his reputation says, but how do I really know that? I mean, I don't know whatever it was that Margot doesn't want to tell me.
"What?" Gian is stunned. I can tell he wasn't expecting what I just said.
"You told me yourself that I wasn't dressed the part for seducing you. Maybe I didn't want my looks to come down to luck anymore," I say, looking away.
"Come to the penthouse now, let's not do this here," Gian says. I'm shocked because I thought he was angry, but there's something in his voice that seems more hurt than angry.
Because of that, my own response is quieter than I expected. All my anger gets buried when I think Gian is hurt. I want this situation diffused. "I'll say goodbye to Margot, then we'll go," I say.
Gian nods and we walk out together. I put my shirt back on and I see the man that Gian was with is grinning wide at me when he sees me.
"Damn good upgrade, Sandoval," the man says.
Gian bristles at the words and I'm suddenly so ready to be up and out of here.
"Mr. Sandoval, we were just having fun-" Margot says, talking so quickly.
I don't want Gian to be mad at her, and to his credit, he smiles and shakes his head. "No worries, Margot," he says, but the words are dismissive. I know Gian wants to get up to the penthouse and be alone more than anything.
I can't say I disagree, though I'm still frustrated. I don't want to argue more but I know that I can't just ignore Gian's reaction to what is honestly not that big of a deal. I just want this whole night to be over with.
Tonight was supposed to end without him because he'd be working late … but I get the feeling he won't be leaving the penthouse tonight after we get up there.
10
Gian
"I only did any of this," Lucy waves her hand down her body to indicate the clothes she's wearing, the hair, the makeup, "because you basically had Margot load up a whole new me in those bags the night after. I'm trying new things because my life is so completely different than it was all of five minutes ago. You say I'm not a prisoner, so then when I try to figure out my life, you get mad at me. How am I supposed to know what to do?"
Shit. Well I stepped in it. "Okay, so I don't like the idea of you looking so damn hot when other people are going to see you, but I don't want to keep you from whatever it is that you want to do, no matter what it be. And I never needed you to change. I love everything about you no matter what you're wearing or if you're made up, dressed down … " Fuck I don't know what I'm supposed to say here, and I just want her to know that I'm sorry. That I'm crazy about her.
I know that Lucy is just trying to find her footing, but I can't pretend like her words didn't hurt me a little. The idea that I found her somehow not attractive enough isn't just false, but it just reflects the god-awful parts about me that she has all wrong.
Not as if I can reach across and grab her face and tell her, hey, princess, there are plenty of bad things about me but those in particular aren't right.
Well, I could, but that doesn't exactly help either of our situations.
I know that the best thing that I can do is play the part of the consummate charmer. I have to make my every move one to make her fall deeper into my madness, to buy into the notion that she's starting to have that I might be some decent kind of man.
Of course, I manipulate people all the time. I could manipulate women into bed, or keep them in bed, if I wanted to. This plan should not turn my stomach. It isn't an out of line action, or me. Yet, I find myself wishing I were doing anything but lying to Lucy. I think I almost want to be the person I plan to lie about being.
Well, that might have been an option a long time ago, but now I'm not capable of being that man anymore. I killed the good man inside me and let the monster live instead. The monster is wealthy. The monster only cares about himself.
So if the good parts of me are dead, am I simply remembering them to manipulate Lucy, or am I haunted by the man that I thought I left in the past?
I don't know what to think about any of this.
But I need to stop dwelling on me. Lucy is on the menu here, and I've got to serve up the charming bad boy she thinks she can save. I'm too far gone … but she doesn't have to know that. I can't believe I'm grappling with what I know I need to do. I have to seduce her. What I want is Lucy, and being myself couldn't possibly keep her around. No, I'm going to play the cards I'm dealt. I know that my body is attractive. My mind is smart enough to pull her in. Let the games begin, right?
Wrong. I'm thinking about Lucy, but I'm thinking about how she feels … and not just to manipulate those facts. I have to let myself mentally clear my throat, perhaps, and that's all this is? That's all I hope this is, because I can't lose my edge the one time I've needed it more than anything.
Lucy is nervous. Despite the fact that she offered her virginity to me, despite the fact that when the time came, she enjoyed every second of what we shared … she's nervous about the prospect of us fucking again, and I can see that the instant our eyes meet and I approach her. That's okay, because I know how to make a woman want me. I'm not starting a zero. Tentative desire is what's before me. Tentative desire is just desire that needs convincing. I know how her body responds to mine. More importantly, I know that she wants to want me. I'll have Lucy in my grasp, yet. Or should I say she'll be grasping me soon. Feeling her holding onto me when I fuck is the sort of thing my every fantasy is made of now. Every free moment has me dreaming up her body like some kind of silly teenager or something, which is quite the sharp shift in the wind considering just how much I've sworn off women after what happened with my wife. Yeah … everything about Lucy and what she does to me is different from anything I've known, and Lucy's just too damn good in too many ways for me to do anything but remove the fear that might cause her to flee. Because I gave her the option to go, and I won't take that away. But I sure as fuck don't want her to leave so I've got to put forth my best, shady fucking effort.
I have absolutely no intention of letting her get scared off because I'm not sliding into a pussy that doesn't want me. No, when I fuck Lucy's tight pussy again, I'll be doing so when it's so slippery it glistens for me.