Over the next few weeks, I come to Margot at the salon each day and during her lunch break we talk. We never bring up Gian again and I find that I enjoy talking about anything random with her.
Gian shows up at one of our lunches one day, which is odd because I normally don't see him until the evenings. He leans in and kisses me on the cheek, and my whole body heats up. I can feel the heat in my cheeks and I figure I don't need the blush that I applied today from the products that Margot gave me. Before he withdraws from the kiss, Gian whispers into my ear. "You don't need to keep working at the diner, you know. You don't need to keep your apartment."
Leaning back, I see him look at my face and run his lower lip across his teeth. He's not sure how I'll respond.
A week of living in the penthouse and traveling back to my former life has me unsure of how I want to respond either.
"I don't know," I say honestly, because that's really all I can say for now.
"I'm going to work late tonight. Do you think you and Margot could have some fun tonight? I don't want you sitting up in the penthouse bored," Gian says. His concern sounds genuine, and I don't think he actually wants to work late. Of course he doesn't. He would rather be with me.
I'm touched. I'm also wondering why he assumes that I would just sit up in the penthouse alone. He's right, but that's beside the point, you know?
"Am I allowed to go somewhere else?" I say, surprised by the venom in my voice. I've thought of Margot as my friend this whole time, and the hurt that flashes in her eyes tells me the she must feel the same.
"You're not my prisoner," Gian says in a gruff voice. "You can do whatever you like. I just don't want you to sequester yourself," he says, measuring out each word.
Is it because he doesn't know how to say what he means, or because he's lying?
Margot is uncomfortable with the tension and interjects. "I have just the thing for a girl's night," she says with a wave of her hand.
Gian smiles, a little off guard, but leans in to kiss me on the lips this time. It's just a small peck, but it makes me close my eyes and forget everything for the seconds his warmth overtakes mine. "Have fun, Lucy," he says and turns to walk away.
It's like a hurricane overtakes me when he leaves. The air's entirely sucked out of the room.
Margot places her hand on mine. "I really do have something fun in mind, if you're up for it," she says. That devious grin tells me that Margot has something in mind that's probably going to make me nervous.
She's told me before that I need to live a little, and after the way I've kept myself in what she refers to as ‘cloistered as a nun' I completely trust her to help me out of my shell. I feel guilty for doubting her earlier and I want to make it up to her. And I want to move on from being such a stick in the mud.
"Let's do it," I say. I feel instantly bolstered. "What is it, exactly?"
Margot laughs.
"There's more than just a spa in this casino. Tonight is amateur night in the club, and you and I are dancing," Margot says, standing up and tugging my arm. "Let's go hoedown and shake our asses tonight, girl."
Well, shit. What the hell am I letting Margot talk me into?
9
Lucy
"You want me to wear this? And do what?" I can't believe what Margot actually thinks I'm going to do it. I wanted to be on board, I really did. But this is insanity.
I look at a miniskirt I'm not sure will even cover my ass. The fishnets. I can't breathe because the things she picked out for me to wear under them are even less.
"Yeah, amateur night is a real thrill," Margot says. "I mean we aren't going to be this young and hot forever, so why not dance and show it off?"
She's serious. My eyebrows are so knit together I might go cross-eyed in a minute but Margot is being serious! She wants me to strip in Gian's club!
I've never done anything like this before. I never thought I could do anything like this. And I definitely didn't think I'd ever even have sex, much less offer my virginity up on a platter to a scary rich casino owner who could break my brother's legs. I surprised myself before.
I kind of like the idea of surprising myself now.
"Yeah," I say and put my hands on my hips. "Let's do it, Margot," I say with a giggle and I start slipping into the clothes.
"Good," Margot says, laughing with me. "This is the best change to use the really dramatic makeup stuff you can't wear otherwise. Trust me, this is as much fun as you're going to have tonight with Mr. Sandoval out of the picture."
It seems strange that she still calls him that, but Gian is her boss. I mean, I'm the only one who calls him Gian anyway. I like it, that it's something only he and I share.
Until today no one else had ever seen my body, but here I am about to dance in front of a bunch of strangers.
"Okay, so we need to stretch, too. Like that shit is not easy to do well, but even to just have a little fun, we still wanna be pretty limber." Margot giggles more but I'm blushing furiously.
I'm blushing because I'm thinking about all the ways Gian likes to contort my body around when he's fucking me and it makes me think I can probably figure out how to be limber enough for a night of dancing mostly for fun. I get the feeling that Margot can read my mind and while that's exactly the sort of thing that makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom, it's exactly what I'm pushing back against. I'm trying to take control of my life and right now I want to do that by getting so far out of my comfort zone that I don't recognize myself.
When Margot is done with our makeup and we're dressed, well, if you can call how skimpy our clothes are dressed, I don't recognize either of us.
"We look hot!" Margot says.
I have to agree, and I reach out to hold her hand and give it a squeeze. "Wow, we really do. I can't believe we're doing this," I tell her. I really can't. I keep thinking any minute I'm going to lose the ounce of resolve that I have. I squeeze Margot's hand again and she squeezes back.
"Lucy, if you can make Giancarlo Sandoval want to settle down again, well, you can shake your fine ass on stage for a little bit. You'll enjoy it," Margot says, the kindness in her eyes making me feel warm and comfortable.
"Again?" I can't help but ask.
"Girl, that's … that's not for me to tell. But there are things you don't know about him that he'll have to tell you. But he's a good man. I think you know that. When I lost my daughter last year and I didn't know how to pick myself back up again, Mr. Sandoval took care of me when I didn't think anyone gave a shit about me. He paid for all the funeral expenses. He got me a therapist. He let me keep my job when I couldn't drag myself out of my bed to get to it. He let me stay here and work when I wanted to."
Wow. I thought Gian was a good man, and I had no idea Margot had been through so much.
"And that's just how he's treated me as a boss," Margot says quickly. "We never-"
"Margot, I never even thought, and," my voice catches in my throat, imagining her loss. I think about how my family is all gone now, save Tommy, and it breaks my heart. "And thank you for sharing that with me. Gian is nothing like I thought he was before I met him … and there's still so much more I don't know about him. And I'm so sorry for what you went through. I'm glad Gian could help you." I am, too. I have come to really care for Margot and I'm so grateful that Gian could help her, and could make it so I had this wonderful person in my life. She's the first friend I've ever had who I felt could always be my friend. And I don't want to ruin that by pressing for her to tell me something that Gian should tell me.
"Don't let me bring you down, tonight. Let's have fun tonight," Margot says. I can hear the crack in her voice, no doubt thinking about her daughter and the ordeal of losing her. Now it seems so silly to think about doing an amateur hour at a high-class strip club, but I owe the shedding of my fear to Margot for her bravery. I'm steeling myself for doing it.
When we get to the backstage area of the club where the other girls are going to dance, I find that I'm not as afraid as I thought I was going to be. Margot and I are laughing and enjoying a little bit of champagne, and I feel plenty loosened up enough that I'm actually looking forward to getting up on the stage.
"Let's do a song together," I say to Margot. "If you want," I say quickly, because I really don't know what normal friends do together but I want to be able to have a good time with her and I like the idea of us both going up there together.
"Yeah, sure thing!" Margot says, obviously delighted by the idea, and I'm so relieved.
When the fast-paced eighties song starts up, we both turn to each other, smile, and slink out onto that stage.
The lights are really bright at first and I can't see anyone, and I don't actually want to see anyone in the audience right now. I know they are there, but it isn't about that.